How to find the right secondary/senior school - anyone's child been to mainstream independent/mainstream boarding school?

Hello, Would anyone know of any good high schools for Yr 7 near Cardiff, Newport, Chepstow and/ or Gloucester? My son is in a mainstream primary with 1:1 support but I am concerned that the mainstream secondary schools are too huge and they might be different given the big class sizes. Thanks.

Hey, hope you dont mind me jumping in here. I didnt want to start a new thread on the same subject. I have a Aspie 10yr old daughter who has very similar needs to your son. Communication and Interaction, SEMH  and social interaction being her main areas of need.

Shes at a small primary with 70 children. 3 classrooms and she has been familiar with the school since aged 2, as her siblings went there, but before lockdown she was refusing school, due to not being able to cope with the demands anymore. This resulted in low mood, panic, anxiety, depression, self harm and sleep disorder. She now has an EHCP. We have a specialist autism school 10 minutes from us, that would be perfect for her. However, she adamant she wants to go to our catchment mainstream school. Her reasons are "dont know just do!". I know mainstream will swallow her up, and she wont be able to keep up with social and academical pressure. 

I want her to be part of the decision making but I also know mainstream is not the best choice for her.

My state schools were all c of e as well and it didn't bother me.  I wasn't put off by the Quaker ethos, more some other aspects of that particular school.

The other school was very religious. Praying to thank lord for each individual lesson etc. Unfortunately my son is only minimally tolerant of chapel/church services...he has one a week at the moment, but I'm not sure an increase to 9 a week would impress him! Clearly it was a school which suited some very well though.

I wouldn't be too bothered about the religious aspect of some schools - all the Aspies I know had a large religious aspect to their education (my junior school was heavy CofE) and we tend to look back at things logically - I took all the bible stuff as a mix between story-time and interesting data.

I like dealing with Quakers - their whole philosophy is about truth, honesty and being excellent to each other - very Bill & Ted!        These values are very logical and sensible for us Aspies.

Thanks. We are looking very much at environment as the current school has provided that really well. It seems pretty clear that non mainstream options are not really a possibility at present, as my son has managed quite well in his current school, albeit a small private school. I did visit 3 local specialist schools and they only had children who were vastly more impaired than him, and only offer a few entry-level GCSE or similar vocational qualifications. To be honest to give him the best chances later on I would at least like to try a small more nuturing but very well organised/structured mainstream option where he would be able to take a range of GCSEs, have the option of lots of different activities/clubs (preferably including the type he likes based on history/science) and opportunity to learn to mix with a range of neurotypical kids. If it is a disaster then I guess we will look for other options asap. We are lucky that whilst we have our bad days, he is happy at the current school.

Good luck!

Hi,

So sorry about horrendously so reply - I got locked out of my account due to caps lock being on accidentally and it took ages to get it all reset!

We have looked at  various state options in Oxford that would be possibilities for us given our location - one of these has an ASD base - but I just don't think they will work. They are large, chaotic schools (even when we visited pre covid the corridors felt like a scrum) with huge classes and overstretched resource poor staff. ASD is by definition a spectrum and I think the local options cater not badly for those with moderately severe ASD but less well for those with milder difficulties but reasonable achievement. Aside from his spelling, my son is not 'behind' per se. At present he copes in a 'normal' class all day, with only very minor adaptations like having a fixed time for music lessons, different spelling lists, teachers being aware that his ASD causes x,y,z. However, it is a class of 16 in a small very structured and organised school.

Independent school wise I've taken advice from all sorts of places over the summer. We have on the list

- D'overbroecks - they seem brilliant and have lots of kids with ASD, the downside is they are more relaxed which concerns me re predictability and routine. Having said that they do seem to have managed other kids with ASD positively.

-Bloxham school - lots of positive feedback from various places - we are visiting in a few weeks

- Sibford - very nurturing, small and friendly. Able to be very flexible. Quaker element very evident but not overwhelming. We were put off by lack of options and rather poor academic achievement though, given my son would need to at least flexi board there .

