What job to you want most

Yes, mine has been a very meandering path too.  And I did feel drawn to librarianship on various occasions, but was reluctant to retrain because I had all of these instilled beliefs about where I should be by a particular age and, like yourself, comparing it to others.  Again, I think much of this came from the kind of education I had - the need to get 10/10 all the time was often in there, in one way or another.  I just couldn't figure out how to do it in a work environment.  It was as if the tables had turned, there was no certainty any more and all of this additional stuff about being a "dynamic self starter with strong leadership qualities and the need to be challenged" crept in.  I rapidly burnt out trying to get 10/10 in those areas.  Being the systems accountant in a large organisation was a particular low point. 

Upon reflection, I should have just stuck with being me, gone much further with art and English, and maybe incorporated a bit of gardening too.  I would have had to give up on getting 10/10 though and, to this day, that's still in me.  I wonder why, when I know that that adult version of this game actually destroys me.  

I wish I could talk to my former self and tell her the "secrets" I now know.  But at least we know now.  I say that because I really think that some people never do. 

Thanks for sharing that in such a beautifully written way. Much of that resonates very strongly with me. That feeling of 'how do they know?', 'when will all this become clearer?', 'what happens if I don't get the calling to a specific career?' was always in me right through secondary school, and even into university - I did a degree un English and definitely didn't want to teach! 

I think I may have ended up in libraries for one simple reason: it was the most calming and appealing environment I remembered being in as a child. And after a disastrous attempt to do an IT qualification at around the time of the dotcom bubble taking off (1999/2000) and realising I hated it and found programming impossible to get to grips with (thank god, in hindsight), and working in a bookshop for some time afterwards while I worked out what to do, I just realised that I should seek out the environment that I could make most sense of - one that wasn't about having to know one specialism so much as getting to facilitate connecting other people to materials related to theirs. Looking back, the path there looked straighter than the crazy paving drifting it felt like at the time. There was a strong throughline of finding my way into book-centred environments (in retail to start with), and the maintaining of ordered stock, cataloguing, ordering, record checking etc. 

I also realised that I'm someone who needs to work in a reactive role, with clearly defined parameters and procedures. Apart from the odd suggestion of a small refinement here and there, I'm not one of life's innovators or blue-skies thinkers, people/budget managers, or even teaching-planners. Those higher grade responsibilities that exist too within my own profession still look to me like a strange alchemy that other adult minds can somehow instinctively get to grips with and that I know would burn me out fast if I ever got myself into the unwelcome challenge of such a post. And yet a while ago I got into a real state (a breakdown really) about status anxiety - making all sorts of detailed percentage calculations about what colleagues had done, how quickly they'd moved to other positions etc.While not unique, I was in a minority of a staedy few staying in one post, favouring one specific remit long-term. And now I realise that I'm literally not wired to be like the majority anyway, which helps a lot. I'm lucky to have a gig that fits me perfectly, and I'd be mad to give it up just to be seen to do the most ultra-orthodox things and end up miserable and on course for total overwhelm. 

I can only be me. Anyway, it was very consoling to read your words JennyButterfly, good to know that I wasn't the only one at a total loss as to the 'I'm going to be...' secret everyone else seemed to be in on.

Ah, I'm not sure whether I ever had any thoughts of that "one job".  In fact I felt confused and afraid of the adult world, and especially of work, because it seemed to be another of those things that other people seemed to have special knowledge of, and I felt as though I stood outside all of this. Other kids would say, "I want to be a vet" or "I'm going to be an architect" but I'd wonder how they knew.  I don't know whether they really did.  And, for example, it later turned out that the girl who wanted to be a vet had simply enjoyed watching "All Creatures Great and Small" but never managed to excel in the subjects needed for training in that field.  

Looking back, my anxieties grew the older I got because, although education purported to be a preparation, I just didn't see how the richness of a wide and varied curriculum with clear academic targets could prepare us for just doing one job all day long, how I'd actually get the job, how I'd get there and how I'd get along with other employees.  Moreover, I had little knowledge of how those jobs might look, and which of my strengths would match up.  I was good at art and English - but with the latter it was literature, poetry and creative writing rather than essays, letters and reports, and with the former I couldn't see a way of making a living at it.  I ended up just dong the conventional thing and, rather than seeking a job a really wanted, taking what I could get.  

So I spent a long long time working in finance, with increasing levels of dissatisfaction and alienation, before eventually retraining as a counsellor and bringing elements of art and writing into my therapeutic approach.  I don't think counselling was mentioned as an option at school, nor did I know of any counsellors until my own life was going very wrong and I needed help.  

My dream job though?  Surrealist artist.  I might incorporate some of this into my retirement.  :)     

Congrats. I tried to become one 20 years ago in Poland, but at that point of my life I had a very feeble body, and failed physical tests. LOL 

Well today I had the final part of the recruitment process, and I passed so it looks like I am going to be a Police Officer 

Since the age of about 6 or 7 I've wanted to be a writer, like a sports writer. Its been my dream my whole life. Ive had a few bits published and manage to do it part time now but not enough to earn a living.

My dream would be to give up teaching and be a full time sports writer 

The one I’m already in. I’m lucky to have found something fairly niche within just the right environment for me- a library. And it’s at just the right level of responsibility to keep it stress free enough that I roll along with tasks even on a bad day when my head’s full of anxious rumination. 

but you said sorry, so you will have to listen my joke about sorry people, it's a compulsion, 

Why are you sorry? I do not see you doing anything wrong. So, have you got a guilty conscience then? Yes? No? Definitely you took me for someone else. You need to find yourself a priest and confess. I am not autorised to give you absolution.

Guess, how non-autistic look like now. :D TFBR

don't worry, distinction is visible only to those with qualifications

btw, my ex had BA in Digital Media Design, and despite few month of experience on her CV she couldn't get a paid job because her work was not ''corporate'' enough,

remember in your area of expertise you must think about who is going to buy your creations as well and adjust, do one for yourself and one ''corporate'' to sell to them

Ahh okay, sorry I didn't know. 

I am an animator. Mainly 2D but I have done a little 3D work for various companies. If I can help.. let me know

Top Heavy Ken said:

credit control?

it's stalking people, to make them pay their debts, the worst imagined job in accountancy

like DevOps in IT, nothing more nightmarish for an autistic

but I'm trying those too, no luck

You could hunt down animators you like on linkedin and send a message about a mentorship if you could pay a little. Many of these might be able to send you in the right direction if they can't help immediately or suggest resources to start. 

Could that get you a career in credit control? I know my ex partner had AAT qualifications - she works in Credit control

only AAT lvl4 Diploma in Accountancy in UK

What do you have qualifications in Mariuz?

Hi Summer, don’t give up on your dream of being a nurse. My wife was 35 when she went back to college and did an access course as she had no qualifications. She got her required O levels and then went on to train. She as far as I know isn’t autistic but has always suffered from massive anxiety, she is medicated including beta blockers, they do help but obviously only take the edges off of it. She spent about 10 years in gastric endoscopy and for the last year has been a district nurse, she loves the work. Never give up on a dream.

I was told there isn't a drop on an artisit in me and that I shouldn't do it because it offends those sensitive.

it turns out I'm the sensitive one, and I can create. I found out thanks to my artist (poemwriter) friend I met last year, he inpired me

but for real I wanted to be an astronaut, and sail away from people, and I still do

Blue said:

4 month traineeship

it'll be more than what I have - exactly zero experience, it's either over or under qualified or no experience preventing me from getting a job

I'd like to be Father Christmas.

Everybody likes him, and is glad to see him, and he only has to work one day a year.