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Going on holiday or not?

NAS76258

Hi all. I am after some advice on this regarding a holiday this year. For the last 2 years my daughter has hated our family holidays. One causing shingles due to stress. She is 14 and struggles to leave the house, doesn’t attend school but has a home tutor. We work hard and feel we need a break, so our holiday each year is really important to us parents as it allows us to reset. It’s not a selfish thing, it’s just how we manage with our life. This yeaR my daughter is point blank refusing to come away with us. We holidayed last yr in the UK to reduce stress but she didn’t the room of the lodge. My question is, would you go away and leave her out of the family holiday? She naturally wouldn’t be leave alone, family members would come and stay, but the guilt I am feeling over this is pulling me in both directions. Has anyone gone away with their child due to their anxiety and continued to have a family holiday whilst one child is left behind? I’m don’t want judging I just want advice or personal experience from others whom may be in a similar situation Pray

  • I can reply with personal experience. We tried all sorts of things including going back to the same place. After a break my son asked about a holiday again, so we booked one, but as he found it so difficult we returned early. He would not be happy to stay with a anyone else. I wonder if you could try a day or overnight first, in case you need to return early. 

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Our life is very intense and holidays are also stressful with her but that our life and we manage but I guess the holiday would be like respite? So hard having atypical children as you are judged on everything you do but people don’t understand 

  • in reply to Roy

    Thank you for your reply. My daughter is very happy on her own but doesn’t make me feel like I should. I think I need to accept that she just isn’t capable of all the changes a holiday brings and maybe as she gets older she may be able to manage better? 

  • As Roy said she maybe quite happy to stay at home, I can't say I have any personal experience, but it sounds like you need a break, maybe think of it as respite care?

  • Hi, no one here will judge you, what’s your daughters thoughts on staying at home? She may be quite happy with it. There has been similar posts in the past, it may be worth using the search function. If you definitely want to go on holiday and she doesn’t, it may be the perfect answer to have a family member move in. To be honest not many autistic people like change, even a family member helping will alter the dynamics of her day. 
    Personally, I used to try and go on holiday but the stress would lead to physical illnesses, i felt I was ruining the holidays. I haven’t been away since before lockdown, my wife holidays with her sister. It’s a perfect compromise.