Bradfield college - horrendously expensive but several people including SENCO of a local primary have recommended we look at it, we are doing that later this term.

Also

- Kingham Hill school - very well known for SEN support. Not an option for us because it is very religious.

I think d'overbroecks will be our best option unless anywhere else pops up.

Hi - firstly I want to make you aware that I live in Scotland so education system very different.  However, a few things that I can advise and suggest is that as a mum of 4 autistic daughters with a mix of ADHD (probable), ADD, Social anxiety, OCD, Generalised anxiety, health anxiety, epilepsy, Meares- Arlen, hyperacusis and severe sensory deficits profiles (and that's before all the additional medical problems) - I would suggest the best school environment would not be mainstream.

In Scotland some specialist units are within the mainstream school. These allow integration where and when possible but with the safer, quieter and supportive small group setting, with dedicated support and much less transitions, slower (more appropriate) pace and individual adapted education plans within (or out with as appropriate) the standard curriculum.  

None of my girls have coped in mainstream - some having to be removed and placed in these specialist units since early to mid primary years as well as high school after trying mainstreams first only to great detriment to their mental health, general well being and educational achievement.

Its not usually an easy process, and indeed we had to go to Tribunal for 2 of our girls at one point, but if you get it right SOONER rather than later then its worth the fight.  I can say that through experience of it being too late for in particular my eldest and now as my youngest is in her final year of primary school we are determined not to take no for an answer for our specialist placement request for session intake Aug 2021.  She is barely getting through her. day in mainstream primary despite a nurturing supportive teacher, and an extensive support plan including visuals and many strategies such as brain and mobility breaks, chunking down info, repetition of instructions, concrete learning tools with 1 to 1 and small group for extra support, support during unstructured time and sensory strategies amongst many more. All this despite masking many of her difficulties well in the classroom but comes home and either shuts down or goes into a meltdown - if not both before the end of any night. Most people that don't understand her and her autism will tell you that she is 'coping well' or 'doing great' - whilst all the time she is overwhelmed beyond her breaking point and ready to explode as soon as she is out the school (so she can not be seen to be misbehaving, breaking the rules, or standing out from peers whom will cause her upset if they witness such scenes - as they do enough when they notice even the more subtle behaviours)

So I don't want to go on about schools as I know them, as they won't be the same for you - but I hope this account will help you make the right decision about the right environment for your son.  The environment ALWAYS matters. if the environment is not right it does not matter about their academic potential because they won't be able to tap into that anyway.  

hope that makes sense? 

kind regards and good luck

Hi Penguin & Keep Calm

The secondary schools in Oxfordshire that cater for high functioning autism are: Bases at mainstream secondary schools: Fitzharrys School Communication and Interaction Base
* Lord Williams School Communication and Interaction Base
* The Cherwell School Communication and Interaction Base
* The Warriner School School Communication and Interaction Base

There are also special schools Woodeaton Manor School - https://www.woodeaton.oxon.sch.uk/

I have also heard a new Local Authority special school is in the pipeline which may be available by the time you need it.

Non local authority special schools:

LVS School - https://www.lvs-oxford.org.uk/

Swalcliffe Park School (for boys) - www.swalcliffepark.co.uk

For all the above an Education Health & Care Plan is required

Fee paying private schools: I've heard that Sibford School has been supportive of an autistic pupil - https://www.sibfordschool.co.uk/

Also The Unicorn School - https://www.unicornoxford.co.uk/

There may be other 'private' schools that I am unaware of as mainstream has been my only option.

It's never too early to start planning for secondary school as it comes around really quickly.

Good luck exploring.

Hi Penguin, I'd be really interested to hear what schools you are considering as I am also in Oxfordshire.  My son is in y4 so I'm not looking seriously yet.

