A complaint free world

I think most people would manage about ten minutes in real life. People on a forum would manage about ten seconds. People on an autistic forum may not make it past 10 milliseconds.

Thanks DC, always appreciated.

I’ve learned a lot from the recent confusions. I spent a few days doing some inner work (Byron Katie’s ‘the work’ and ‘radical forgiveness’ work sheets as well as some other stuff) and I take full responsibility for the recent confusions and can now see the root cause to them all. And there is never an excuse for the horrible things that I wrote, that is always unacceptable. 

I will attempt to be clearer in the future. I guess I just expected (assumed - number 3!) people who have read the book would comment on this thread and for those who haven’t, I thought they will either not be interested (and therefore not comment) or they will be curious and ask questions.

It didn’t occur to me that somebody would comment on the book without having read it! Lol! I was totally taken aback and confused by the comments and it took me a little while to work out what was going on. I don’t process things so quickly although I can still be quick to respond ~ lesson learned there ~ hopefully! 

So yeah, I was just totally taken aback. I thought it was a really positive thread. I thought people will be interested or they won’t, either way is good, so the  comments totally took me by surprise. It was as if I had been hit by a bus or something or I had had the rug pulled from under me ~ I’m not very good at using these quote type things but I think they express how suprised I was.

However, I am the cause of everything that comes into my life so I really do take 100% responsibility and I do genuinely thank all who participated in the discussion (even though it turned out to be more like a rugby scrum). I feel genuine gratitude for all who took part and I intend to be clearer in future from the off as I think we’ve had enough rugby scrums. 

in terms of the book, they make a distinction between complaining and demanding quality of service etc. Which is what caused the confusion on this thread.

This is Good, and was partly what I was going to write in my first Reply here, yet then what I said happened (Posting incompletely), and I had to finish by asking for only one thing, and so Thank You for that Link, Madame. I saw many including this one, which was why I asked for an old-fashioned "ISBN"...!

For this Thread... well, the "dislikes" are still there, I cannot do much more about it, Sorry. No-one who is a Regular User deserves that much, I say. Disagreeing with a Post should be stated precisely or just left alone...

...Which is back to what I quoted, there. The Main Topic. The using of a "Complaints" procedure in order to "Request" instead...? Not stated at first, yet stated very much now... Yet it required all of what is upon this Thread and your own persistence in order to clarify that... Which is why I offer support at you... and also admit that I would not myself have done this in this way...

...Yet my own way is for another direction altogether little to do with this Thread & Forum.    Keep on being You, Miss BlueyRay, and Good Fortune to you from myself, again. 

I was the same for many years. Several doctors, nurses and a psychiatrist agreed as well that the booze and the drugs were giving me more help than they could and it was way less harmful in so many ways than the help they could provide. They actively encouraged me and kept me out of services, which in their eyes at the time, was the best option for me ~ I didn’t know what the impact ‘being in services’ meant  at that time, but I trusted them and they turned out to be right. 

My friend was just saying, a couple of days ago, how she never identified with people in the rooms (AA/NA) when they spoke about how terrible their lives were when they were drinking and taking drugs, because we had a great time. And even when we weren’t having a great time, the drink and drugs consoled us and supported us. 

I still love heroin to this day and I’ll always be grateful to it. But I found that same level of freedom and peace by other methods and heroin is too good for me to only take now and again, so I simply live with fond memories and gratitude for it. 

I have family members and friends who still use alcohol and drugs and I support them. I didn’t get clean because I thought drugs and alcohol were or are bad or that I shouldn’t use them, but because I wanted to do different things with my life. When my son got to 18 I decided I would start travelling and live a nomadic life which called for me to stop using the drugs and alcohol but I agree completely, it is absolutely the best thing for some of us sometimes and for some of us, all of our lives. Robbing chemists was the best because then we got the pure stuff that the doctors like to keep from us but that got more difficult with the new ways drugs were being stored etc. I have fond memories of those days and I wouldn’t say life was any easier or better or worse now, it’s just different, although with much less drama! Lol! 

Most of my closest relationships are with people that some call alcoholics or drug addicts. To me they’re just my friends and they’re not those things. They are way more than that. The drugs and alcohol are simply their chosen method of being in the world which, for them, is better than the other alternatives they currently have at their disposal. 

I stopped to help a man the other day who looked like he was in distress. My friend who was in the car with me didn’t want me to stop. He said this person could stab me! I said he can barely stand up, I doubt he had it in him to attempt to stab me. 

I’m so glad I stopped because it was one of my good friends. He was simply out of his head on drugs and booze but he was ok and we had a good catch up and we went on our ways. It was lovely to see him. 

