I wasn’t sure what thread to put this under as I haven’t used the website on here in a while. I’ve been questioning my sexuality, I’m a 21 year old female and i haven’t dated properly but i find myself drawn to the same sex.
The problem is I can’t tell if I’m attracted to the opposite sex or due to the fact it’s difficult for me to identity what emotions I’m feeling, i just convince myself i am.
I am not so sure how to approach this issue.
I grew up in a working class world where everyone was straight as far as I could tell. I thought I wanted to marry and have children. Well it turns out I was partly right, I love my family, but I think if I was a young person now I would realise I am asexual. I dont need a sexual relationship with anyone else. I enjoy other people’s company in a non sexual way, probably women’s company more than men’s. But when it comes down to it, sex with another person is something I don’t really need.
I don't know the answer, I've never had any doubt, but all I can think of is who would you most like to hold close.
If you can't identify the emotions, you could consider physiological or subconscious responses, these bypass the thinking. Things like flushed face, quickening heart rate, pupils dilated, playing with hair, arousal, you can look up what they are. This may give you an indication.
You may not feel much if you need to know the person first.
Yeah it’s funny isn’t it if you’re not the sort of person to conform to having your nails done or crying over one of them being chipped. Suddenly you’re not conforming to majority …. And being labelled that way certainly has an impact on you, yourself growing up and questioning am I really different? Maybe I am a lesbian? I think if there hasn’t been already there needs to be a big push on women being women for climbing trees, for using there intelligence for not going partying in stupid tiny clothes and strappy heels in minus temperatures
*not saying these things define you as a lesbian or not - more the definition of femininity and stereotyping
Oh thank you, I was half expecting to be shouted down for that post. I'm 63 and have moved past wnting a relationship or thinking I ought to have one. As you get older peoples expectatins change and one of the things I found totally mind blowing and not in a good way, was finding myself newly single in my mid thirties then again in my forties was how many people thought I was going to come down with late onset lesbianism! There was almost an expectation that since I'd had kids, my whole sexual orientation would change, men would feel almost duty bound to offer to save me from myself, I didn't need saving from myself but them!
Well said about the upbringing thing 
it is very confusing in this modern world. Stereotypes and projections and expectations of gender roles and identities …. Exhausting.
I think if I were a young person in todays world I'd feel confused too, not just about what I feel, or who, but about the expectations of the people around me. When I was younger, a child and teenager, I was often told I was to big to be a proper girl, that I was big enough to be a boy. What they meant was I'm tall and always was and am. When guys I fancied said stuff like this, it was confusing and alienating, oe even told me that I must be a lesbian because he didn't fancy me and he fancied women! I wonder if I would of just retreated in confusion or if I would have started questioning both my orientation and my gender.
How does it feel if you fantasise about a woman or a man, touching them, being touched by them? This could be a way of exploring if you're attracted one one or both genders or neither.
I think I’m more like you…. Would prefer to find a long term partner somebody with good amount of emotional intelligence and interested in art and social sciences. However I now no longer think I will let anybody in again…. My own company is the way forward
Do you think there's a possibility that you feel society expects you be to be attracted to the opposite sex so you have tried to mentally convince yourself you are? I only say this as people often talk about being confused about sexuality when they feel they are attracted to the same sex but I've never heard a straight person say they are confused about their sexuality when they are attracted to the opposite sex. I think even with the growing acceptance of differences in sexuality people still feel this subconscious pressure of society to be "normal". Perhaps you might be attracted to both sexes.
I honestly don't think you need to spend much time figuring it out. I don't think you need to name your sexuality and I don't think it has to be one thing or the other. If you want to then that's obviously fine. But I think just enjoy the feeling when you do feel attracted to someone and if you do find yourself in the world of dating, date who feels comfortable to you what ever their sex may be.
I don't know whether any of that was helpful to you. I know these things can be more difficult emotionally than I am making it sound. I just think these things can be over thought.
we learned together, thank you for bringing up this topic now i think i know myself more
I must be very boring because I never found anyone particularly sexually attractive. My parents were ill-suited and always arguing or 'silent'. I never learned to 'relate.' Perhaps knowing the 'signals' is part gene-inherited, part learned and part instinctive.
At the moment, I prefer to be alone; however, for years I dated and lived with people.
That sounds like me! I was married, twice, in the conventional sense, but never happy - both very coercive men. Perhaps 'mono sexual' should be recognised as an official sexuality. I've been criticised for 'being unnatural' or 'cold' when I still have 'heart' and physical feelings as strong as anyone else. I've lived a full life despite living alone for 40 years.
that too
I was going to say Goose, I think the term you are looking for is sexually fluid
genderfluid like me and bounce betwern male and female its more fun that way
That's gender though not sexuality.
you can be genderfluid like me and bounce betwern male and female its more fun that way
Fundamentally you may have an inkling of which sex you prefer. There have been times when I thought I might have been bisexual, as some of my choices as a teenager were kind of on the feminine side, but I also have quite an overbearing mother, so this might have played a role in that. I would suggest dating in the usual way, or just asking yourself honestly: if no one was influencing you, who would you like to be with? I can go for a while without dating -when I was younger I might have been more concerned about this. At the moment, I prefer to be alone; however, for years I dated and lived with people..
i class myself as genderfluid but i find myself sexually attracted to men more it makes me happy and thats the main thing
Back in the day, I think the 1970s, there was a practical system for divining sexual orientation. It involved making a note of the gender of people you found sexually attractive, or just attractive, you encountered when in public during daily life. I think it was up to the first 10 people, this, it was claimed, would give you a measure of how sexually attracted you were to each gender, with bisexuals scoring around the middle.
mmh im kinda the same but male not sure if im attracted to men women or trans, i also love wearing female underwear. especially satin type and has to be muted pink and have a pretty little bow
