Tears over my son

I'm a parent who has a son age 3 who has recently been diagnosed on the Autistic spectrum. Today he went on his first outing with his mainstream nursery (my son being the only Autistic one in the class)  The amount of dirty looks me and my son were getting was very upsetting I felt like screaming 'He can't help it, he's autistic) I burst into tears in front of his teacher (feeling quite embarrassed now) and shortly left. I feel so alone at the moment and I'm just reaching out to anyone who has problems with other people's ignorance and how do you cope with there judgements. Thanks for reading x

  • Judgement is the hardest thing I've found through my life. I've only just found out I'm autistic but the amount of times I've heard the line "you're so weird" in my life is unreal.

    It amazes me people can give looks to a 3 year old though. How can you judge someone who is 3? Out of interest what was your son doing for people to be giving him looks?

    I don't have children but you'll find plenty on here that understand how you feel as a parent.

  • sorry to hear that some losers out there say 'you're so weird' The outing was at a church and they were doing arts and crafts all the other children were sat still doing as they were told, but my ray of sunshine was running everywhere, around the alter, and through the whole church, he likes to eat play dough too so he kept running back and forth eating that. My son has a fascination with doors so he ran through as many as a could. While I tried keeping up with him I felt the looks on people's faces were basically saying ' control your son's you see my son is not good at listening to instructions.....he's like a bird he just wants to be free to fly (or I should say 'run without stopping in this case)

  • I get that churches are not a playground but with or without autism, he is 3. What is wrong with a 3 year old running? He wasn't hurting anyone.

    Was it parents of other children or was it passers by? If it was parents, have you considered asking the nursery to organise some autism awareness at your nursery, particularly for the parents. So they can learn the difference between naughty and autism.

  • It was mainly from the elderly volunteers who run the craft session. 

  • Maybe it should be suggested that the volunteers are provided with a little more training in children and their differences.

  • Yes I totally agree there!

  • Hi,

    As it is Autism week, or for other times, you could just design and Print off a few, half dozen, card sized (A6) or pocket sized approximately leaflets saying that your son is Autistic, (I will assume more than most, since he has been diagnosed at the Age of 3), and say simply that your son is severely handicapped and if they would like to learn more about people with autism, refer them to this website, or to google autism.

    Write that this is how your son behaves and he will need to have people to understand what being diagnosed autistic means.

     To me this diagnoses came as a great relief that we at last had a diagnoses for his behavior and we could at least start on the struggle up from Abyss we were at the bottom of when my son was at last diagnosed for his behaviors. 

    I am the father of a son, Now aged 36, he is severely autistic, he was diagnosed at the age of 3.5 years.

    When he was 8 years old at a Medical Appeal Tribunal That took years to get to, being rejected at every step. this I won, where I had claimed Maximum ( as it was then) Invalid Care Allowance, and Maximum Mobility Allowance for him then and got back payments as requested, from when I first claimed. 

    He was running around the walls, like Billy Whizz.

    This was, and still is, only for Physically Disabled people.  I was able to establish that my sons autism was a physical and not a mental disability, or they would not have paid.

    I do not doubt that being autistic and know it might affect you mentally such as depression. BUT "For a blue badge it has to be a physical disability."

    My son does not know he is autistic. He knows the day and the Time, or what you should be doing at a specific time, or he will get a violent meltdown, the Art is to learn how to avoid certainty of expectation, such as by saying "SOON" when he request "AT" to pin it to a time.

    Today Invalid Care Allowance has been replaced by PIP. This is another Minefield. As is ESA needed for adults.

    if you claim this, you need a diary type records as to his behaviors, complaints etc. such as your outing, Dropping down in shops and even outside for no apparent reason, and the fact that you have to, not only keep him extremely close to you, except in a safe enclosed environment, but you may have to control his movements using a harness to protect him from others and others from him, because he is unpredictable Physically.  My Adult son has a PIP score of 47. including 12 for maximum mobility allowance. The Maximum needed for both benefits is 12+12. 

    I could possibly get a higher score, because he cannot comprehend language as language, any language other that cartoon phrases he has copied from Cartoons. It would be "pointless" unless he was arrested for something and it would needed to show he could not comprehend the proceedings, Just think ahead.

     You will need to get further advice from a specialist in this respect for your son. You also need to be careful, just what films you let him see, My son watches Bart Simpson almost Full time and there are violent parts in those cartoons that he has copied and enacted and enacts, so you be aware they affect him. He also still refers to Thomas the Tank engine from his very earliest childhood to describe something. His memory is extremely  accurate over his lifetime.

    Good luck to you and your son.

      

  • Hi Daisy, 

    As a mum of a 3 years old autistic daughter, I can understand your feeling. But please put your head up and give your little one lots of cuddles and kisses. I feel the same, not many ppl  know/understand autism or children with special needs. With that young age, ppl sometimes can’t tell. I find it easier to tell ppl sometimes that my girl is ‘special’ then they will understand. 

    My girl is doing exactly the same like your son, playdough also her favourite! 

    Please give lots of positive vibes to your son. When you are happy and confident in him, he will definitely feel it and will do better and better. Look at marginal improvement a day and good luck!

    Take care x

  • We've all been there - I'm a mum of 12 year autistic twins and I can think of many situations where strange looks have been given, not necessarily because they are doing anything wrong or naughty, but usually because they are doing it differently. It can be overwhelming to take on board your child's diagnosis and learning to understand them. There are certainly times when you want to burst into tears! I can only say that from my experience that I have tried to encourage my children to get involved in various different things and not hide them away. Sometimes when I have encouraged them to go out outside their comfort zone, the results have been pretty spectacular and they are developing into very funny, considerate and polite boys. You will always get some "dirty" looks but the key is not to take this to heart or be bothered too much by people's lack of knowledge or understanding and to take the line of "whatever". You don't need to compete with people like this or even try to prove a point - just make sure that the people that do count in your life understand and support you. Things do get better!