What is wrong with wanting to marry a man from a good family, with a good job and looks good too?

Please ignore that post, it is absolutely incorrect and please don't think all men think in the same way because believe me, we do not.

For me personally, and many other men and women, money is completely irrelevant. I am interested in a woman who is understanding and has a nice personality.

There's more to a relationship than wealth and looks...

Watch 80’s soap Dynasty - gay Steven and his mother Alexis Colby, ex-husband of Blake Carrington 

Remember Bisexual Steven in Dynasty? I was only a young gay teen when Dynasty came out in the 80’s and both Steven and his mother Alexis was my inspiration - at the time, I probably would have wanted a rich boyfriend at the start, even if that made me a gold-digger 

This sounds like an episode from 80’s soap Dynasty and I’m loving this delicious thread already, worthy of Alexis and Blake  

You're honest. I'll give you that. Of course very few of us are indifrent to the looks of our prospective romantic / sexual partners. It's natural to have prefrences. Of course not everyones prefrences are the same. There are women into older guys, not just because they are assumed to be rich, but because they seem stately. There are girls into short guys. There are girls into extreemly adrogynus effeminate looking men. Human taste in partners is diverse and women are no exception.

Now if your ambition is to be a stay at home wife and mother then marrying a guy who's job can suport a familly on its own is highly attractive. Suporting kids and running a house on one persons minimum wage job involves a lot of hungry bellies and canceled christmases. And that's with the goverment hand outs which in this political climet don't feel so secure.

For a woman not intrested in kids who wants to work herself a husband with a creative career that makes him happy (but not rich) might be more attractive.

That said you can have a rich handsome husband and be miserable as sin because his personality is rottern. This is the issue with the way people date. People talk about looking for red flags but the reality is they have a much longer list of 'green flags.' Atributes their potential match must have otherwise they are not intrested. And the reality is most peoples list of green flags is so extensive there are very few candidates left with the right green flags who don't have lots of red flags too. In fact in many ways the people with green flags are more likely to have lots of red flags because there experence of life has been they can get away with more than others do.

The reality is in desperation most people are more willing to compromise on red flags than green flags. They ignore them, or tell themselves that the other person can change, that they can 'fix' them.

The reality is often the other way around. Poor men can become rich more easily then crule men can become kind. The thing is people often pay lip service to this idea then go and chase the people with red flags themselves. There irony is the very people critacising you are probably doing what you said you wanted to do, prioratise looks, wealth etc over personality etc. They are just finding ways to rationalise it so they don't have to admit to themselves and others that's what they are doing.

I mean think about it mathermaticly. If your guy has to be of above average hight? Well you just chopped your dating pool in half. Above average wealth? Now its a quater of what it was. And you're chasing the same quater a lot of other women are. What about age? Does he have to be around the same age as you? Your dating pool just shrank a lot there. you start adding personality and common interests on top of that things get small really really quickly. And then if you have prefrences for things like hair colour / face type, the number of guys in your city you can date is probably a number you can count on your fingers.

its likely always gonna be that way for most of us here anyway.
if we make it that far, i reckon a high suicide rate for us peaks once we lose our parents and thus the only close loving social connection wed ever have had on this planet.

Well, I've blundered into the occasional maelstrom of critique and unjustified accusations, partly through my own poor choice of words, but maybe I've got a bit better with more practice here...  

I Sperg said:

I'm not good with my phrasing, I'll admit.

I don't know about that....your comments above seem pretty coherent (and correct) to me, fwiw.

The more parameters one attaches to a "mate specification" the smaller the pool of potential mates becomes even before you get to the "can we stand each others company for long periods?" bit.

I've seen some proofs of this both on the internet and also walking about in real life...

I literally have none of the required characteristics, but I have not lived alone since I reduced my own parameters to a more realsitic level of expection in my late twenties. 

This suggests to me that your combination of characteristics actually exposes you to savage competion, for a very small pool of men, and I posit is the "lottery ticket" approach rather than the "put in the work" approach to courtship.

I'm not good with my phrasing, I'll admit.