I agree, booze is helpful to a lot of people. Like anything, it’s not good for everybody and for those who need help to get off it, it’s there but there is currently less support for  people who don’t want to get off it (although it’s there) and nobody has the right to judge or condemn a person for their choices. We’re all just doing our best in the way that works best for us. 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Four-Agreements-Practical-Personal-Freedom/dp/1878424319

I’m not a hugger or a kisser DC although I do sometimes put some kisses and send virtual hugs (occasionally) ~ but neither are my thing .......... however, I went to a small concert thing last night with my friend, to see her favourite band (she loves music and loves this guy) and to my surprise and delight, I had a big hug from the lead singer and I truly enjoyed it. It sparked something in me. He’s very deep this guy, he writes great songs (apparently) and music, he has got a great voice and he’s also got a strong group of loyal fans who really love him. I just went along because it meant so much to my friend, she wouldn’t go alone and none of her friends would go with her but talking to and observing the people who went to see him, was truly heart warming. They were a very varied bunch to look at from the outside, but it was clear they all had a very strong connection to this guy. His words had touched their soul and helped them in some way. 

It was astonishing and beautiful to watch. It made me realise why the hug was so nice. This happened at the beginning, at the meet and greet, when I didn’t have the full picture of him, so it was interesting to me at that point, as to why I enjoyed the hug so much.

Soooooooooooooo, short story long, lol (as always with me), I realised that I do like hugging when it is from somebody who is vibrating at my level. Meaning, of course. There are others like me out there and it is those I will form closer bonds with and when it happens like that, quiet naturally, I will like it. This man is married, so it wasn’t anything like that, but it made me realise that yes, of course there are people out there like me and if I do away with the idea of being different, it will open the path for us to meet, if that is going to be something that happens in my life. I’m not saying that’s a goal, but that I no longer have any resistance to it. 

Now, lol, I’ll go and get you the link for the book :-) 

Lol thanks Trainspotter ~ that made me giggle ~ ‘NAFOFF’ ~  that’s a good one to remember. And to remember as well that bluntness is not always the most effective form of communication!

Thank you for your understanding. I’ve done some inner work around it but I appreciate as well that part of it, is simply being autistic. Not as an excuse, but as a way to learn from it and intend to do better next time :-) 

But we do our best and we’re learning as we go. This little heated discussion has taught me a lot. I’m just wondering now what it would be like with us all in one room! Lol! Like the suggestion of us having a full on aspie meet up/Christmas together. I’m not so sure it would be such a good idea  maybe we need to learn to get on a bit better on here first :-) Have a great week. 

Yeah. When we have the belief of seperation, which I did, due to my autism, we will experience seperation in our outer experience. 

I also have something extra. I see the world differently to most people, autistic or not. As one of my counsellors said, I live on a different plane to everybody else. This puts me in a very small minority of people in the world. 

Becauase of my autism, I didn’t realise that. When my counsellor first told me I was spiritual, I didn’t have a clue what she meant. I don’t think I had even heard that word before in my life. 

But I found out, over the years, that the way I think is called ‘spiritual’ but it’s not to me, it’s just the way I think, see and experience the world. 

Realising all the spiritual stuff, didn’t solve my dilemma. There was still something about me I couldn’t put my finger on. 

When I realised it was autism, it explained everything. I have since learned that I speak the unspoken language of autistic people, but I still see, feel and experience the world differently to most autistic people as well. 

However, I no longer have the belief in seperation. I used to think I didn’t belong on this planet. I was unlike any other human I had ever met and people tell me all the time, that I am unlike anybody they have ever met. I thought there’s no other explanation, I must be from another planet. So I therefore felt seperate from everyone, in the physical sense, but in my world, I’m connected to everyone and everything. I’m in a relationship with everyone and everything around me, we’re joined as one. We are like the waves but like the wave can never be separated from the ocean, we can’t be separated from each other. 

So the seperation was physical which automatically separated me from my body. Once I realised I was autistic, it gave me an immediate place on this earth. I thought I’m not separated from people, I’m not an alien living in a body that is not me, I’m a human being who is autistic and lives life on a different dimension. I’m not alone in either of these things. There are other autistic people and there are other people who experience the world like I do. I’m also a human being and there are definitely a lot of those around. So I’m no longer seperate. I no longer have the belief in seperation. 

That is now being reflected in my outer experience, which most people see as life, and I have so much support right now, I’m having to learn how to manage it all while respecting my autistic traits etc. So it’s a bit of trial and error and learn as I go but I no longer have the belief in seperation. After 51 years of having an eating disorder (which I didn’t know was a disorder) I’ve also sorted that out. I learned about it from this site and immediately resolved it. I have over 30 years experience in the field of nutrition and good health so I knew what to do from past experience but I’m amazed at how quickly it was resolved after I found out what it was. And the ultimate root cause of it was my belief in separation, I felt seperate from my body.

