Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I hope it’s ok I post here. My son who just turned 8 has been assessed by a speech and language therapist and she thinks he may be on the autism spectrum, she told me I should think Asperger’s. He seems to struggle with sustaining friendships in the playground and doesn’t always seem to be aware of other people’s emotions and social cues. He can speak quite loudly, though not always, and copies a lot of phrases from language he’s heard elsewhere, i.e. from tv, books and audio books. He can get quite engrossed in hobbies, currently playing the guitar, but there is still plenty of room for other things like all sorts of sports, Lego, etc. so I wouldn’t necessarily call these an obsession.
Thing is, my son is the most easygoing child. Does not care for routine much at all, if anything changes last minute he’s cool with that and he’s just generally very adaptable. He also doesn’t have any repetitive behaviours or any sensory issues at all and is always happy to try new foods. He hit all his milestones fine when he was little and did enjoy imaginative play, at least he liked dressing up and performing.
I’m so torn over whether I should have him diagnosed. He’s so little and it seems like a really big deal. In my heart I don’t really think he is autistic. I read that for many parents the diagnosis was a relief or a confirmation of something they had long thought to be true. For us it’s the opposite. We have never felt our son showed unusual behaviours but after everything I’ve not read on Asperger’s/ASD I must admit he has more traits than I thought.
My question is: are his language issues enough reason to go down the route of diagnosis? Or does the absence of the other behavioural traits make it less likely he’s got ASD? I would love to hear other people’s advice and experience. Thank you for reading.
Hi
I presented as a regular kid but on the inside I felt anything but regular. I've always known there was something amiss. I never felt like I fit in with other kids but on the outside I seemed to be just fine. I hit my milestones and did my best but internally I've always struggled but I just got on with it because I thought this was everyone's experience of life.
I got married and had a child and managed to sustain a long (and mostly happy) marriage. I didn't see that my child was autistic because her "normal" was also my "normal" . She was diagnosed aged 40 and I was diagnosed aged 62.
Recently we had a conversation about parents not wanting to put a "label" on their kids. Back in the 1960s and 1970s the information just wasn't available. If I found out that my parents had had an inkling that I'm autistic and chose not to investigate that I would be so incredibly angry with them.
I'm going through a mourning period right now as I mourn who I should have been if only I'd known. I feel like my whole life has been a lie. Had I got my "label" when I was young and received appropriate help and accommodations how different my life could have been. Instead I've reached my 60s and I feel as though I'm a completely lame and useless person. Nobody wants that.
Being autistic isn't shameful.
It's just who we are and how we are.
My mom was informed by my teachers that I’m probably autistic. She denied that and refused having me tested. She has no idea what I went through because of lack of support. She is still in denial but I don’t care anymore. If she thinks I’m broken because of being autistic, it’s shame on her. I’m happy that now there is more awareness and parents care more about their children getting support.
Sorry to read you think I believe autism to be shameful. I certainly don’t. I would fully accept it if my son is. In fact I have suspected my daughter may be on the spectrum for some time and we are looking into this. For my son it just came as a real surprise, that’s all, and I’m wondering if as his mum I have missed the signs.