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Help - Please

henry

I hope I don't offend anyone with this thread, but I would really like some help.

My wife and I have an autistic teenager and it is fair to say life has not been easy, however the last couple of years have been very testing. My wife has never had a high libido since the kids were born, but it has come to the pont where we have only had sex 1  or 2 times in the last 2 years. I am a good hard working christian man, who although far from perfect, does try to do all I can to provide. I love my wife dearly but we have such a lack of physical connection I can feel it slipping away. If I try to suggest help, councilling she goes mad and accuses me of being selfish, so it is basically off limits. I know my wife is hormonal and depressed, and tired all the time like many others in our situation. If this is normal behaviour I would accept that and just hope the spark comes back, however I would like to know what other folk out there experiences are in situations like ours. It is really starting to cripple me emotionally, and I do not know what to do. Even with the slightest suggestion of intimacy is rebuffed with an implication I am only after one thing. My wife says she loves me, and I am sure she does, but this is so hard and I cannot see a way forward.

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Yes, we all have intuition, or a sixth sense, that is more or less reliable. We aren't able to reliably predict the future though but we have varying degrees of success with predicting individual future events.

    To be clear, I am not criticising you but rather I am querying whether one of the conclusions that you have arrived at is true. I have no reason to doubt your integrity and sincerity and I believe that you do really think that Henry's posts were inappropriate. I am however suggesting that your conclusion, and your actions based on that conclusion, are out of line with everyone elses conclusions. There is a clear difference in my mind between being judgemental about a person's character and being able to agree or disagree with a conclusion that they have reached. I am aware that I have followed similar courses in the past and that I have been guilty of holding very damning views about people because of something they have done. It has got me into trouble on a number of occasions. Now that I have a diagnosis I try to stop myself from doing this because I am more aware of it and can see myself doing it. I am not saying that you are any different from me in this respect. It is hard for us to recognise this and apologise but it is a good thing to learn to accept that we have made a mistake and apologise. Being able to accept that we have made a mistake and that we need to apologise does not come naturally to us.

    A common problem for us ASD folk is that we have difficulty in holding uncertain or ambiguous conclusions in our minds. It often seems that things are bad or good and there is no room for uncertainty or doubt. It seems to me that you have taken something that, perhaps, your father has said about sex and you have made this into a black and white rule. Perhaps there was more sublety in what your father intended than you have understood? Perhaps the rule applied in some circumstances but not as universally as you are trying to apply it?

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  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Yes, we all have intuition, or a sixth sense, that is more or less reliable. We aren't able to reliably predict the future though but we have varying degrees of success with predicting individual future events.

    To be clear, I am not criticising you but rather I am querying whether one of the conclusions that you have arrived at is true. I have no reason to doubt your integrity and sincerity and I believe that you do really think that Henry's posts were inappropriate. I am however suggesting that your conclusion, and your actions based on that conclusion, are out of line with everyone elses conclusions. There is a clear difference in my mind between being judgemental about a person's character and being able to agree or disagree with a conclusion that they have reached. I am aware that I have followed similar courses in the past and that I have been guilty of holding very damning views about people because of something they have done. It has got me into trouble on a number of occasions. Now that I have a diagnosis I try to stop myself from doing this because I am more aware of it and can see myself doing it. I am not saying that you are any different from me in this respect. It is hard for us to recognise this and apologise but it is a good thing to learn to accept that we have made a mistake and apologise. Being able to accept that we have made a mistake and that we need to apologise does not come naturally to us.

    A common problem for us ASD folk is that we have difficulty in holding uncertain or ambiguous conclusions in our minds. It often seems that things are bad or good and there is no room for uncertainty or doubt. It seems to me that you have taken something that, perhaps, your father has said about sex and you have made this into a black and white rule. Perhaps there was more sublety in what your father intended than you have understood? Perhaps the rule applied in some circumstances but not as universally as you are trying to apply it?

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