Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
First post...
My son is at the end of year 5 and in a mainstream independent boys school that goes up to year 8. He was diagnosed with ASD age 7, which we were not particularly expecting at the time - we were seeing a community paediatrician about his irritable bladder and she mentionned it and referred onto a neuropsychiatry CAMHS service. We have been very lucky that his school, which he has been in since yr1 when we moved to our current home (Oxford), has been very helpful and supportive. We chose the independent school as when we moved into Oxford from elsewhere, we couldn't get a place at a state school that wasn't miles away or in special measures, but I'm pleased we ended up doing it now.
My son is well behaved at school, no challenging behaviours per se but he can get very anxious and scared, and doesn't require much 1:1. He has dyslexia and has a 1:1 1hr spelling focused session per week at the moment but that is all. His main difficulties in terms of school are dyslexia (spelling 2yrs behind), not coping with change, rushing work and not checking, interpreting everything very literally, highly sensitive, emotionally immature. His achievement is okay, overall he is not behind except for in English (spelling and what seems like carelessness seem to be the main issues) and has an above average IQ overall. He has an IEP in school but not an EHCP - realistically his ASD doesn't cause great enough problems at school to warrant that. I think the things which have helped him are it being a small school overall, smaller classes (about 15-18), kind nuturing staff and them being quite flexible.
We need to look for a secondary and/or senior school for him. He could start there in yr7 or yr9 depending on what seems best. Our two potential state comprehensives seem totally unsuitable, they are both HUGE schools with very diverse intake many of whom have much greater social, educational and /or health issues. One has 73% of school with english as an additional language, so I think their resources are stretched. I've visited both and don't think he would cope!
We are basically resigned to keeping him in independent schools as I just can't see him surviving a comprehensive. His neuropsychiatry CAMHS consultant said that a mainstream school that is not highly selective and quite nuturing would be best, and suggested that unless the school is very close then weekly boarding often works very well for her similar patients.
I want to make it clear I recognise that as a family we are incredibly lucky to be able to afford an independent school and many people could never do this.
Just wondered
- How did other people choose a mainstream secondary school for their ASD-offspring ? My other son is younger and neurotypical so no experience at all.
- Anyone had their child at a mainstream boarding school and found it worked?
Really grateful for any advice!
Most autistic kids crave routine and predictability - boarding school has a very small chance of providing a perfect-fit sanctuary where there is space to escape if they are overloaded. Private day schools are normally very good because of the small class sizes and lack of the 'disruptive element' causing a chaotic environment - and also £15k cheaper than boarding!
My daughter went private from infants through to uni - and she's just graduated with a 1st.
Thanks, appreciate it. How did you pick the school your daughter attended?
Thanks. We are looking very much at environment as the current school has provided that really well. It seems pretty clear that non mainstream options are not really a possibility at present, as my son has managed quite well in his current school, albeit a small private school. I did visit 3 local specialist schools and they only had children who were vastly more impaired than him, and only offer a few entry-level GCSE or similar vocational qualifications. To be honest to give him the best chances later on I would at least like to try a small more nuturing but very well organised/structured mainstream option where he would be able to take a range of GCSEs, have the option of lots of different activities/clubs (preferably including the type he likes based on history/science) and opportunity to learn to mix with a range of neurotypical kids. If it is a disaster then I guess we will look for other options asap. We are lucky that whilst we have our bad days, he is happy at the current school.
Good luck!
Hi - firstly I want to make you aware that I live in Scotland so education system very different. However, a few things that I can advise and suggest is that as a mum of 4 autistic daughters with a mix of ADHD (probable), ADD, Social anxiety, OCD, Generalised anxiety, health anxiety, epilepsy, Meares- Arlen, hyperacusis and severe sensory deficits profiles (and that's before all the additional medical problems) - I would suggest the best school environment would not be mainstream.
In Scotland some specialist units are within the mainstream school. These allow integration where and when possible but with the safer, quieter and supportive small group setting, with dedicated support and much less transitions, slower (more appropriate) pace and individual adapted education plans within (or out with as appropriate) the standard curriculum.
None of my girls have coped in mainstream - some having to be removed and placed in these specialist units since early to mid primary years as well as high school after trying mainstreams first only to great detriment to their mental health, general well being and educational achievement.
Its not usually an easy process, and indeed we had to go to Tribunal for 2 of our girls at one point, but if you get it right SOONER rather than later then its worth the fight. I can say that through experience of it being too late for in particular my eldest and now as my youngest is in her final year of primary school we are determined not to take no for an answer for our specialist placement request for session intake Aug 2021. She is barely getting through her. day in mainstream primary despite a nurturing supportive teacher, and an extensive support plan including visuals and many strategies such as brain and mobility breaks, chunking down info, repetition of instructions, concrete learning tools with 1 to 1 and small group for extra support, support during unstructured time and sensory strategies amongst many more. All this despite masking many of her difficulties well in the classroom but comes home and either shuts down or goes into a meltdown - if not both before the end of any night. Most people that don't understand her and her autism will tell you that she is 'coping well' or 'doing great' - whilst all the time she is overwhelmed beyond her breaking point and ready to explode as soon as she is out the school (so she can not be seen to be misbehaving, breaking the rules, or standing out from peers whom will cause her upset if they witness such scenes - as they do enough when they notice even the more subtle behaviours)
So I don't want to go on about schools as I know them, as they won't be the same for you - but I hope this account will help you make the right decision about the right environment for your son. The environment ALWAYS matters. if the environment is not right it does not matter about their academic potential because they won't be able to tap into that anyway.
hope that makes sense?
kind regards and good luck
Thanks. I recognise I do need to go and look and them - covid making that tough at the moment. I think I'll email all the admissions people and see what they can suggest re visiting in the autumn. I think I will check them out and shortlist then let my son visit!
You just need to go around and talk to the schools - all of them are different - some are pot-boilers/pressure cookers that feed directly to Oxford/Cambridge, some are Stepford Wife factories, some are sports mad, some are all about what's best for the kids etc. You need to let your son go around with you on the visits to see if any catch his eye. If he is taken with a particular school, he's more likely to feel comfortable and want to try harder rather than feeling stuck/dumped somewhere he doesn't fit. Some are much better and more experienced at dealing with special needs, some aren't really interested - you'll get the vibe from the teachers.
Because of my Aspergers, our daughter has developed 'aspie-dar' - she can spot aspies a mile away - and she says her sixth form school was full of them - and all went to Oxbridge.
Thanks. I think it might be a bit trickier here - potentially we have lots of school options but many of the schools are known to be academically pressured, which is a concern for me.
We have 3 of the most prestigious private schools around here (among others) and our daughter got outright offers from each as she changed from one to the next. She was grown up enough to know which secondary and 6th form schools she wanted to attend.