I will probably send my son to a state school but I plan to look at private options, more as a fallback.  I've wondered about D'Overbroecks as I think the informal atmosphere could suit my son, whereas I think he would hate the more  old fashioned private schools. I haven't looked at any schools seriously though. 

Personally I would not consider sending my son to boarding school as I feel he needs support from me, I would also worry about him being bullied. He also hates being away from home!

I have spoken to a few teachers and I know some schools do give good support for ASD, but I also hear how short of resources and funding they are. 

Good luck with finding the right school anyway.

I have high functioning autistic son - age 14 - he was fine in small village primary but anxiety went sky high in mainstream secondary school - I have just got him an EHCP and he is about to start Swalcliffe Park School which is an amazing school for autisic boys - also Woodeaton and LVS in Oxfordshire - you need to get an EHCP which has taken me almost 1 year - they are building another special school in Oxfordshire too

Unfortunately, as these 'disabilities' are socially constructed the labels given out by professionals are simply the educated opinion of a small number of people. These individuals might have been looking for a certain label, may not know what questions to ask etc. As such, it is really important that you work with people who simply focus on the challenges/weaknesses your son has and how he can overcome these rather than a specific label. 

Personally, 4 psychiatrists working for the NHS misdiagnosed me with bipolar disorder initially, plus an SpLD specialist diagnosed me with dyslexia. None of these labels were the right ones for me and caused years of unnecessary stress and additional work. I had to be incredibly firm with the NHS when I sought an initial autism assessment as these practitioners did not believe me, when in fact I am autistic and haven't experienced any MH issues since my diagnosis. Furthermore, I too had to independently seek an ADHD diagnosis as this was not picked up by any of the specialists I saw. I only realised that I am classed as having ADHD after working with a number of students who had been diagnosed and behaved the same as me. I was initially misdiagnosed with dyslexia as my mum is dyslexic, hence, this was what I initially explored with my university's disability team and they didn't try and investigate any other options.

I feel a specialist Education would benefit greatly i know you feel a mainstream setting would be better bit trust me as an Autistic individual who was in Msinstream school.

I was riddiculed, bullied and the Special Educational needs staff in Senco room did not support me. Class Work was too fast passed, really hard and then I ended up in a phyciatric unit over the constant lack of support from staff, teachers and being bullied. I was in this school untill year 11 and then I judt had enough and did something not good which was a due to nkt coping snymore.

I was in 2 phyciatric units, I only had Autism, Anxiety and low.mood and the school caused me to do a bad thing.

I went to a special needs school after my Karen's fault  hard for me to get in to the school.

When fost started the special needs school  at first I thought it would be a school thst you go to and just sit there and dont learn, but in fact I was helped with confidence, independence, life skills, learning etc. They really helped me.

Overall I feel you can be supported in a slecisl educational needs school or centre to hp you learn better, improve your life and make you overall happy to go to school each day, they csn help you in all manners in life and even talk and keep parents involved in your child's wellbeing, learning etc. They are always ready to help no matter what. 

So just choose a specisl needs school that can help your child or children with the needs and disabilities they have.

So before feeling these special needs school are not good  trust me they are just choose a special  needs school that can help your young person (persons) through every aspect if there life jist like a school in Lo don Edmonton called West Lea.

Thankyou for such a long reply! 

Some of your comments resonate, not sure about the ADHD though. Mainly as he has had two assessments already by CAMHS and community paediatrics as part of their overall assessment and they both thought his concentration was fine. Appreciate there could be milder form though. I'm going to discuss with my husband as I do think areas like the direct rather than vague instructions are an issue.

