A complaint free world

Unfortunately, the only way how to make other people to understand that something is wrong is to complain.

I now complain if I am unhappy with something or do not want to do something.

This is the only way how to make others to hear me.

And that makes sense. How would they know that I am unhappy with something if I do not say anything? They think that everything is fine and I am happy but I feel opposite inside me and I wear a mask simply to be polite. I do not like conflicts but at the same time I cannot do endless suffering.

It is not fair to me as my health suffers every time I do something I am not comfortable to do.

I believe that people should say when they believe that something is wrong.

I was not complaining for a long time in my life. I have spent years and years and years being put down by others, and being told to put up and shut up.

My health went only down as I was so unhappy doing things I am not happy to do and wearing masks.

Since I discovered that I am likely autistic I started to object and say ''No, I cannot do that.''.

Now other people do not ask me to do some things I am unhappy to do.

I would not be in this situation if I never complained and said ''No, I cannot do that.''.

I would still be suffering and unhappy.

Now I am starting to get adjustments in place. So, I do not have to do things I am not happy to do.

This makes me feel a lot better. Less anxious.

I think for me the only way to avoid doing something I am not happy to do is to object and say No if I feel that I cannot do something.

You see, if general standards are low enough, anyone who isn't satisfied and complains about it is therefore labelled a 'complainer'.  At staff meetings, I often point out that staff should only be using their personal phones on breaks, not when they're at their desks.  I would say about 90% of the staff use their phones during work for non work-related reasons.  That's tantamount to theft of public money and it's depriving our customers of the service we are supposed to provide.  So, I bring this up and people don't like it.  The same as if I go into the office kitchen and someone's left the milk out of the fridge after making a drink.  I could put it away.  Instead, I'll call out to the office that someone's left the milk out of the fridge.  People jam the copiers, then walk away.  One woman has a horrible phone manner, and is rude to people quite frequently.  The office manager, meanwhile, sits by listening and lets her get away with it.  I've also reported members of staff for making discriminatory comments against Muslims or people on benefits.  I'm sorry, but I'm not going to just sit quietly by and let people get away with things like this.  If they continue to do it unchallenged, they'll end up thinking it's acceptable.  And not calling it a 'complaint' but a 'request' or something similar is merely semantics.  I'm not making a request.  I'm making a complaint.

But who is it who's part of the driving force behind improving standards that people don't have to complain about?  People who complain.  You should thank us that you always get the best... and think yourself lucky that you live in a society where you no longer feel you have a need to complain about anything.  You asked me earlier what I meant by a basic standard of service.  I meant providing a service that was satisfactory enough that it shouldn't need complaining about.  Not everyone provides that, and sooner or later you will come across a service that falls short.  It's ok if you have a choice of service provider.  In my job, though, you don't.  So if you ever have recourse to the law, bear that in mind. 

I really like this saying trainspotter and will use it in future with my students. It's certainly true in my sector that those who don't like change use a lack of student complaints on an issue to keep the status quo no matter how unhelpful it is. This is especially true in regards to autistic students as we have no autistic friendly study spaces on campus and no rooms will be made as no one has complained. All of the library spaces are in huge open plan areas with 1000 students on each floor, mix-matched pattern carpets and strip lighting. I'm constantly trying to get students to submit constructive complaints for the greater good but a lot of them are scared to do this.

The dictionary definition of a complaint is "a statement that something is wrong or not satisfactory". Could you provide an example of how you don't accept substandard service and crappy goods whilst not providing a statement that something is wrong or not satisfactory as I'm really interested in how you word this?

You 'previously' complained that you were being 'attacked' as that is a statement that something is wrong. Could it be that you do complain regularly but you didn't understand what a complaint was?

People who don’t complain never accept substandard service and crappy goods, not ever. We demand the quality of service we have paid for or are expected to pay and we refuse to pay for substandard or crappy goods, no matter who the provider is. 

Oh I don’t mind children’s books. My friend, a former primary school teacher, recently bought me a child’s ladybird book on grammar as she knows I’m interested to learn more about grammar and she knows that I need it explaining to me as if I was a child. 

You’ve inspired me to read the book, thank you. 

It’s not possible to accept things as they are and complain at the same time. That’s simply not possible.  And you clearly did attack me. 

I don’t disagree with anybody as I see all views as equally valid and correct. If you read the book and then came back to discuss your findings, that would not be an attack, whatever you found in the book. However, you attacked me without even reading the book. 

I have no beliefs. To belief something indicates clearly that you doubt it, otherwise you wouldn’t need to ‘believe’ it, you would simply know it. 

I wasn’t being presumptuous. I just can’t imagine someone who goes around grumbling to the degree he has earned the nickname of the person who complains the most, as having many friends. 

However, I detect that we do not share a mutual understanding of what I mean by complaining. 

You’re description of a basic standard is excellent, thank you, I understand that completely now. 

What you are describing here is having an excellent attention to detail. I can relate to this. It’s a helpful skill that many of us on the spectrum enjoy and a skill which is very useful in many professions. I don’t know what this had to do with complaining though and why judge other people by your own high standards? Some people just don’t posses your skills. 

