Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I hope it’s ok I post here. My son who just turned 8 has been assessed by a speech and language therapist and she thinks he may be on the autism spectrum, she told me I should think Asperger’s. He seems to struggle with sustaining friendships in the playground and doesn’t always seem to be aware of other people’s emotions and social cues. He can speak quite loudly, though not always, and copies a lot of phrases from language he’s heard elsewhere, i.e. from tv, books and audio books. He can get quite engrossed in hobbies, currently playing the guitar, but there is still plenty of room for other things like all sorts of sports, Lego, etc. so I wouldn’t necessarily call these an obsession.
Thing is, my son is the most easygoing child. Does not care for routine much at all, if anything changes last minute he’s cool with that and he’s just generally very adaptable. He also doesn’t have any repetitive behaviours or any sensory issues at all and is always happy to try new foods. He hit all his milestones fine when he was little and did enjoy imaginative play, at least he liked dressing up and performing.
I’m so torn over whether I should have him diagnosed. He’s so little and it seems like a really big deal. In my heart I don’t really think he is autistic. I read that for many parents the diagnosis was a relief or a confirmation of something they had long thought to be true. For us it’s the opposite. We have never felt our son showed unusual behaviours but after everything I’ve not read on Asperger’s/ASD I must admit he has more traits than I thought.
My question is: are his language issues enough reason to go down the route of diagnosis? Or does the absence of the other behavioural traits make it less likely he’s got ASD? I would love to hear other people’s advice and experience. Thank you for reading.
Hi, there are already a lot of useful tips posted here, but I wondered if you would be interested in knowing why I didn't find out I was autistic until I was over 50, as when I was a child I had some of the characteristics of your son.
As a child I was also easygoing and wasn't fixated on routine (I often lost track of time, while daydreaming) I didn't have any developmental delays. I slept well. I wasn't fussy about food. I had no sensory issues apart from sensitivity to cold and stiff scratchy clothes. I was good at reading and spelling. I enjoyed books, art and crafts, music and dance, and loved animals. I had a few friends at school. I didn't stim, I didn't have any obvious problems with eye contact.
So what "clues" should have identified me as autistic? Here are some....
I had an imaginary friend (and later, an imaginary horse) so good imagination, but didn't enjoy group play much unless I was in control of the game. Sometimes I would just watch others.
I had gastro-intestinal problems from a very young age (common in autistic people)
My reading was very advanced (now known as alexythemia, but nobody knew what that was then) - this may be seen in autistic children, although many on the spectrum are dyslexic.
My interest in horses was obsessive (I read everything I could find about them, drew them, collected models of them)
I taught myself to play guitar aged 11 (we can be self teachers if we're really interested in learning something)
My friend groups changed a lot over the years and I was generally not invited to parties, or even to other friends' homes - I mostly only mixed with them at school. It didn't bother me.
I preferred the company of younger children, and of adults, to kids my own age
I was clumsy and found it difficult to catch a ball. I also had problems learning to ride a bike and tie shoelaces (this is called dyspraxia, also common in autistic people)
Despite being fairly intelligent, I under-performed at school and didn't do well in exams.
This was in the 1960s and 70s though, so nobody really knew what autism was then.
Caelus said:ah everyone thought i had learning difficulties, thats a boomer thing as they didnt know of all these mental conditions now.they had a private special needs teacher do a test on me at home though and she actually said im smarter than average kid my age and this totally threw everyone off and was the end of any attempt to help me or figure me out haha
Sorry assumptions were made about you.
ah everyone thought i had learning difficulties, thats a boomer thing as they didnt know of all these mental conditions now.they had a private special needs teacher do a test on me at home though and she actually said im smarter than average kid my age and this totally threw everyone off and was the end of any attempt to help me or figure me out hahaantisocial though i dont think that fits as thats often used for chav gangs and they are often super social so that antisocial label always confuses me as its often applied to people whos issues are down to them joining gangs of chavs.
You are welcome! It’s a great graphic, it definitely changes perspectives.
thats due to autism being a spectrum... the fact they told you to think more of aspergers tells me hes high functioning, aspergers is no longer used, its all asd.... the fact they said think of aspergers is them trying to differentiate and point out on the spectrum that it is high functioning and not as bad as the really bad cases so he will appear normal and you will doubt it, because its more high functioning and towards where aspergers was instead.before there was autism, and aspergers.... autism was usually the really bad one and more people where likely to understand and know there is something wrong, while aspergers was usually the one where everyone didnt know and doubted anything was wrong with you. but yeah they made them both asd and got rid of aspergers.
Very interesting graphic - I had never thought of it that way. Thank you for sharing
My apologies if you thought I was accusing you of being ashamed of your son if he's autistic. That really wasn't what I meant to imply or what I was meaning. I do understand what a surprise it must be though. As parents we do our best. Perhaps your sons speech therapist is right. Perhaps she's wrong. Only you can decide what steps to take.
Some autistics, like me, are 'time blind' to a certain extent. Obviously, someone who is time blind has no need for, or ability to follow, strict routines. I still like things to remain the same, and dislike change, but routines play very little part in my life.