People in the public eye don’t have any power, but the media does.  If you were in the public eye, you would have the perceived power of maybe influencing a good cause, for example, but the power is in the media. It is their power to control, educate, lead, guide, to tell you what to spend your money on etc. The power isn’t with the actor. He or she is just like you and me, no different. 

The Christian church had a desire for power, control and wealth, which they achieved, for a good length of time. They told people they were sinners, sold them something they called ‘hope’ which basically meant, give your power away to us and we’ll give you a false promise of some great life after you’re dead. They got rich from the money given to them in exchange for the hope. They became the biggest landowners in the world, I believe and they certainly had a lot of power and control.  But their power and control is false. It’s built on sand because it isn’t built on truth. So it was never going to last. Like the great empires before them, if they’re not based on truth and unconditional love for all, then they are based on some human desire for power or control or greed or whatever, it doesn’t really matter. 

Yes, the churches were successful for a while, they probably exceeded their aims, but like the other great empires, they were always going to fall. It happens like that according to the impersonal natural laws of this universe. 

Hi Robert, in terms of the book, they make a distinction between complaining and demanding quality of service etc. Which is what caused the confusion on this thread.

The book actively encourages speaking up when something is below standard etc or if we weren’t given what we paid for etc. That’s a very positive thing.

What it means by complaining would be if you accepted that they didn’t give you the fish and then you went and complained about it, to a friend or somebody who is not in a position to give you the fish.

The book says that kind of complaining (to the friend) is not good for you but letting the assistant know you haven’t got the fish is positive action, and is very good for you. 

So yes, definitely taking action by letting the assistant know you hadn’t received the fish is very good as she can then rectify it. 

I complain when necessary, it is good for the soul.

When I was young I was timid, afraid to stand up for myself, afraid of hurting other people's feelings.

The result is loss of self esteem, depression and mental illness.

Now I complain!

In shops when I'm short changed I complain straight away and get the money I deserve.

When there are price reductions or special 2 for 1 offers that don't come up at the till, I complain and get the queue to wait while they check offer on the shop floor.

Last week I complained in the fish & chip shop. The two assistants were so busy chatting and gossiping that she forgot to include the fish!!!!!!!  I was charged for the full fish&chips!!!! I complained and unwrapped the 'fish& chips' in front of them to show...   Where is the  fish?????

I didn't even notice there were vote up/down options, too simplistic for my liking, things are seldom so clear cut.

Personally I can't stand self help books, the few I attempted to read I found tedious and patronizing. I prefer to look for enlightenment in a bottle of booze rather than the inane psycho-babble of a self help book.

I am done typing, now.

Once again, I am very sorry for the unpleasant and downright ugly comments I made to people.

Greetings to any who Read. I Post here and leave it to stay, finally.

I have been here only Five Months (<>), and at last I see my own record of having "3 dislikes" broken. Never have I seen a Thread where all were so quick with the "dislike" button as with the "like" button... And so I shall admit that I have been voting *both* ways for many replies here. (Hint: I have never ever disliked anyone here. I know how it feels, thus I do not do it except versus obvious SPAMMING.)

To BlueRay... I was going to write something else here, but then my EReader slipped up and sent you a message incomplete - !!! This Internet/Forum is so annoying at times... yet, to an end, I meant to ask you to please Post the Exact Title and Author and ISBN concerning this "Book" to which is referred so very much. "The Four Agreements" as an Internet Search, Brings up a lot of Books with quite a few differing Authors and views/approaches to the same subject...

...Thank You Kindly. And do Please keep on being Strong and True. (Sorry I do not Post hugs or kisses, yet I do mean what I try to say sincerely anyway.)

I don't think you need to apologise.

Misunderstandings are often the cause of grief, and adding being autistic with its well known bluntness into the mix and sometimes things do get out of hand.

I know I upset people frequently with my candid offerings and although I try to curb them in this forum, sometimes I can't help myself.

I haven't read the book, but didn't realise this was the fundamental part of this topic,so I will try in future to "NAFOFF" ( Never Assume, Find Out Facts FirstFirst)

And on that note, I will leave this thread to others ...bur only this thread and topic!

