Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I hope it’s ok I post here. My son who just turned 8 has been assessed by a speech and language therapist and she thinks he may be on the autism spectrum, she told me I should think Asperger’s. He seems to struggle with sustaining friendships in the playground and doesn’t always seem to be aware of other people’s emotions and social cues. He can speak quite loudly, though not always, and copies a lot of phrases from language he’s heard elsewhere, i.e. from tv, books and audio books. He can get quite engrossed in hobbies, currently playing the guitar, but there is still plenty of room for other things like all sorts of sports, Lego, etc. so I wouldn’t necessarily call these an obsession.
Thing is, my son is the most easygoing child. Does not care for routine much at all, if anything changes last minute he’s cool with that and he’s just generally very adaptable. He also doesn’t have any repetitive behaviours or any sensory issues at all and is always happy to try new foods. He hit all his milestones fine when he was little and did enjoy imaginative play, at least he liked dressing up and performing.
I’m so torn over whether I should have him diagnosed. He’s so little and it seems like a really big deal. In my heart I don’t really think he is autistic. I read that for many parents the diagnosis was a relief or a confirmation of something they had long thought to be true. For us it’s the opposite. We have never felt our son showed unusual behaviours but after everything I’ve not read on Asperger’s/ASD I must admit he has more traits than I thought.
My question is: are his language issues enough reason to go down the route of diagnosis? Or does the absence of the other behavioural traits make it less likely he’s got ASD? I would love to hear other people’s advice and experience. Thank you for reading.
Hi, there are already a lot of useful tips posted here, but I wondered if you would be interested in knowing why I didn't find out I was autistic until I was over 50, as when I was a child I had some of the characteristics of your son.
As a child I was also easygoing and wasn't fixated on routine (I often lost track of time, while daydreaming) I didn't have any developmental delays. I slept well. I wasn't fussy about food. I had no sensory issues apart from sensitivity to cold and stiff scratchy clothes. I was good at reading and spelling. I enjoyed books, art and crafts, music and dance, and loved animals. I had a few friends at school. I didn't stim, I didn't have any obvious problems with eye contact.
So what "clues" should have identified me as autistic? Here are some....
I had an imaginary friend (and later, an imaginary horse) so good imagination, but didn't enjoy group play much unless I was in control of the game. Sometimes I would just watch others.
I had gastro-intestinal problems from a very young age (common in autistic people)
My reading was very advanced (now known as alexythemia, but nobody knew what that was then) - this may be seen in autistic children, although many on the spectrum are dyslexic.
My interest in horses was obsessive (I read everything I could find about them, drew them, collected models of them)
I taught myself to play guitar aged 11 (we can be self teachers if we're really interested in learning something)
My friend groups changed a lot over the years and I was generally not invited to parties, or even to other friends' homes - I mostly only mixed with them at school. It didn't bother me.
I preferred the company of younger children, and of adults, to kids my own age
I was clumsy and found it difficult to catch a ball. I also had problems learning to ride a bike and tie shoelaces (this is called dyspraxia, also common in autistic people)
Despite being fairly intelligent, I under-performed at school and didn't do well in exams.
This was in the 1960s and 70s though, so nobody really knew what autism was then.