Many autistics have very vivid imaginations, it is social imagination that we often have problems with, which is a relatively narrow part of imagination.
NAS93647 said:I don’t mind putting a ‘label’ on my child if that gets him the help he needs. I think the best next step would be to speak to a therapist
It’s not a label, autistic is the name of our neurotype and identity. I hope you are able to get the support you and your son need.
If you think autistic is a label, please consider this important graphic:
Hi! That actually sounds a lot like me when I was little. My favorite thing ever was pretending that there were dragons ALL OVER and it was my job to rescue them. I'm honestly surprised that I was diagnosed so young and officially, most people like me are diagnosed super late. If I were you, I would pursue a diagnosis. And autism isn't all issues, either. Remember that, and if you don't get a diagnosis, if he feels different, tell him that there's a chance he might be Autistic so that he can pursue that on his own.
My mom was informed by my teachers that I’m probably autistic. She denied that and refused having me tested. She has no idea what I went through because of lack of support. She is still in denial but I don’t care anymore. If she thinks I’m broken because of being autistic, it’s shame on her. I’m happy that now there is more awareness and parents care more about their children getting support.
Sorry to read you think I believe autism to be shameful. I certainly don’t. I would fully accept it if my son is. In fact I have suspected my daughter may be on the spectrum for some time and we are looking into this. For my son it just came as a real surprise, that’s all, and I’m wondering if as his mum I have missed the signs.
This is very helpful, thank you very much. I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that in your youth. I will speak to our GP this week to discuss a pre assessment as you suggest.
I really appreciate everyone’s comments. I hope I haven’t said anything that feels offensive to anyone. This is all very new to me and I’m still learning. Up until two weeks ago I knew pretty much nothing about autism. I’ve been reading so much about it now and I just feel very confused about my own child. I am also sorry for the struggles people say they have been through as a result of not being diagnosed. Of course I certainly don’t want that for him. I don’t mind putting a ‘label’ on my child if that gets him the help he needs. I think the best next step would be to speak to a therapist.
Being autistic is not defined by struggling, I am sorry you think that way.
He can be a happy autistic child and this doesn’t make formal identification (diagnosis) any less important or necessary for him, he deserves to understand his neurology.
I am a happy autistic adult and it concerns me that in order to be autistic, people assume that one must be struggling or have challenges. We are neurologically different, it’s that simple! However I do understand where these beliefs stem from- namely outdated and harmful diagnostic criteria and the fact that many members of our community are only identified at crisis point.
I hope my response is helpful and makes you reconsider what being autistic actually means.
Hi
I presented as a regular kid but on the inside I felt anything but regular. I've always known there was something amiss. I never felt like I fit in with other kids but on the outside I seemed to be just fine. I hit my milestones and did my best but internally I've always struggled but I just got on with it because I thought this was everyone's experience of life.
I got married and had a child and managed to sustain a long (and mostly happy) marriage. I didn't see that my child was autistic because her "normal" was also my "normal" . She was diagnosed aged 40 and I was diagnosed aged 62.
Recently we had a conversation about parents not wanting to put a "label" on their kids. Back in the 1960s and 1970s the information just wasn't available. If I found out that my parents had had an inkling that I'm autistic and chose not to investigate that I would be so incredibly angry with them.
I'm going through a mourning period right now as I mourn who I should have been if only I'd known. I feel like my whole life has been a lie. Had I got my "label" when I was young and received appropriate help and accommodations how different my life could have been. Instead I've reached my 60s and I feel as though I'm a completely lame and useless person. Nobody wants that.
Being autistic isn't shameful.
It's just who we are and how we are.
A diagnosis should not add or take away from who he is, he's still the same person, but if he needs some extra support in a certain area, the support will be there.
it’s hard to say from just one description, but before the assessment there should be some appointment when the specialists assess if the person might be on the spectrum or not. You can also get advice from a therapist. There also a possibility, that he may have some other conditions, for example ADHD, many traits overlap between these two conditions, including difficulty reading social cues. what I remember from my childhood - I hated new foods, I was afraid of them. I was afraid of anything that was new. A school trip was nightmare for me due to sensory issues, bullies and change in the routine. I used to sit in the bus, cover my ears and cry silently and repeat in whisper “tomorrow everything will be back to normal , tomorrow we will have classes like always”. Changes like new semester, new schedule, new teacher, new subject were horrible for me, made me stiff, feel sick, shutdown. When it comes to interests I was fixated on trams, magnets and Barbie dolls, but I never played roles, I could sit hours with the doll in my hands and study the details of her face body and hair, setting up s dollhouse for her or sewing clothes for her. This is how I played. I want to emphasise that this is only my experience and there are many other people having different one. If you have any doubts about your son’s mental health I think it’s good to take it seriously and have it consulted, to ensure the best possible quality of life.
I’d also like to add that, above all, he’s a very happy child who doesn’t seem to be to bothered by any of these challenges. Also that he will receive language therapy regardless as he obviously needs support in that area.