I feel like an alien

I understand what that's like.

At school as a child and now as an adult I isolate myself because I don't know how to act around people. They are so different to me I just can't explain how the complexity of it all affects me. It's better for me stay away isolated rather than try and make an idiot of myself, you know, because otherwise it's too much pressure and anxiety. The last thing I want is a meltdown. Isolation helps but it leads to loneliness and has likely contributed to some of my MH problems. I am partially deaf and have a medical badge identifying this and it does alleviate some of the anxiety and makes me feel less bad about not talking to people, you know.

That sounds so much like me and reminds me of how I was when in the workplace.

I no longer work but when I did I used to get so anxious about work social events. I couldn't understand why my colleagues seem to talk endlessly about them and why they actually seemed to look forward to them. I dreaded going, just overhearing their conversations would result in surging anxiety for me. I forced myself to go, as back then I didn't know I was autistic and I thought they would get easier the more I went to. I was wrong and they didn't get any easier. My colleagues would also talk endlessly about the event for days and weeks afterwards, while I just wanted to forget everything about that unpleasant experience. Looking back I wish I hadn't forced myself to go.

The changes arising from a new job and meeting new people are likely to be extremely overwhelming, even beyond your first day. It used to take me months to process the change and adapt to a new workplace environment. Trying to cope with an evening social event on top of a new environment would be far too much. Can you decline the evening invitation? Continually trying to push yourself beyond your limits can only end badly.

or alien prison planet, some advanced alien species decignated our planet to be a prison for those considered beyond any hope for redemption, under no circumstances to be allowed to spread on other planets, because of being to dangerous to other intelligent lifeforms

because we did not develop a hive mind, they didn't consider us conscious in a first place (idea from Ender's Game)

so they sentenced allistic for eternity here, and now we are stuck together forever

Aliens on the wrong planet...

or is it more we are natives on the right planet, but pesky aliens have taken over... 

Something to think about on a fine sunny sunday 

Hi! I can relate to this - I've referred to myself as an alien for most of my life, long before I knew I was autistic. It sounds like a difficult situation with the neighbour- I always find it hardest when the other person means well but I cannot cope with it / feel overwhelmed. It would be sad if this stopped you from going outside though. I presume you do not know her very well so explaining to her about your autism might be a bit too much? But maybe you can prepare a few words you can say to explain that you don't have time to talk today? I'm sure she understands that people don't always have time to talk and that could give you a polite way out of having to make conversation- maybe that could help? 

For me the easiest way to cope with feeling like an alien has been to surround myself with other aliens that I connect to - ie find people with shared interests etc that you connect to. It can be so hard to find such people though. 

I also feel sad about finding social situations so difficult, especially when it should be something nice- for example recently my colleagues from work organised a surprise birthday party for me which was super kind but I couldn't cope and it took me over a week to recover. I really like some of my colleagues at work but I still cannot bring myself to sit down with them as a group and have lunch with them or even just sit with them (I tried but it is too much for me). I worry they think that I don't like them or don't want to spend time with them which isn't the case- I did explain to one of them eventually about the autism and why I find it so difficult to join- but I don't feel comfortable sharing that information with people that I do not know well- I need to trust someone to tell them about me being autistic. 

I am now moving on to a new workplace and for the first day they have organised a dinner and drinks out together after work which is causing me massive anxiety as I cannot cope and will be overwhelmed already from meeting so many new people for my first day- it makes me feel weird as it is a very nice gesture to want to welcome me but I don't know how to cope. I'm sorry, I don't think I can help much, I just want you to know that you are not alone! 

I tell my friends that I can't talk about something after conversation started because it makes me to emotional and I can't think logically so there is no point in having that conversation in a first place,

I tell them send me those questions on whatup and I'll answer them later with a calm mind

One of my neighbours doesn't say much, so if I am going out for a walk I just say hello and keep going. With those who want to talk a lot I find it hard to know what to say to get away. Maybe you could use your dog as an excuse.

If it makes you feel awkward, just wondering if it would help if you put a card through their letterbox to explain that you find conversation difficult, so they understand if you just say hello.

I communicate quite often by writing things down as it gives me time to think what I am going to say.

Next time you step outside wear visible ear defenders or over ear headphones. Then your neighbour will assume you can't hear her and hopefully soon give up. 

I too hate it when something like that happens. I tend to just smile and nod, a problem if what they decide to talk about is not appropriate to smiling and nodding. If I do try to reply usually only one word comes out and often it isn't even the word I meant to say. I desperately want to escape but do not know how to politely.

I had one neighbour (years ago) who used to pop her head over the fence and try and talk to me whenever she saw me in my garden. I considered it an intrusion, because I was in my own personal space in my garden, and it made me even more anxious about stepping outside. 

Thankfully that neighbour moved and the others stopped trying to speak to me years ago. I suspect I am now considered very strange by them and treated as such.

I reckon it would do you good to read something about being autistic that's not of medical society's origin, 

autcollab.org/.../

Feel like an alien!

Welcome to the club

I would info damp on that neighbour everything about you being autistic and really bad with people, and can't do small talk, and see what happens,

and if you have speech recognition issue as well than that as well, it's to far to balcony to have meaningful conversation

I reckon that neighbour is just lonely, and using oportunity for a company, the way allistic do

and some of them are nosy, the way alllistic do, there is usually at least one in an area like that

that 'naturally' became a lot easier for me once I stopped trying, from the moment I stopped being interested in an outcome of random encounter,

it helps if you have a phone in your hand, you can pretend to play a game and go back to it after 10sec silence

Here is an example of the only conversation I had with one of my neighbours:

Her: Hello

Me: Hello

Her: Settling in OK?

Me: Yes

Her: Not seen much of you.

Me: No

*Pause of about 10 seconds*

Me: Goodbye

I felt terrible about that. They must think I am unfriendly or very weird. The neighbour on the other side told me he got on very well with the previous people here and were always helping each other out. I feel like he must be very disappointed to have me as a neighbour.

I'm the same. I moved to a new house. I really wanted to try to make an effort with my neighbours but I spoke to both neighbours once only, and the conversation was awkward and I felt like an alien.

I can't do small talk. Afterwards I can usually think of things I should have said, but in the moment my mind is blank and I'm concentrating on a million little details, such as where my hands are, what the position of my facial muscles is, trying to detect hidden meanings or subtext that I might have missed, etc.

I am stuck in my head trying to think of what I'm supposed to say, but always second guess myself and end up saying nothing out of fear/shame. Too many bad experiences in my past which make me always think I'm going to say something wrong.

I wish talking to people could just feel natural and not like a stressful cognitive task full of pitfalls and traps.

Best thing is to go out without worrying about speaking and then you might be able to say things more easily, but also ready yourself before you go out that she might be there so not startled, plus try and prepare things to say, about the weather, your dog, little jokes can help.  You might not manage much more but be OK with that, autistic people can't always find the words, there is also social anxiety which can affect people which is a fear of being judged for how we speak or what we say, you might want to work out if you have thoughts about what people might think of you. 

You can try acting like them but if you have difficulty finding the words to keep conversations going it gets awkward, though you can always then just say you have to go, best to slink off before it gets embarrassing.

Work on feeling OK as you are, and that you want to work on it, as that will reduce anxiety and make it easer, whereas worrying and avoiding increase anxiety and make life more difficult.