new and lost

anyone suggest personal liability insurance places please??

someone suggested i get covered for my 13 yr old son for destruction n damage to good at home when in melt down mode,is it worth it etc ??

any info advice welcomed many thanks 

jen xx

He is relieved to be honest - just gonna be hard to adjust to havin an autistic son n make changes that work for him. 

Dunno wot the next steps are or anythin! X

It sounds as though you are well and truly in the system now. Hopefully 'they' will have a plan of actions to help you and your son.

Some of the things that might be useful in my opinion

- you could go on a training course about how to manage and bring up an autistic child

- your son will need something similar about how to manage with being on the autistic spectrum

I know there are courses for parents of younger autitic children but don't know exactly what happens when the diagnosis happens at this age. Perhaps another community member will advise on this.

The other thing to do is to read all about it. I have "Living Well on the Spectrum" by Valerie Gaus. This is a very practical and upbeat book about what the differences are and how to overcome some of the obstacles.

He should be able to thrive in the right environment. It sounds as though the school is well prepared for people like him. I hope, and think you are on the right track already, you can make his home life as aspie friendly as you can. This doesn't mean giving in to him all of the time but you will have to work out boundaries and work, with him, to find out what works.

:-)

I think that is good news! You can start properly to accept it and move forward now. How has your son taken the news?

just had to post 

sorry - had a call from the asc pathway diagnoses panel manager

my son has been confirmed to have autism,i broke down on the phone dunno whether it was relief or wot ....

i'm shocked but not shocked in the same breath if asny of this makes sense... 

just wanted to ask you guys what i should expect next or what do i need to do next,i know its gonna be a long hard battle as rules n mannerisms are already in place from obviously him being 13 n i have now got alot of learning n re jigging to do to make our lives more livable.

any advice is more than welcome

omg!!! x

New high school have been amazing. Had a positive email today!Shocked tho - my son lewis is now due soon to be assessed by panel for a decision - the woman that deals with them says all his relevant paperwork is there n been processed n now gotta await.

  Nervous and anxious to say the least. Know it the best decision if they make that answer a yes... Dunno wot happens next or wot to expect or wot to do! Xx

Glad you feel less alone now, your story seems to be like many others. I too was told my sons behaviour difficulties were due to my poor parenting,because of his obvious academic ability teachers wouldnt contemplate anything else. That attitude just makes you feel so lonely, and makes you question yourself all the time which doesn't help at all.

The frustrating thing is that primary school took the same approach with my younger son, even after the older one had been diagnosed and went from 100% school refusal, to 100% attendnce from day one at a special school for kids with ASD. The head even accused me of "trying" to get my younger one diagnosed, as if this is something I want to excuse the supposedly bad parenting, rather than getting the help my son needs to succeed!

So glad you have found a more helpful secondary school who are actually listening to you and supporting you and your son. Good luck with diagnosis , statementing etc

hiya 

thank you all for your replies -helps knowing im not the only one - no formal diagnoses as yet!! yeah he knows wots goin on and why - but he doesnt understand why he feels different if that makes sense,yes all this has only come to light since the transition from junior school to secondary.

i had to move his schools(secondary) in may as his previous school where saying it was me and my parenting skills and my approach to him,as they didnt see any problems with him as he is extremely academic and was achieving targets , my arguement was that was all well n good n was proud he was doin well but if his meltdowns amounted to him managing to take his own life would they have been there for me to help and support me with the loss of my child got no response 

i changed his schools his demeanour has changed no rounded shoulders wanting to go to school rather than making every excuse under the sun not to go in,this school has listened,taken him on and treat him as he has asc - until the diagnoses arrives,he on the asc diagnostic panel waiting list to go to panel but a huge wait xxx

Hi Jenjen74

Firstly a big hug to you ...secondly seeking support and guidance is a great start.  Does your son know of his diagnosis and does he understand it?  There may be a period of adjustment for some after a diagnosis, so some anger may come from fear.

He may also be hurting you to see if you will leave like his dad did.  He may feel his dad leaving is his fault and pushes your buttons in the hopes of confirming his belief.  Children do tend to blame themselves so it is important to stress that he had nothing to do with his dad leaving. 

