Son increasingly frustrated with sport

i hated PE in high school. it was taught bad and the school was hostile to me anyway. there was no sport in it or fitness or anything.

ofcourse im 34 now and when i was in my 20s i took up martial arts and carried it on continuously. im far beyond anything my PE teachers were or anybody for that matter. it helps me alot in work as no ones as good at manual hard fast labour and im described as a machine.

id ignore anything at school, schools dont matter, schools dont represent the quality of the students, instead superimposes a worse failure on each student based on how much of a failure the teachers are themselves at controlling the class or teaching others.

Back in teh seveneties I just stopped going, and was not missed...

Competition is something socially ingrained. Sport is very dependant on social-linguistics with, often too many Non-autistic peers. So even if you've been given direct instruction to compete for the sake of survival (capitalism at an individual level), there's always an issue with "translation' and interpretation. 

Now, if you're ADHD, you might read these cues just fine and also be able to understand your Autistic friends and family members.

But not only do many Autistics often experience Proprioception issues which can hinder feeling confident enough to be a reliable team-mate in a split second, but that moment between not recognising a language-command can cost a game. 

There are other reasons that can create barriers in these situations. But historically, and in the definition of "Aut-" as coined by Grunya Sukhareva, the 'extreme' introvert (such as how one is 'fuelled' in their down time), might find they can be socialised into a bit of competition here in there, but it's not really been found a core part motivation. Meaning, somedays I might be up for it, others not. And this is quite different to NT-experience.

Some of us are very competitive.

We tried collective sport with our son and then quickly moved him to self-discipline sports. He thrived with karate, Judo and now skateboards. Autistic kids tend to enjoy with Parallel Play.

Most autistics (and others like dyslexic/hyperlexic) are often not completive by nature, so team sports make little sense. Further, because there's a language barrier (we use it incredibly different), they often don't even feel like part of the team, just an appendix. 

This chap might help explain a good deal https://autcollab.org/2020/04/30/autism-the-cultural-immune-system-of-human-societies/?fbclid=IwAR37xumHkRga0hADICA80wxaWycn7_Kr9Oc6uZhcs2zJ0QzamXOI4qwU2bQ

Cricket i cannot comment on however Rugby i can, I studied level 2 coaching for both League and Union aswell as qualifying as a referee in both (20 years ago admittedly)

At U14 he isn't even yet playing full laws so perhaps should concentrate on learning not just the game but also his role(s) in the game, at this age most club coaches are happy to get kids turn up on time and can catch the ball without being scared of it.

Club coaches are generally parents who fell into it. Very few ever go above the level 1 (basic) qualification and hardly any ever wish to move on up to coach as a living. As such they are pretty blinkered. Perhaps the problem is the coach and you need to look for a new team with a new coach who would be prepared (able) to talk about strategy.

Now the hard bit is to get your son to look at himself and his own problems here. I am speaking from experience on this. Just because you see something just because you think something doesn't mean i can be done. He may have a great idea, he may see things but if his vision is superior to the skills of his team mates it wont happen.

I once coached a women's University team as you can imagine we had the most random selection from 18yo girls who'd never played before but thought it looked fun to full Internationals.

I remember having a stand up row with a forward (Eng student/forerunner to women's premiership player) she had been held up in a tackle rather than taking the hit and either going to ground or setting a maul decided to throw and offload. The person the ball went to i) didn't expect it ii) wasn't skilful enough to catch it due to the surprise. 

The point was at that moment the team mate in that situation wasn't good enough so the offload was a poor choice. However at Top level with skilled fit and well versed players it was the perfect choice.

Until Your son can tell the difference between what he can see can be done and what the coach sees as the other players ability to do then he will always be seen as getting ideas above his station.

I'd seriously push him to do a Refereeing course though. as club coaches we all went through it and what we learnt was unreal as its not just the laws but how the laws are viewed. It revolutionised our coaching and plans.

Sports - RUGBY and Cricket.

You are correct. The coaches are happy to coach but not engage in strategy. Its for sure his ASD where he sees things on the field that others don't. This is not really a criticism of the coaching, just not what they are trained/expecting/have time to accommodate.

Hi, it would be interesting to hear which sports he does play.

Essentially at 14 (nearly) most coaches are still expecting to be 'teaching' rather than getting useful info back. this is sadly something that will not change.

I would suggest moving him into Refereeing/umpiring as a way to keep interest and apply the structures and rules. Depending on the sport possibly move to coaching. I struggled with much the same issues. however as i wasn't a coach and didn't have the playing experience i was ignored. there is sadly no way around that except to get the experience. I later went on to study Sports science and coaching at Uni.