Help - How to communicate with my step-son

Oh that sounds interesting. It is something I would enjoy hearing more about in person. Maybe one day the staff that run this website can arrange an event where some of us could meet in a safe environment. 

Lately in my new job I write stored procedures and scripts in SQL Server (microsoft).

I've mostly worked in banks on mainframe, written PL/1 (mainframe), MFEE, a cobol generator, also mainframe,

For a short while (18 months) I worked in a smaller company, there it was Powerbuilder, Visual Basic and PL/SQL (oracle).

What computer languages have you programmed in? I’ve done a bit of Visual Basic, Dark Basic, Python, C++ in the past. It’s been a long time since I did any but I have different interests now.

If he's like me he probably likes clear requests. Don't say: my your room is a mess, better say: I really want you to clean your room, it's important, you risk to make stains that diminish the value of the house...

I used to live by the morality: treat others like you wish to be treated yourself. This turned out to be a big mistake, the way I like to be treated is by most people considered to be very rude. 

If he has a good job in IT, he's probably very tired and would rather not be communicated with much. Be kind, make sure to count him in but don't expect him to tell you about his life much. I spent my time mostly in my room playing games... or programming... 

Being direct and to the point is helpful I think. As mentioned above, more information with your question would be useful too.

I don't understand your question?        How do you communicate effectively with anyone else?

As the saying goes 'if you've met one autistic, you've met one autistic'. Like those with the predominant neurotype, we are all different. Our childhood, education, employment, personal morals etc all affect our communication preferences and needs.

It seems to be socially acceptable to refer to autistic individuals in a way that wouldn't be acceptable when referring to other minorities e.g would you say I've met a man, his son works in IT and he's black. I don't know how to communicate with black people? Or I've met a man, his daughter works in IT. I don't know how to communicate with women, please help?

Many parents and carers of autistic individuals are autistic themselves, therefore, when your posting something you might want to think about how if you were the minority would you want people to refer to you in the same way as you are posting.

There isn't enough information about the specifics of what you're struggling with to help.