It is important that your daughter is protected from his outbursts as much as possible and that both children don't feel you favour one over the other.  This can be extremely hard when he feels so low.  I used to have alternate Saturday where I would do something with one child of their choosing and next weekend with the other.  

I also never forced my children to see their dad, it was always their choice and I made it clear that whatever they choose was absolutely ok.  Sometimes they refused to see their dad and I got dragged to court, but I stood my ground.  The father until recently believed I lied or had turned them against him.  My eldest told him recently that I had always asked if they wanted to see dad or invite him to events and has told them that if ever they wanted to see him I would drive them over if he couldn't pick them up.  My son said he just went quiet and had nothing to say, I don't suppose he will ever apologise for bad mouthing me.   Anyway my point is that you can get through this.  Their are many of us parents who have been through similar situations, so please keep talking and sharing your problems.

Hugs

oh my word sending you big hugs. I agree with Clearwater. Hang in there and definitely trust your gut instincts especially re discipline. We had a lot of same advice when we were unsure of what was happening and thought things were bad behaviour but ASD has brought a huge difference and understanding.

I hope the services offer some practical help and is there anyone you can just sound off to that will give you a cuppa and a hug and just be there for moral support. I have read some wonderful advice on here so support will come from people who truly understand. 

Take care.

I just read your post, and thought how similar our stories are. My now 14yr old boy was only diagnosed with Asperger's after not coping following the transition to senior school. He became more and more anxious not sleeping then depressed, talked about dying all the time and tried to take his own life...all whilst only 12 years old. He would also have regular meltdowns, and would" attack me" grappling me to the ground, sometimes just to hold me there and shout, sometimes to poke and hurt me to try and get his own way...

Anyway there is hope:) Once diagnosed people around slowly stopped telling me how I should discipline him more/be stricter etc, and I learnt a lot about ASD behaviour and management from this site and books, and a managing anger seminar run by the NAS. Basically the main thing is for you to stay calm and safe, and not escalate the behaviour. To an outsider sometimes it looks as if you are letting the child "rule", but in reality I pick my battles, and often end up discussing unacceptable behaviour long after the event when he has calmed down enough to listen, and then giving a consequence for it. I started this process very gradually as like you my son was in a very low state, and needed all the love and reassurance I could give him. It was exhausting, and very difficult for his younger brother. It also resulted in me separating from my husband of many years( who probably is undiagnosed ASD), as his belief was that anger needed to be met with bigger stronger adult anger, resulting in my son becoming terrified of him.

My best advice be kind to yourself and trust your gut instinct, get support from others in the same position, sadly parents with neurotypical kids will struggle to understand and often end up undermining your confidence. Finally things are now oddles better for us, after a year on my own, my son getting his diagnosis and some antidepressants, and going to a fabulous independant special school...I finally feel like I have my old son back.

omg!!! wow .... n i thought it was me - me failing as a parent.

im struggling in all of this alone.when he blows he blows but sometimes he has to goad me as to getting him down if that makes sense, he has hurt me as in pulled muscles etc never any physical marks on me.

sometimes find it difficult as there arent any restraining techniques to be used - im told to ring the police bearing in mind he is only 13 he 6ft tall and has the strength of two fellas when in meltdown mode( now i been told wot they are) my daughter suffers also cos majority of the time is taken up with him.

i have no one to confide in or turn too - tho all the outside agencies that have been involved since nov last year have been amazing n if it wasnt for them i wouldnt have known any of this 

Welcome!

Yours is a common story on this forum but I would like to offer some hope that there are practical things to be done and there is support available that can help to improve his, and your, life.

Severe discipline is the last thing your child needs. ASD sufferers benefit from consistency, quiet and unreasonably reasonable parenting. Don't promise or threaten something that you can't or won't follow through on. Don't shout, confront or intimidate but let him go and cool off in a quiet place if he boils over. He will need to know what the boundaries are so don't let him get away with things that you might regret.

There is a lot to be learnt from the dicussion forum, just reading and taking part in the discussions can help you work out what you want to do and where to go for help.

:-)