What is it like for you making friends

Abysmal is what it's like! !

I love people but scared senseless off them too. It must come across because I feel like people don't want to be around me lol.

Practically non existent. I have never been good at making friends, I was terrible at it when I was a kid and I'm still terrible at it now and I'm nearly 30!

When I try to make friends, and fail, it's just a blunt reminder that I'm no good at it.

Congratulations on your diagnosis.

Maybe try to connect with people who share some of your interest, I guess that would feel like less pressure and give you something to talk about. 

I have one person I can call a friend. We don’t do social things like go out to places but I do go round to his mostly for a cup of tea and we talk. He is adhd and bipolar. Although we are very different he understands me and I understand him. I have many acquaintances and as awful as this sounds I don’t consider them to be friends, I don’t maintain those relationships and they have stopped asking me to do things as I refused so much in the past . The problem I find is that I expect too much from them as a person, most I know are quite selfish and shallow. A friend for me should be kind, easy to be with and have a strong sense of justice, unfortunately these are rare qualities. 
I am not a fan of going out and socialising anyway as it’s too costly but I hope one day I could perhaps find a friend who shares some of my interests. 

When I was last assessed for my mental health, I explained how bad my social anxiety is. He suggested I joined a social group. I was like sorry, what? What part of top anxious to walk into a room of people made you think I'd be capable of joining a social group. He then went on to talk about ASC social groups and how there'd be less social pressure. I'm there like how did you make that leap. Why would I not feel social pressure because everyone else was also autistic? I then explained that the ASC groups in my area are all during my working hours and set up for people with high support needs. He still wrote it in the assessment report .

I struggle with feeling lonely and isolated but I absolutely know what you mean be feeling loneliest when surrounded by people.

Do you think we also give out some kind of vibe that makes us unapproachable or unfriendly? Is it where pwrhaps we are trying too hard to make friends ??

I don't particularly. Sometimes, I will make a friend but it doesn't last which puts me off even trying. It does get me down some times.

I wish professionals would understand that just because a group has a social or autism label, it doesn't mean we can just turn up and have a sudden ability to make friends. It just doesn't work that way.

Hi emmy2654, I struggle to make friends and maintain them really. I don't think I ever had anyone I would consider a close friend where I could share more personal things. I don't tend to go out to any kind of social setting really where I could potentially meet people, I find these kind of things very difficult and draining. I've maybe got one person who could be considered a friend but I would not describe them as very close. Most of the time I am quite happy with my own company. 

Groups! Why do people assume that everybody who has problems making friends, who has ASC, etc needs to go to a group? Is there some part of being uncomfortable in crowded places they don't understand, that groups can be very age specific? That just because you have ASC you're going to instantly get on with every other ASC person in the world?

Sorry, not very helpful I know, I've given up on having friends, when I think of what I put in compared to what I get back, it dosen't add up in a good way, I still feel isolated, far ore so than I do when I'm on my own, the loneliest times in my life have been when I've been surrounded by people.

I have a small friendship group probably comprised of 5 people at most and I do have really good acquaintances but I'm completely fine with that. I too have always struggled making friends ever since I was a child. Half of it is do with the fact that I struggle massively with social anxiety like the idea of being forced into a situation where I have to converse with stranger causes me panic attacks. I think I managed to be within my friendship group is that I met them through volunteer work and it was them who made the first move to include me which I am very grateful for but I can never be the one to start a conversation with someone new. Anyways, my point is I totally understand how difficult it can be

CrazyCatLady222 said:

I feel like the worst friend/person in the universe...

Snowfairy said:

I would still love a friend but I’m too anxious and I’m socially useless.

At least 95% of the population are Neuro-typical and those with ASD are going to struggle making friendship bonds with them.  So many people say the same, or similar things.

So many people here report communication problems with others out there, and are always asking for Autistic support groups and clubs in their areas.  That isn't a coincidence.

The lucky few do have a few close friends, or maybe a tight-knit supportive family to pick up that slack - these things make that Autistic world feel less isolating. 

I don't believe that either of you CrazyCatLady222 Snowfairy are socially useless or the worst friend in the universe - I just think you've not met the right people - it is a law of averages problem.   Keep the faith !  

I find making friends so difficult. At school I was envious of other kids because they had friends and I hated myself because I was lonely and seemed incapable of making friends, I even looked it up on the internet how to make friends, and I still couldn’t do it.
Like crazycatlady I find making friends online a lot easier.

I would still love a friend but I’m too anxious and I’m socially useless.

Feels like my life will be completely lonely when my family are gone.

Short answer is "I don't" and I feel like the worst friend/person in the universe... I find it a lot easier having online friends or people who live far away and I don't have the worry of having to see them if that makes sense? As soon as someone suggests meeting, my head goes and my anxiety takes centre stage. I feel like I'm just better on my own

What is it like for me making friends? One word - difficult. I completely understand about drama and problems, and getting worn out.

I'm retired now and I no longer feel I need to have friends to fit in. I don't see any family members either - just more drama and problems. I have my partner who is my best friend - that's enough for me.

I suppose friends are closer than acquaintances.  Acquaintances tend to just be familiar faces rather than people you have contact details for etc...   

Trust has a lot to do with it as you suggest.  I would say use your instinct.  If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.  If someone tries leading you someplace where you feel uncomfortable or at a pace that doesn't suit - then it's a no.  

Stand up for your core beliefs, and don't get compromised.  Friendship is about give & take - but not abandoning your principles because someone says they are a friend. 

What is the difference between friends and aqquatances. I also struggle to trust people how do I know there not just pretending to be my friend and turn on me later. How do I spot signs of them talking advantage of my personality. What if they make me feel like a bad friend if I can’t sort their problems out like a therapist which has happened in the past and it completely drained me. 

If I am really really really honest it is hard.  I don't know that I could cope with loads of friends.  There's a difference though between friends, and acquaintances.  

But really good friends, yes please.  That means good, reliable friends who are decent people and put as much into the relationship as they take out.   I think if you have a couple of 5* friends, you don't really need loads....  

I agree.  So many people PRESUME you must have a collection of friends and view it as part of a support structure even.  I don't believe many ND individuals function that way.  It becomes hard to divide your time & energies between many different people, especially when they aren't all on the same wavelength.