Help - Please

David, nobody has banned you or prevented you from giving your opinions.  You are still able to post in this thread, and your previous posts have not been deleted.

You have put your point, others have disagreed, and now you are being asked to acept that.

In a way you were right in your intuition that this thread was trouble: it has upset you!  But Henry's posts haven't upset most of us.

I think it has got to the stage where there is no point in discussing this further.  So I'm going to try and take the mod's advice and not argue this with you any more. I'm sorry we can't agree.

I have no right to my opinion? How intolerant of you! So what's the point of a open forum if one's passionate views are banned?

Ridiculous!!!

Don't worry I won't bother giving my experiences of being an Aspie anymore, and trying to get on in life...alone with no support from your Charity! I don't see what you do for those Adults on the spectrum with Aspergers anyway.

I had no post-diagnosis support, not one person contacted me...not one!!!

Stick your comments!!!

Hi again,

As mentioned before this is a place where people should be able to talk about important issues related to autism. This includes sexual matters.

DavidGolf47 - While you are uncomfortable with this others on here may want participate further in the discussion so please allow them the space to do so. You are free to explore other threads on this forum.

Recombinansocks - Appreciate your input though please stay away from language that appears judgemental about parental relationships.

We'd like to ask everyone to relax and take a break from this thread for a bit. 

Have a good weekend...

Avi

Moderator

How dare you bring my Father into this, what an odd comment to make.  Never have I discussed sex with my Dad. One can learn about sex from friends, books etc... How weird that you drag him into this.

He showed me how to get a instinct for sussing out people, and situation, thanks God for Fathers when it comes to Aspie boys, Mothers are no replacement,  and cannot pass on the skills one needs in life as a male. It's sad that many Autistic boys have no fathers at home, and I am sure they have it a lot harder than a aspie boy with an intact family set-up.

Those on the spectrum do have a a kind of sixth sense when compared to NT's, maybe you did not know this difference with those with typically wired brains and those with Autism.

Everything you wrote I knew anyway, and it's interesting to read your point of view, you have a very  knowledgable theory on Autism,  but I have not made any mistakes. Don't forget the ToM theory, we can think about our actions better after being diagnosed, but we struggle immensely, this led to me losing more than 20 jobs due to my actions.

We are for sure very different from each other, as they say.."When you meet on person with Autism, you have met one person with Autism"

Yes, we all have intuition, or a sixth sense, that is more or less reliable. We aren't able to reliably predict the future though but we have varying degrees of success with predicting individual future events.

To be clear, I am not criticising you but rather I am querying whether one of the conclusions that you have arrived at is true. I have no reason to doubt your integrity and sincerity and I believe that you do really think that Henry's posts were inappropriate. I am however suggesting that your conclusion, and your actions based on that conclusion, are out of line with everyone elses conclusions. There is a clear difference in my mind between being judgemental about a person's character and being able to agree or disagree with a conclusion that they have reached. I am aware that I have followed similar courses in the past and that I have been guilty of holding very damning views about people because of something they have done. It has got me into trouble on a number of occasions. Now that I have a diagnosis I try to stop myself from doing this because I am more aware of it and can see myself doing it. I am not saying that you are any different from me in this respect. It is hard for us to recognise this and apologise but it is a good thing to learn to accept that we have made a mistake and apologise. Being able to accept that we have made a mistake and that we need to apologise does not come naturally to us.

A common problem for us ASD folk is that we have difficulty in holding uncertain or ambiguous conclusions in our minds. It often seems that things are bad or good and there is no room for uncertainty or doubt. It seems to me that you have taken something that, perhaps, your father has said about sex and you have made this into a black and white rule. Perhaps there was more sublety in what your father intended than you have understood? Perhaps the rule applied in some circumstances but not as universally as you are trying to apply it?

Haven/t you read that some on the spectrum talk about having a sixth sense? I really do seem to sense whether someone is up to no good or not. My NT father taught me a bit whether something was going to be good or not, or if a person has good intentions or bad one. Autistics struggle reading people's facial expressions, and guidance is paramount at an early age, in order to decipher the body language as an child/teen/adult.

I even dream in colour(sometimes), and have often had premonitions, that come true. Recently I told my partner than Jordan Spieth would win the Masters in 2015 , I her that last year, and again after he won the week before Augusta. I knew Europe would come back and win on the last day of the Ryder Cup. I have dreamt of a fire in  the gear box of a car, the next day there was a fireball on a motorway in England,  and people burnt to death in their car. I can't remember more examples of my sisxth sense, but my partner can.

Aspies tend to have a strong sense for everything, smell, taste, hearing, touch, eye for details, that's what makes us un-typical. So dont criticise me for being what I am. Thanks.

David,

davidgolf47 said:

I have a good sixth sense.

Not sure that this is altogether true. You have HFA/Aspergers which, it seems to me, has given you some defiant behaviour. You haven't accepted the authority of the moderator. You haven't accepted the collective experience of the other contributors on the thread. Instead, you have latched onto an idea and pursued it regardless of all of the social signals and messages that an NT person would have recognised.

I have to repeat my fears over someone discussing their private sex life in their very first post. I did not read where Autism was the discussion, but someones libido, sexual moments, etc.....

Like I said those with Autism are often naive and easy to take advantage of, I am looking out for them.

If Henry is innocent then he would add more to the community, and post more about Autism.

I have a good sixth sense.

