Going on holiday or not?

I think you deserve holidays, maybe someone from your family, who she trusts could take care of your daughter and also make sure she aldo has holidays on her own (do something she likes) I remember being forced on family holiday, I suffered and they suffered with my meltdown that lasted few days. I was older already but then we decided that next time I will stay home. Earlier I used to go holidays with my grandparents to visit our family in the mountains,  it was also stressful to some degree but when I got used to, it was better and there I had space and time for myself, so it was OK. Someone here suggested NAS article with advice in this topic, but If going for holidays with your daughter is impossible, and she prefers staying home- it's worth trying. You also need rest. Till this very day I hate holidays and whenever I can I choose to stay home and rest on my own.

I do not have children but can imagine the distress all this is causing you. Have you considered going to a autism friendly holiday destination such as  Autism Friendly Holidays | Peak District | Hoe Grange Holidays? The NAS advertised these in its magazine. I have not been as sadly, it is a little too near to me. No, you are not being selfish for needing a break but hopefully, this may give you all a break you deserve. I hope so.  

I think if your daughter is happy to stay home if she has trusted people that she likes to stay with her then I think it’s ok for you to have your holiday. As long as you feel completely sure that she is genuinely happy with that - then I think that’s a really good solution. The holiday will do you good, and if you’re in a good frame of mind that’s helpful for her too to have a parent who feels rested rather than frustrated that she can’t go in a much needed holiday.

None of you need to feel guilty if everyone wishes and needs are being respected. 

You're so very welcome, we know we can be hard work, many of us have children so we know how stressful parenting can be. 

Why on earth would anyone judge you for wanting a break? People can be so stupid and careless at times, often they're the same ones with herds of family that seem willing to drop everything and take-over at a moments notice, if only we were all so lucky.

Can I just thank you all for your kind words today. This is not the Normal response I get from friends and I didn’t actually realise this forum would be. It’s my first time of posting so was nervous but it’s like you had all walked in my schools and you are not judging me for wanting a break. Thank You all from the bottom of my heart ️ 

I think it's important that you and your husband have some time together to remember you're adults and have a life outside of caring for your children. Even if it's only a night or two where you can go to a restaurant, go to a show or something, thats different and just for the two of you.

Rather than feeling guilty, you could turn it around:
If you and your husband don't have a break for years, you won't be able to cope and then she will be worse off. So this is not a negative in the big scheme of things. It is a positive so she can continue.

Rather than compare to others, just do what is right and works for your family. Assuming you can find a solution.

Could she stay with grandparents, or is that not possible?

I like this, I think this is a good angle too. I feel for your guilt (I'd feel guilty too), but if you look at it from outside: if a holiday makes you happy and not going makes your daughter happy, then doing what makes you all happy sounds like a good plan. You can see if she wants any extra treats staying at home, so it makes it a holiday at home for her (though she might just want her routine). If you have family members staying, it might be some good bonding time, or if she prefers her own company and is mature enough, the peace and quiet might also be a like a holiday when you are all away. Plus you'll be recharged from having time away.

Guilt is natural and a sign you are a lovely caring parent. Sometimes, what can bring families closer together is having a break from each other too!

I am sorry to hear that. I hope you find something that helps to recharge your batteries.

Son refusing to go with my husband so back to square one. I may just go on my own

I think the important thing is to find the best result where you get some opportunity to relax, even if not what you might have hoped for. I have learnt to make the most of any opportunity to do this, although not easy at times.

I hope this works well for you all. 

We’ve just been talking this over and are considering splitting our holiday in 2, so my Daughter stays at home with my husband and I go away with my son and then me and my husband grab a few days away later in the year. Wasn’t quite sure at first but this way my son can look after her and she won’t feel left behind. Not your typical holiday but there is no way she will cope. 

I can reply with personal experience. We tried all sorts of things including going back to the same place. After a break my son asked about a holiday again, so we booked one, but as he found it so difficult we returned early. He would not be happy to stay with a anyone else. I wonder if you could try a day or overnight first, in case you need to return early. 

Our life is very intense and holidays are also stressful with her but that our life and we manage but I guess the holiday would be like respite? So hard having atypical children as you are judged on everything you do but people don’t understand 

Thank you for your reply. My daughter is very happy on her own but doesn’t make me feel like I should. I think I need to accept that she just isn’t capable of all the changes a holiday brings and maybe as she gets older she may be able to manage better? 

As Roy said she maybe quite happy to stay at home, I can't say I have any personal experience, but it sounds like you need a break, maybe think of it as respite care?

Hi, no one here will judge you, what’s your daughters thoughts on staying at home? She may be quite happy with it. There has been similar posts in the past, it may be worth using the search function. If you definitely want to go on holiday and she doesn’t, it may be the perfect answer to have a family member move in. To be honest not many autistic people like change, even a family member helping will alter the dynamics of her day. 
Personally, I used to try and go on holiday but the stress would lead to physical illnesses, i felt I was ruining the holidays. I haven’t been away since before lockdown, my wife holidays with her sister. It’s a perfect compromise.