Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi.
I'm getting married in June and I think the anxiety is going to kill me. I suffer from horrific anxiety and it's causing me so much grief. I get physical pain from it and have been hospitalised twice because of the pain, really embarrassing but the doctors and nurses are always more than understanding. The wedding will be full of family, probably really loud. I'm terrified. My partner is so understanding. He's already offered to push the date back until I'm ready but I think this will always be a problem for me!
If you've been married how did you cope and get through the wedding? My brain is all over the place, so many thoughts and worries all the time. I only got 3hrs sleep last night and I've got work tomorrow. *sobs*
I'm worried about my dress as well. I've gone for a vintage one as I thought it looks gorgeous and it was cheaper than a lot of others I looked at. I'm worried my mum will disapprove of this.
So many worries, so much stress. I wish I could hibernate and forget life for a while.
Something that I feel is worth remembering is that as this will be YOUR wedding (yours and your partner's), it shouldn't really matter what anyone else (including your mother) thinks of your wedding dress, or anything else. Whilst I can understand you possibly wanting your mother's approval, she's not the one who will be wearing the wedding dress. As long as you like it and feel amazing in it, that's all that really matters.
With weddings, I think it is all too easy for family members and friends to interfere and dictate. It's your wedding, so it should be you and your partner who get to make all the decisions about it.
I'm the exact same, no doubts about marrying him and our future together, we're the perfect couple a match made in heaven but the anxiety is over the day in question.
I really want to put it off and then I could worry about it later but I know if I do that I'll just keep putting it off.
It's got to be the date chosen but I'm terrified. I think I'll be like you, be happy after but not enjoy the day.
Anxiety meds is a good shout. I was on them ages ago but how I am now is likely a good sign that I need them again. Such a shame but if it helps then that's all that matters.
Both sides of the family have been politely interfering and putting on pressure where it really isn't needed.
Luckily it will be at a lovely old hotel so I can at least sneak away if I need to. I've already said about doing this and Matthew (husband to be) is more than understanding of that thankfully xx
Your dress sounded absolutely lovely! I wish I was having a black dress now :) I normally do wear older more vintage style clothes, I love the older fashion, it was so cool IMHO.
I really wish we were having your kind of wedding. Mine is going to be quite traditional with the vows but that's added pressure I don't want. I hope think your special day was very special and you both enjoyed it. The day and people is what is important.
Great idea on trying the dress with my mum. She'll appreciate that and I'm hoping she will approve when she's seen it.
Another member suggested anxiety meds so that can only help!
I just... didn't have a proper wedding! My partner and I had a civil partnership ceremony because then I wouldn't have to worry about things like vows, and we only had our mums there as witnesses, no other guests. This was in 2020 so we didn't celebrate with anyone else for a whole year afterwards, and when we did, it was only 25 people who were very close to us.
At the time I didn't have an autism diagnosis, but I had been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder, and that was the reason I gave for doing things this way. I told everyone there was no way I was going to go through a big white wedding, though to be fair, I'd always said as much and my partner didn't want that either, so there was less pressure to do things a certain way.
I ended up wearing a reproduction 50s-style dress in black for the ceremony. I think my mum would have liked to see me in a white wedding dress but she did agree that it was my day and so I should look and feel like myself. You could always try on yours for your mum ahead of the wedding, as she might be more positive about it when she sees you wearing it.
It's supposed to be your day! Why would you allow it to be ruined by it being too loud? I hate discos so I had a ceilidh at mine. Your dress sounds lovely, wear it with aplomb and confidence - it's not your Mum who is marrying you so her opinion is not the most important one! If you can't keep the guest list down then at least try to ensure you have a venue where there is a quiet place you can sneak off to for a rest and a break whenever you need to. I didn't have this but it would have been a good idea. Can you ask your GP for some anxiety meds just to hep you through it? It's probably better to get it over with rather than putting it off. Although eloping must seem a tempting option at this point!
I can relate to this. I put off my wedding for over a year, I had no doubts about marrying my wife, I knew almost as soon as I met her, but I just couldn't face a wedding. It is all our social anxieties turned into one big event.
I don't suppose you and your fiancee could just elope together and get married in a registery office without anyone else there? that would be good but guessing from your post it's not an option
Try and keep the guest list as small as possible. Ours was only 16 and that helped a bitFailing that, just remember once that one day is over you will be married to the person you love and you will never have to go through another wedding day again, it will be all over.
I didnt particularly enjoy my wedding day, I dont have a lot of happy memories from it but I got through it and I love my marraige. It may be the same for you