A said:

I have known some very vain people who spend everything they have and borrow to the max to portray a wealthy appearance.

I think they call it leveraging - something very common amongst this group of "elites" where they find ways to risk other peoples money if it goes wrong but keep the profits it if goes well.

Trump is a classic case of this in his business dealings.

My subjective experiences of such people is that it’s worth questioning if they are actually wealthy. I have known some very vain people who spend everything they have and borrow to the max to portray a wealthy appearance.

But they’re not rich at all, just vain and financially foolish.

Caelus said:

manage finance and easily see to a early retirement.... with a partner... goes for any side... with a partner, the partner will ruin your financial plans and make it impossible to save, impossible to retire

This may well be true but, speaking for myself, retirement alone is terrifying. Nobody will even know I exist. Nobody will be there to look after me when I need it. Nobody to spend those “golden years” with.

Financially I am absolutely set for retirement but I feel like life has been a big joke at my expense - work and save to achieve a fate I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

3- kinda makes sense.... you have 2 choice of partner.... poor guy that cant give you a life or rich guy that makes it so you never need to work and can have holidays every week and go on fancy yachts..... which do you pick? lol which life do you pick, a life of poverty or a life of luxury holidays? ...seems a easy choice and a easy reason why women pick old ugly rich guys. but yeah if the old ugly rich guy had sense hed reject them as hed know they dont like him they like his lifestyle he can offer.

and more on marriage, i think its outdated and unfair and one sided... a toxic sexist legal contract that favours one side more for their gender and punishes the other... id say marriages need to be banned from the world entirely or have their legal financial tie power be disabled.

TheCatWoman said:

I dont' get why wome are supposed to be attracted to rich men, most of them seem old and ugly?

There are 2 schools of thought around this:

1 - the women want easy access to the money and are willing to trade their affections in order to get it irrespective of how ugly the guy is. Some will put up with it long enough to "earn" a payout in the form of divorce, separate life etc (look at Melania Trump for a classic case).

2 - the women are attracted to the power that the wealth brings.

There may be an arguement that some of these rich but unpleasent men are actually nice underneath the vile surface and these women can see through the facade, but my bets are the majority are in the first category.

i think its more a case of not wanting a burden or opportunist that would run off with their money in a mans case. such as how marriage is often seen as a one sided contract that destroys men financially and is used to rob men legally and make them powerless to stop it.

on your own you can easily manage finance and easily see to a early retirement.... with a partner... goes for any side... with a partner, the partner will ruin your financial plans and make it impossible to save, impossible to retire, impossible to see your financial sense and way of not spending in order to have that retirement. i see alot of people in the world are financially irresponsible and lacking financial common sense, so to me its all downsides and loss and economically impossible to have a partner of any kind as theyd just waste my money and sink the entire ship and make it impossible to retire. thats why personally for me if i get a partner id want them seperated from my finances and to be financially stable themselves and having their own sense their own home their own job and on track for early retirement themselves. in order so that their sinking ship doesnt also sink my ship which is currently stable and on course for early retirement perfectly fine by itself.

so finances comes in to it on both sides whether your male or female, or whether you want a make partner or female partner... you dont want a person that will sink you financially and ruin your life.

I don't have money either and I don't want anyone interested.

I dont' get why wome are supposed to be attracted to rich men, most of them seem old and ugly? Does it work the other way around are poor men attracted to rich women?

It doesn't matter what other people think or say. It's your life and you love who you love. It's your decision and you need to follow your heart.

I'm really hoping I'll have a BF in the future but it's not happening yet I get so anxious round people I think it makes me socially awkward and people just avoid.

I must be the exception that proves the rule. I have money but nobody’s interested.

perfectly fine logic, rich people often get girls all around them chasing their wealth... looks though i dont think matters as you get alot of old or ugly rich people getting all the young girls.... girls only like money, thats what they go for. looks and age doesnt matter so much as money.

but this makes rich people stupid though. because why would you want a girl that only sees your wealth? it will be a terrible social structure and not a real relationship, the girl would be more like a enemy in my eyes rather than a friend or relationship... lower than basic acquaintance in my eyes if all they see in you is money.