Thanks

Penguin1983 said:

His neuropsychiatry CAMHS consultant said that a mainstream school that is not highly selective and quite nuturing would be best

I am an SpLD specialist and from what you have written about your son I'd take this with a pinch of salt. If he's anxious and is in a minority compared to his peers being surrounded by others all the time will likely be a nightmare for him, especially if hs communication needs re in the minority. It doesn't sound like your son is dyslexic and instead is autistic and has ADHD. If your son is highly sensitive, is easily distracted etc a mainstream school doesn't sound like the right fit. If he's is having minimal support in primary and why have you been recommended to avoid academically selective schools? From what you've written it doesn't sound like there's any issue with his attainment even though he's operating in an environment where the lessons and assessment material hasn't been written in a way that is inclusive of his needs?  

I believe your son's main issues academically are his attention span (which affects his proofreading skills), plus his teacher's inability to communicate in a way that includes the needs of autistic individuals. For example, being vague rather than direct. Unless you're going to medicate your son his attention span won't improve, therefore, it's about accepting this and putting strategies in place to manage this. For example, I am studying a PhD and like many ADHDers I spend my day moving around the house with my laptop as I can't focus in one spot for a long time. Please remember that communication is a two way street. There's currently a lot of work going on in HE to try and educate lecturers in how to write assignment briefs that include everyone, instead of being so poorly written that many students need outside support to decode their communication in the form of autism mentors and specialist tutors. Are the schools you are looking at actively making an effort to communicate in a way that is suitable to autistic individuals or are they just accommodating the predominant neurotype and expecting autistic individuals to go through a lot of stress and effort to decode unsuitable communication? 

My daughter is autistic and I've just started looking at primary schools. As a specialist in the field I am aware of how poorly teachers are trained and was conscious that a lot of work in how to study most effectively for her needs will take place at home. The one that's at the top of our list is there because:

• It has small class sizes
• My LO can study there from 3-18, minimising the amount of instability she will face throughout her schooling
• Is on the tram route for when she's old enough to travel alone
• Has a large portion of aspirational girls, which will hopefully raise her aspirations
• Will push her academically
• Is responsive to our needs
• Has a focus on pastoral support
• Understands that our LO will work in a different way to her peers and will be accommodating of our request.(Unfortunately, I don't think the penny's dropped yet that it's their decisions in relation to the school's built environment and social expectations that cause the issues in the first place)

If I were in your shoes I'd be looking for a supportive environment and then paying for an academic skills tutor, who specialises in autism and SpLDs, to teach your son strategies for studying effectively and efficiently. 

Thanks. I recognise I do need to go and look and them - covid making that tough at the moment. I think I'll email all the admissions people and see what they can suggest re visiting in the autumn. I think I will check them out and shortlist then let my son visit!

You just need to go around and talk to the schools - all of them are different - some are pot-boilers/pressure cookers that feed directly to Oxford/Cambridge, some are Stepford Wife factories, some are sports mad, some are all about what's best for the kids etc.  You need to let your son go around with you on the visits to see if any catch his eye.      If he is taken with a particular school, he's more likely to feel comfortable and want to try harder rather than feeling stuck/dumped somewhere he doesn't fit.     Some are much better and more experienced at dealing with special needs, some aren't really interested - you'll get the vibe from the teachers.   

Because of my Aspergers, our daughter has developed 'aspie-dar' - she can spot aspies a mile away - and she says her sixth form school was full of them - and all went to Oxbridge.

Thanks. I think it might be a bit trickier here - potentially we have lots of school options but many of the schools are known to be academically pressured, which is a concern for me.

We have 3 of the most prestigious private schools around here (among others) and our daughter got outright offers from each as she changed from one to the next.      She was grown up enough to know which secondary and 6th form schools she wanted to attend.

Thanks, appreciate it. How did you pick the school your daughter attended?

Most autistic kids crave routine and predictability - boarding school has a very small chance of providing a perfect-fit sanctuary where there is space to escape if they are overloaded.        Private day schools are normally very good because of the small class sizes and lack of the 'disruptive element' causing a chaotic environment - and also £15k cheaper than boarding! 

My daughter went private from infants through to uni - and she's just graduated with a 1st.