I suppose part of it is born of my condition.  Always feeling like an outsider, never being able to get accepted, so ultimately not being a joiner in any way.  No church or political party membership.  I like to keep things fluid in that way.  I'm the same with rock stars and actors, and anyone else in the public eye.  I understand the power they have, and the way they can transform lives with what they do.  But I always feel a little uneasy when I see them being mobbed by huge numbers of fans and followers.  I suppose part of it is all tied in with the thing of Hitler at Nuremberg, and the way that people can be sucked along with something like that.  It was well satirised in 'Life of Brian'.  "Messiah!  Messiah!" All that stuff.  I suppose humans all have a basic need to feel a part of something like that.  It's powerful, of course.  And people take advantage of it - for good and bad.  David Koresh.  Donald Trump. Billy Graham.  L Ron Hubbard. Charles Manson. Or they impose it, like Stalin.  Part of me can't help thinking that it ties in with human weakness in some way.  But again, as long as it isn't preaching hate and harm.  Which Jesus Christ didn't do.  Christians have always corrupted his teachings to fit their own agenda, though, so that you have things like Christians for Guns in the US etc.

It’s great to have scepticism Bicycle, as the Buddha and other great teachers taught, never take anybody’s word for anything, always try things out for yourself.

These books etc, like that teachings of the great sages etc are merely pointers. Wisdom cannot be transferred from one person to another, it comes from within and there are some amazing tools that people can use these days  to help them meet with their inner wisdom and achieve peace of mind etc. 

Its great that there are now so many different ways to find freedom but yeah, people do take these books etc out of context and form cults, like the religion of Christianity and Buddhism etc. These things weren’t born from the great teachers but from people who made them into something they’re not. They’re just pointers for people to use or not. 

Thanks Ellie. I know not everybody (in fact hardly anybody lol) understands me but that doesn’t stop people like your good self from supporting me etc. You don’t need to understand everything I say but you know I have a good heart and we rub along quite nicely. I love your exquisite mind, quick wit and sense of humour underlined with a strong but loving heart. 

I love you loads and you have definitely been a rock for me since I came here  X

I've come across Will Bowen before.  I thought it seemed a familiar, motivational-type self-help schtick.  I'll be honest, but I'm always a little wary of these people who build up personality cults and make tons of dosh through devising these programs and telling us things that are actually pretty basic, and giving us gimmicks like wrist-bands.  Susan Cain of 'The Quiet Revolution' is another such.  But if it's ultimately a force for good rather than evil, then okay.  At least he's not Billy Graham, or some other such reactionary nut.  If it works for you, that's all that matters.  Here's an article that appeared a few years ago

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2007/dec/01/healthandwellbeing.features1

Hi BlueRay

your threads always start with the best of intentions... x

They are certainly organic things ...

Hello to everyone reading this 

Well, this post certainly turned ugly pretty quickly!

I apologise for that and I take full responsibility for it. I’m really grateful to all who made comments and contributed to the discussions, they were super helpful for me. I did some work around it all last night and was able to see how beneficial the comments were for me so I thank you all for your contributions, I very much appreciate them.

I apologise for the unkind and crazy things I said. I take full responsibility for them and I’m very sorry, I’m certainly not proud of some of the crazy things I said and I take them all back.

I realised also, that people were commenting on this thread without having read the book, therefore, we were at cross purposes before we even started. I’m not using that as an excuse for my bad behaviour but to throw some clarity on how it got out of hand so quickly. As was pointed out by Trainspotter and a couple of other people, we had different understandings of what a complaint is. Without reading the book, you wouldn’t understand where I was coming from so I apologise for the confusion, I can see now where that started.

I know many of you are not interested in this book, which is of course (goes without saying) perfectly ok, but for those who are and for those who private messaged me about it, here’s the video I promised that goes a little way to explain a little bit more about the book.

I don’t really like Will (the author) but he’s a really great guy and I absolutely love his work and his dedication to helping others end the suffering in their lives. I met him when we were both in Bali at the same time a couple of years ago. I was already familiar with his work, I had already completed the challenge (which is 21 days, not 30 as I previously stated), so when I heard he was in town I went along to meet him and we began working together to bring the method to the social services department I had been working for in the U.K. Will was great, we collaborated with the chief executive of the social services department and he was so supportive. He is happy and eager to work with people, particularly organisations, schools etc, to end suffering, so if you would like to implement it in your school, business or whatever, don’t be afraid to contact Will, he’s very keen to help people, he’s super supportive and all work can be done over Skype.

This video was done a few years ago and I haven’t watched it for a while but it gives you the gist of what the book/method is all about and what it can achieve for you if you put the method into practice. If you have any questions, just message me if you don’t want to put them on the thread.

Once again, I am very sorry for the unpleasant and downright ugly comments I made to people.

https://youtu.be/AYHP0VzYKQU