When I do complain, I always try to do so constructively and give suggestions as to how things could be improved.

Sometimes a complaint is required if you want to progress with legal action, a court would not look favourably on a litigant that did not attempt to resolve a dispute via a complaints procedure prior to taking any legal action.

You are entitled to your views Blue Ray.  And you can follow your beliefs and use whatever book you like as some sort of religious text.  That is up to you.

I was not attacking you either.  I was just stating my point of view.  As I have stated I think your meanings are different to mine.

If we all had the same ideas and beliefs we would live in a very boring world.  Some of us accept what is on the world, how things are done however unjust.  And some of us do not.  Some of us complain.  Some of us don't.

As the well known saying goes which I made up, it takes all sorts to make Bertie Bassett. 

And I do talk and write a lot in analogies and 'parables', quotes, and theories. I can be very sarcastic.  I cannot help myself!  None of this should be taken as a personal attack, merely that I reserve the right to disagree with you on occasion, as no doubt you reserve the right to disagree with me.

And I would imagine the world is big enough for both your views and mine over this.

I should have added that it's a bit presumptuous of you to make a sarcastic comment about the people who love me and support me.  I suppose I can say that in the context of what you've just said here. Basic standards.  What I mean is, supposing you are given a task to do, such as cooking a meal.  You would want to make sure you had all the ingredients and that they were of an acceptable standard, and that the meal was cooked for the required amount of time.  That's the basic standard.  Anything else might be an addition, such as presentation or the use of some nice sauce, and some good crockery.  But it wouldn't matter about that, just as long as you'd prepared the meal to a good basic standard.  It wasn't undercooked, for instance, or the ingredients weren't off.  I try to set my standards based on the criteria for the task in hand.  So if I'm writing out a judicial Order, I'll make sure the transcription is absolutely correct as a very basic necessity.  If it means going up to see a judge and asking for clarification, then I do it.  They're usually grateful for that attention to detail, because Orders have to be precise with no room for misunderstanding.  Then I'll make sure that the printer has enough toner to print the order out properly.  Then I'll make sure I stamp it, fold it, put it in an envelope and send it out.  Those things are the basic standards for that task.  What I'm talking about is colleagues who won't bother to check if they can't read handwriting and will simply put what they think it says, which often leads to Orders coming back for redrafting, or even worse to confusion for the recipients.  Also, they'll print off the Orders, then leave them for someone else to deal with the rest.  This is sloppy work.  I actually have people who do admire me for my approach.  I'm not entirely alone at my workplace in taking this approach.  I get supported, too.  But that's my personal business which I don't want to discuss here.

Jabberwocky is a shortish nonsense poem in Alice through the Looking Glass.

If you have never read Alice in Wonderland, I would start off with reading that one.  Although they are ostensibly 'children's' books, there is a lot to enjoy in them, both on a superficial level and looking for a deeper meaning which will be there according to how you interpret them.

And they are not about complaining...!

Phew, I'm getting lost here.  I missed the bit about people suffering.  Is it because they're complaining all of the time?  Well what about the people who suffer because they don't complain, and put up with substandard service and crappy goods? 

Where do these ‘basic standards’ come from and why did you adopt them as your own and why don’t you have your own standards? 

I’ve never read that book and I don’t watch films (apart from old black and white ones) so I genuinely did not know what you meant. And yes, I totally struggle to understand parables and such so people often have to explain them to me. 

What I’ve been talking about is not ‘my’ meaning of what a complaint is, it is what I have learned from reading the book and putting the suggestions into practice and they transformed my life in a big way so I naturally want to share that with others. 

Is ‘jabbereocky’ a seperate book from Alice through the looking glass? I’m very interested to read ‘Alice through the looking glass’ but I’ve never heard of the other one. Because I have never read either and I’m interested in the Alice book, would you recommend I read them in a particular order? 

I don't need sympathy for this.  Look on it as a mission.  It gives a sense of purpose, a way of changing things (or at least attempting to).  Yes I am proud of my achievements, I have changed things by not accepting them.

Change drives progress and complaints drive change. 

‘Your semantics are different to mine. Hence you have a unique meaning of request, which is the same as my meaning of 'complaint’.’

Just reading through this whole thread now, this was the impression I too was beginning to form...

I think it’s also important to highlight the distinction between making a justifiable and reasonable complaint, and just generally moaning or whinging about everything, which could also be described as ‘complaining’, but is likely to be unhealthy to all concerned (as opposed to the former).

These aren't my standards, but basic standards.  One aspect of my autism, as many of my past employers have pointed out to me, is my conscientiousness and meticulous attention to detail.  I've had jobs where people have written me letters to thank me for my attention to their matter, because it made them feel they were being taken seriously and being dealt with by a human being.  In my current job, where I have to deal a lot of the time with solicitors, a lot of them ask for me specifically when they're put through to my section, because they know I do the job properly.  I'm not proud of that reputation though.  As far as I'm concerned, I'm doing the job I'm paid for - and I can only ever do it to the best of my ability.  If others don't like that, then I suppose they can always complain.