Published on 12, July, 2020
I just moved into new apartments and I have a neighbor who lives above me. Everytime I walk out my back door to take my dog out, she's on her patio and just starts talking to me. I hate being autistic because I think she's trying to be nice, but It just startles and overwhelms the crap out of me. Now I just have an another reason to stay inside. I wish I could make friends "naturally" but it's feels forced and overwhelming. I wish I knew how to act like them
I understand what that's like.
At school as a child and now as an adult I isolate myself because I don't know how to act around people. They are so different to me I just can't explain how the complexity of it all affects me. It's better for me stay away isolated rather than try and make an idiot of myself, you know, because otherwise it's too much pressure and anxiety. The last thing I want is a meltdown. Isolation helps but it leads to loneliness and has likely contributed to some of my MH problems. I am partially deaf and have a medical badge identifying this and it does alleviate some of the anxiety and makes me feel less bad about not talking to people, you know.