Depression?

Hi Ladybird, I have the same thoughts and plans as you. I'm on antidepressants, I think it's a case of trial and error to find what suits you best. I've also never shared my thoughts, for the same reasons as you, I'm scared of the consequences should professionals find out. Right now I'm taking it one day at a time. Trying to address my anxiety so that I feel in control. This forum really is a blessing. I'm not saying that I'm doing well, I've resorted back to SH again, with all the shame and guilt involved. Plastic has given really good advice, give it a try, your not alone in this, there are people here who will support you.

Hi Ladybird,

I get anxiety and depression (I have bipolar) and I am on a range of medication for this. I have started using the mental health pages on the site here to help me too.

I have once attempted suicide, but now am pleased I wasn't successful. I now believe that that is when I am ill, though it will always be part of who I am.

I have been under a psychiatrist and a range of others over the years, but now I am pretty stable and can manage myself. 

I think I am going to try to manage my anxiety with my autism hat on and actually cut back on things I do and not push myself so much.

You can get through this. At the moment, you just need to take one day at a time and get through each day. At the moment, I am on the waiting list for some online CBT - after filling in my PHQ-9 score and an interview with a wellbeing practitioner. I accessed this via iAPT which is a self-referral, so I didn't need to go via the GP.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Debilitating sadness is something people don't understand unless they've felt the real struggles that are there. Since age 16, I've tried a laundry list of medicines. Although, I take medicine for attention/concentration....I have a more difficult time with SSRI's bc they cool my underative temporal down to much. I do well with like .25 of a half mg of klonopin, but NP's are always fearful of prescribing it.That being said, you may just need to try some....I tell people if the depression is so bad....take medicine, that's what it's there for. Think of it as a tool. If something gives you side effects (I've had nasuea/dizziness)....I've had Dr's insists I stay on it, but I say..."goodbye." If you trust your gut/feelings and start on low doses....I once had a Dr. prescribe 100mg of Zoloft--I got so sick. If you start low, you'll be good. 

-Elavil is supposed to be an older anti-depressant, but still considered the gold star anti-depressant. 

-Wellbutrin is one of the top rated antidepressants with the least reported side effects

-Prozac (Temple Grandin takes a small dose of this for her anxiety/depression)

Medicine it tough, but even if you take if for a little while to get through or if you take it long-term.....you can't fix your brain with your own brain. If you need help, you need help-plain and simple. The best we can hope for is, to do the best for ourselves that we can--I'm a survivor of suicide & I know, you have to make it your decision to want to be here, but what if it meant going through some slightly annoying side effects until you found the right medicine so you can function and find happiness? If you struggle with depression long-term and it isn't just something that comes & goes--it's your brain, it's not you & you have the power to do something about it----that is, if you choose to.

It sounds like you need a stress-buddy to do things with - someone to distract you while you walk around the block - someone to fill your mind with other thoughts during activities.     Do you have access to a Meetup walking group?    Things are opening up so it might be the time to start  to think of nicer things.      

I want to photograph the bluebells in the woods and just sit in the peace and quiet on my collapsible chair.     Maybe say hello to the dog walkers and meet some flappy-tongued dogs.  

I agree. And I’ve tried that before pandemic with various success. Actually, the success rate was pretty low. But I had glimmer of hope. Now I’m giving up. 

Somehow, instead of getting easier it gets harder. Instead of “yeah, I did it, I can do it again”  I start to panic “no, please, don’t force me to do that again”.

And I’ve started to notice more physical symptoms of stress: poor sleep, stomach problems, chest pain, change in eating habits, loss of hair (I’ve got recurring alopecia areata since childhood and it’s often triggered by stress as it messes up my immune system)

Are you able to challenge yourself?     Little things like give yourself a treat if you walk around the block?      Little rewards for doing things you don't like?

What is the problem with the neighbours?    It's often easier to engage with the thing that annoys you rather than being subject to it.      The equivalent is that a busy road is annoying - but many people enjoy a coffee in a pavement cafe while people-watching.

It's all about looking at your problems as challenges to overcome rather than be oppressed by.

Hey, sorry to hear that you're not feeling well! I also have depression.

Have you tried antidepressants? The side effects are different for different people, but one antidepressant I found that works well (and also alleviates anxiety) is sertraline. Some of my friends take it as well and they find it effective. The only side effect I found is that if you take it on an empty stomach, it can give you epic heart burn, so it's best to take it after food.

I can reply only to myself, where’s other reply button?

Everything just seems too much.

Even things I’ve been able to do in the past. 

I too anxious to go anywhere on my own. I won’t talk on the phone. I thought about volunteering or some support or interest groups but I’m not able to force myself to go. Even if it’s only online zoom meeting.

Even sitting in my own garden is stressful because of the neighbours.

I’m still working but it’s more surviving than thriving because every thought of anything new scares me. It paralyses me completely and I can’t think straight. Every question, request or demand. Even if it’s something I want to do. It seems too much. And it annoys me. I’m annoyed and angry at myself.

Because I’m limiting myself more and more and I can’t see how I can I get out of it. What if I deteriorate even further?

Hi Ladybird

Sorry you're feeling low.

We tend to be labelled as depressed because we openly talk about dark subjects.      If the source of your anxiety is real, then you need to find a solution to that .

CBT is all about telling you your thinking is wrong - being anxious about real things is not wrong.   GPs usually offer a drug solution - it works well for some, not so well for others.      I've been on antidepressants and my world was like living in a fog - I couldn't function properly or safely.

It's worth talking to your GP to get access to support services and counsellors.

If you can find a ASD-knowledgable counsellor, talking over the problems with someone else may pop up some solutions that you hadn't considered.

Please don't consider suicide - it's almost always a very permanent solution to a temporary problem.   It's quite normal to think about quick and easy ways out of any problem.   

What can you do about the source of your anxiety?       Can you re-jig your life to make the anxiety go away?     Is there anyone who can help you with your problems?