I am so sorry to have caused offence to anyone.

If it is any consolation, I am not a troll and like us all, I am well aware that there are plenty of other, more suitable places on the internet for the 'Cheap thrills' that David clearly has a good understanding of, and quite rightly admits are not suitable for this forum..

We have been on the same journey as the rest of you- been through the pain of diagnosis and statements, battles with the School, disappointment with Camhs, sensory issues, obsessions, depression, exhaustion, isolation, meltdowns etc etc etc.

The NAS is neither new or unknown to us, however as this is such a hard subject that is causing me pain at this point in my life I just wanted and needed some support in 100% anonymity.

As I said earlier, many thanks to those who understand and can be open and honest about being human, and have nothing to hide or be afraid of when it comes to 'The S-word' 

God bless, (whoever your God maybe)

No need to be paronising.

He has come here to cause trouble. Best be rid of him.  You fall for his game, others will too, hence my comments about him.

Enjoy Henry.

PS: David, I am sorry this thread is upsetting to you.  I think it's good for some people on the forum, but not for you.  I'm sorry about that.  Would you feel better if you stopped reading it?  Would you like to have a part of the forum where there are very strict rules and you can feel safer?

He might be a troll, but I agree with Socks he is probably not.  Even if he is, I think his problem is one many parents of autistic children will have. So this thread may be usefull to other parents.  There may be parents who have the same problem, but are afraid to talk about it.  This thread can make them feel less alone and maybe help them.

You don't get it.

Henry could have ignored talking about his sex life in his very first post.

He clearly is here for his fun and you have fallen for it.

He is not a serious member that wants to talk about Autism, but sex.

He is a fake.

I think we have a conflict of interest here.  David feels uncomfortable with any mention of sex.  Henry is expressing a problem which is probably shared by many parents.  As the forum is for parents as well as people with an asd I don't think Henry is out of order, since he is not being graphic.

David: it would be nice if everyone could have the forum they want.  But sometimes there have to be comprimises.

Not discussing sex at all is NOT good for niave young people: better sex education leads to less teenage pregnancies for example.  Being totally ignorant can, for example, lead to girls believing they are dieing when certain natural female functions happen for the first time.  I've gone further than Henry has in saying that, but I am saying less than I'd like to.  If you can lead a life free from all sex that's great, but young people are going to be, sometimes, approached by people asking for something, and they need to know what they are being asked in order to say no.

Maybe we could have a section on the forum with strict rules where people like David could feel safe?

Back to the subject of this thread: Henry, I agree it would be great if your wife attended councelling and took anti-depressants.  Problem is, those things have to be her decisions, and if you suggest them she may well see it as more pressure.  She may see it as you saying 'she has a problem' and that you don't.  Maybe a first step could be for you to go to councelling?  She might be willing to join in later to support you?

I would say he knows exactly what he is doing. Why then doesn't he discuss his autistic son, and all that goes with having a child with Autism.

Instead he chooses to talk about libido(private)his wife is the one with the problem, did she allow him to tell the world her private matters?

Can't you see he is not even duiscussing Autism? There are marriage counselling websites and sexual ones too...this is for those with Autism and also family members, but the discussion is always Autism. You tell me  what sex is doing here?

Wake up and smell the coffee! Pervert alert!!

No need to mention sex at all, many here are naive and some are young adult females/males. I strongly feel you have a ulterior motive. Change the subject and ask non-sexual questions! Your discussion has nothing to do with Autism! Nothing!!

davidgolf47 said:

Sure guidelines have been broken here. He mentions sex in his first ever post. Yet his post has nothing to do with Autism, it's about marriage issues, and he mentions sex too much.

I feel is might be taking advantage of Autistic people and it's actually quite creepy, and clever what he is doing.

I say ban him, you do not bring sex up in the first ever post. It's always a no no.

David,

Sex isn't a dirty little secret thing that can't be discussed. It is a normal part of adult life that can sometimes cause real problems for real people. Henry has put his question in reasonable terms and reasonable responses have been given. Nobody has been enticed or seduced into any untoward actions and no personal details have been disclosed.

He could be a troll but so could you or I. How can you tell which posters on a forum have genuine points of view or who is just having a laugh? I could suggest that you are a troll because all of your posts have been critical and negative. Your very first post on this forum was an objection to Henry's first post. However, I don't think that you are a troll and I don't think there is any cause to complain to the moderators. Sometimes we have to work hard to suppress the urge to go for a black or white judgement about someone who we know very little about. It is prudent to suspend judgement until we see how things develop. Over the length of this thread, it seems to me, Henry has not taken it in a more disturbing direction.

There is one interesting point for autistic people (e.g. me) to learn from this. Autistic people aren't the only people who struggle with sexual problems. NT folk struggle with these things too. NT people don't have problem free lives that that are incomparably better than autistic people's lives.

Thanks to all those who have given me constructive advice. Like us all, autism has touched my family in quite a profound way for many years, and as a normal human, at times my journey has made me question many aspects about being human, and yes - that also includes the S-word......

As I said at the start of my post, I hope this does not offend anyone.

Thanks again.

H

Sure guidelines have been broken here. He mentions sex in his first ever post. Yet his post has nothing to do with Autism, it's about marriage issues, and he mentions sex too much.

I feel is might be taking advantage of Autistic people and it's actually quite creepy, and clever what he is doing.

I say ban him, you do not bring sex up in the first ever post. It's always a no no.