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Help - Please

henry

I hope I don't offend anyone with this thread, but I would really like some help.

My wife and I have an autistic teenager and it is fair to say life has not been easy, however the last couple of years have been very testing. My wife has never had a high libido since the kids were born, but it has come to the pont where we have only had sex 1  or 2 times in the last 2 years. I am a good hard working christian man, who although far from perfect, does try to do all I can to provide. I love my wife dearly but we have such a lack of physical connection I can feel it slipping away. If I try to suggest help, councilling she goes mad and accuses me of being selfish, so it is basically off limits. I know my wife is hormonal and depressed, and tired all the time like many others in our situation. If this is normal behaviour I would accept that and just hope the spark comes back, however I would like to know what other folk out there experiences are in situations like ours. It is really starting to cripple me emotionally, and I do not know what to do. Even with the slightest suggestion of intimacy is rebuffed with an implication I am only after one thing. My wife says she loves me, and I am sure she does, but this is so hard and I cannot see a way forward.

Parents

  • I think we have a conflict of interest here.  David feels uncomfortable with any mention of sex.  Henry is expressing a problem which is probably shared by many parents.  As the forum is for parents as well as people with an asd I don't think Henry is out of order, since he is not being graphic.

    David: it would be nice if everyone could have the forum they want.  But sometimes there have to be comprimises.

    Not discussing sex at all is NOT good for niave young people: better sex education leads to less teenage pregnancies for example.  Being totally ignorant can, for example, lead to girls believing they are dieing when certain natural female functions happen for the first time.  I've gone further than Henry has in saying that, but I am saying less than I'd like to.  If you can lead a life free from all sex that's great, but young people are going to be, sometimes, approached by people asking for something, and they need to know what they are being asked in order to say no.

    Maybe we could have a section on the forum with strict rules where people like David could feel safe?

    Back to the subject of this thread: Henry, I agree it would be great if your wife attended councelling and took anti-depressants.  Problem is, those things have to be her decisions, and if you suggest them she may well see it as more pressure.  She may see it as you saying 'she has a problem' and that you don't.  Maybe a first step could be for you to go to councelling?  She might be willing to join in later to support you?

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  • I think we have a conflict of interest here.  David feels uncomfortable with any mention of sex.  Henry is expressing a problem which is probably shared by many parents.  As the forum is for parents as well as people with an asd I don't think Henry is out of order, since he is not being graphic.

    David: it would be nice if everyone could have the forum they want.  But sometimes there have to be comprimises.

    Not discussing sex at all is NOT good for niave young people: better sex education leads to less teenage pregnancies for example.  Being totally ignorant can, for example, lead to girls believing they are dieing when certain natural female functions happen for the first time.  I've gone further than Henry has in saying that, but I am saying less than I'd like to.  If you can lead a life free from all sex that's great, but young people are going to be, sometimes, approached by people asking for something, and they need to know what they are being asked in order to say no.

    Maybe we could have a section on the forum with strict rules where people like David could feel safe?

    Back to the subject of this thread: Henry, I agree it would be great if your wife attended councelling and took anti-depressants.  Problem is, those things have to be her decisions, and if you suggest them she may well see it as more pressure.  She may see it as you saying 'she has a problem' and that you don't.  Maybe a first step could be for you to go to councelling?  She might be willing to join in later to support you?

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