Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
First post...
My son is at the end of year 5 and in a mainstream independent boys school that goes up to year 8. He was diagnosed with ASD age 7, which we were not particularly expecting at the time - we were seeing a community paediatrician about his irritable bladder and she mentionned it and referred onto a neuropsychiatry CAMHS service. We have been very lucky that his school, which he has been in since yr1 when we moved to our current home (Oxford), has been very helpful and supportive. We chose the independent school as when we moved into Oxford from elsewhere, we couldn't get a place at a state school that wasn't miles away or in special measures, but I'm pleased we ended up doing it now.
My son is well behaved at school, no challenging behaviours per se but he can get very anxious and scared, and doesn't require much 1:1. He has dyslexia and has a 1:1 1hr spelling focused session per week at the moment but that is all. His main difficulties in terms of school are dyslexia (spelling 2yrs behind), not coping with change, rushing work and not checking, interpreting everything very literally, highly sensitive, emotionally immature. His achievement is okay, overall he is not behind except for in English (spelling and what seems like carelessness seem to be the main issues) and has an above average IQ overall. He has an IEP in school but not an EHCP - realistically his ASD doesn't cause great enough problems at school to warrant that. I think the things which have helped him are it being a small school overall, smaller classes (about 15-18), kind nuturing staff and them being quite flexible.
We need to look for a secondary and/or senior school for him. He could start there in yr7 or yr9 depending on what seems best. Our two potential state comprehensives seem totally unsuitable, they are both HUGE schools with very diverse intake many of whom have much greater social, educational and /or health issues. One has 73% of school with english as an additional language, so I think their resources are stretched. I've visited both and don't think he would cope!
We are basically resigned to keeping him in independent schools as I just can't see him surviving a comprehensive. His neuropsychiatry CAMHS consultant said that a mainstream school that is not highly selective and quite nuturing would be best, and suggested that unless the school is very close then weekly boarding often works very well for her similar patients.
I want to make it clear I recognise that as a family we are incredibly lucky to be able to afford an independent school and many people could never do this.
Just wondered
- How did other people choose a mainstream secondary school for their ASD-offspring ? My other son is younger and neurotypical so no experience at all.
- Anyone had their child at a mainstream boarding school and found it worked?
Really grateful for any advice!
Most autistic kids crave routine and predictability - boarding school has a very small chance of providing a perfect-fit sanctuary where there is space to escape if they are overloaded. Private day schools are normally very good because of the small class sizes and lack of the 'disruptive element' causing a chaotic environment - and also £15k cheaper than boarding!
My daughter went private from infants through to uni - and she's just graduated with a 1st.
Thanks, appreciate it. How did you pick the school your daughter attended?
We have 3 of the most prestigious private schools around here (among others) and our daughter got outright offers from each as she changed from one to the next. She was grown up enough to know which secondary and 6th form schools she wanted to attend.
Thanks. I recognise I do need to go and look and them - covid making that tough at the moment. I think I'll email all the admissions people and see what they can suggest re visiting in the autumn. I think I will check them out and shortlist then let my son visit!
You just need to go around and talk to the schools - all of them are different - some are pot-boilers/pressure cookers that feed directly to Oxford/Cambridge, some are Stepford Wife factories, some are sports mad, some are all about what's best for the kids etc. You need to let your son go around with you on the visits to see if any catch his eye. If he is taken with a particular school, he's more likely to feel comfortable and want to try harder rather than feeling stuck/dumped somewhere he doesn't fit. Some are much better and more experienced at dealing with special needs, some aren't really interested - you'll get the vibe from the teachers.
Because of my Aspergers, our daughter has developed 'aspie-dar' - she can spot aspies a mile away - and she says her sixth form school was full of them - and all went to Oxbridge.
Thanks. I think it might be a bit trickier here - potentially we have lots of school options but many of the schools are known to be academically pressured, which is a concern for me.