Feeling so stressed, how do you help yourself?

It is difficult when people you are are friends with don't get your situation. If you are finding it hard to find any local parent support groups, your son's school may have a list or be able to tell you where to find them. Where I live schools regularly send this information to parents or links on newsletters.  You may also find there are specific courses run for parents of neurodiverse children. Other than that your local authority may be able to help.

You mention the difficulty of something changing suddenly, like switching off the TV. I wonder what happens if he is given warning of something or allowed to do the switching/ opening and closing himself so he feels it has been done the way he feels happy with.

Hi Chloe, 

You say on my project? 

Do you mean my son? Or me? 

Thank you for the information 

AbC123 said:

I haven't seen a Dr at all as I worry about judgement, it's hard to explain all the time. 

I would recommend seeing a therapist rather than the doc - they are trained to not be judgemental and should have plenty of practice in training you in various techniques to get your anxiety under control.

You can do the calls via Zoom so no need to physically be there if your schedule it tight or you cannot find one locally.

Just make sure they are well versed in working with autists and people with anxiety - this should give a combo you can use.

A good place to start the search is: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists?search=

Click on filters, add Autism and anxiety and search in the area you are in to find those nearest you.

Good luck

Dear @AbC123

Thank you for sharing this with the Community, I am sorry to hear that you have been struggling with your son and the impact this has had on you. If you were interested in seeking a professional for counselling (NHS & private) on your project, you may like to have a look on the Autism Services Directory: https://www.autism.org.uk/directory under ‘Health & Counsellors’. This may give you a better idea of rates and conditions.

You may also be interested in the following information from the NAS: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/self-harm

All the best,

ChloeMod

I literally run 10k every morning to ensure I get out. I haven't seen a Dr at all as I worry about judgement, it's hard to explain all the time. 

I definitely will look at breathing and maybe acceptance. 

I think you hit a nerve here, I can't accept there's not more I can do to help. 

I feel as him mum. It's my job. And I'm not doing good enough no matter what I do. 

My mum helps but it's quite tiring and I don't want to put pressure on. But even then. I struggle to rest, of that makes sense. 

Thank you for replying.  

I'm so desperate now x

There is so much advice online for dealing with anxiety and panic - it’s just a matter of trying various strategies and seeing what works for you. Using breathing techniques might be a cliche but they really can help. Exercise can help, getting outside is good. Meditation is definitely useful if you can find a method that suits you. Buddhist teachings have helped me a lot, as has Qigong exercises.

Also - your situation is stressful from what you’ve said here - and nothing is going to make it not stressful. Sometimes being able to find acceptance within yourself that this situation is inherently stressful and not fighting the fact of that - can help. Surrender to it - I’m going to find aspects of my situation stressful and I need to find deep acceptance of that rather than resisting what is just a fact that I can’t completely control. 
You’re 100% trying to help your son not to have a meltdown - but maybe you need to find a measure of acceptance that it’s going to happen sometimes - no matter what you do. 

And also - can you have someone else take care of your son for short periods so you can have a proper rest?

I do have friends, I run with and talk to, but no one seems to go through the same thing. 

No just things like not opening the car door/ pressing the button for the telly cause complete meltdowns. 

Sometimes we just switch on the telly. And this causes the end of the world. (So to speak) 

The aggression towards us then means he goes to his safe space, but even hours later, he will use lego or anything to hurt himself with. Or try to touch his light to electrocute himself (in his words) or strangle himself with his door curtains. 

I don't think it's to get his way as such, I think everything really needs to be like this ( to open the door/ close it). If that makes sense 

You need somewhere to let off steam, are there any ASC parenting groups in your area who you could talk to? Or even Mumsnet?

I get why you want to avoid a melt down at all costs, but do you think he could be using the threat of them manipulatively? It gives him a lot of power, what do his doctors say?