Diagnosed at 23 - Hello

Hi Jake

I am 62 and have only just been diagnosed.  I just wish that I'd be diagnosed much earlier.

Remember it does not change you.  You are the same person you always were.  You have your strengths and weaknesses.  I look on my diagnosis as a positive thing.  Far from closing doors, it will open them.

Losing a close relative is always a traumatic experience and I certainly can feel the grief you feel.  And anything I say will sound trite and probably not help you over this.  So I would just say to take advantage of any bereavement counselling you can and the support of family members.

Back to your ASD, you are lucky to have an understanding workplace.  There is a scheme called 'access to work' which may be able to help with your workplace providing the adjustments you require, they will assess for you your requirements and make recommendations and provide money to help with this provision.  And while not compulsory for your workplace to follow these recommendations, your workplace would be well advised to follow them.

Access to work

In my case, the ASD did not cause me problems until a lot of changes were brought into the workplace at once.  My ASD had primed a bomb waiting for detonation within me and the changes at work were what the bomb needed for the detonation.  I suffered severe stress and anxiety and was off work for over five months (I've only been back two months now).  My mind was confused with conflicting instructions, I was mentally exhausted and totally unfit for work at that time.  My workplace was very reluctant to provide adjustments so my diagnosis has certainly given me good reasons for these, and I have approached Access to Work.

Although I have an ASD this does not mean I am incapable of adapting my behaviour.  This takes a considerable time and there is often a reversion, and a lot of my adaptive behaviour is simply 'acting' lines that have been learned.  However this can lead to a situation occurring when the 'play' I am in is not the one I thought and there are no appropriate learned lines available. 

But the one thing I would say is that I would not want to change the way I am.  I am me with all my design attributes.  And why would I want to change that?

 Hi Jake, I was diagnosed  aith Aspergers/ASD about a month or so ago aged 45. That might explain why sometimes I've had problems at work or bullying at work or school.

Sorry for your loss. I don't feel excited by Christmas, I enjoy the decorations and as I'm Pagan I like to think decorating a tree is luring back the sun, tho I know the sun will return, but I like to engage in the sympathetic magic, I see Christmas as the Pagan Yule. 
I know my Mum is alone xmas day , so am I. My fella I call him that, runs his own security firm, and he usually works nights , and I think last 2 christmases he's worked, tho I guess as a veteran he's probably used to working when us civvies are enjoying themselves and he lives 60 miles or so  away, I could go up there tho it seems pointless as he'll probably be sleeping in the day, and his son who works there doesn't seem to be pulling his weight. I speak with him on the phone, e-mail most days, I think maybe the next day off might be new years eve. Tho I did take the opportunity to drive up there Saturday with his birthday & xmas presents as he had a couple of days off.
I think various family members have tried to split us up, tho our relationship seemed to become more platonic as it was my rotten luck to get women's problems, tho I think I'm in the process of resolving them.

I think I understand his PTSD , and he understands mine (tho I haven't been diagnosed as such). I know I won't experience the   horrors of war, unless I read someone else's account of it, but then I won't experience the horrors firsthand.  I know with myself I was sexually assaulted by a gang of boys I was at junior school with, and then shortly afterwards an older  cousin. After the boys I was sent to a child psychologist and I asked my Mum why and her reply was "To see why you behave as you do" I don't know if that was blaming me or she had a poor way with words (Tho she was the one who planted this aspie seed in my head, tho she thinks she might be herself, but not diagnosed). So after that getting out I fely I couldn't ask if what my cousin was doing was right or wrong. I think as a 16/17 year old I felt maybe I tried to engage in behaviour other females of my age were engaging in, tho maybe I came across as a "slapper" tho I would often shy away if I thought things were going too fast. Tho I had men who were only interested in sex, this resulted in a rape aged 18. Then my later husband could be abusive.

I only really began to feel I had a truly loving relationship when I met my fella. I know he picked up my anxiety when things first got sexual. I hope 2017 will lead to happenings. I know he was glad to see me Saturday and did appreciate me turning up. He liked his birthday present. I know he has helped me out, buying me a computer as my old one was ancient in computer terms. I feel I can discuss anything with him, I think maybe he's the reason I'm alive now. as he has stopped me from killing myself before now. Would family members prefer I was dead.

Sorry for going on what was a thread about diagnosis and xmas, seems I've gone off topic, but this thread and time of year has awakened emotions. I know the family members I was closest to are mainly all dead now. I wish my Dad was here as I share his enthusiasm for railways and the Rolling Stones. I'll gather I'll go to my Mum's xmas day, and here's hoping in 2017 my work and relationship(s) improve.                         

Hi Jake and welcome

There are many of us who've found out what we are as adults. I'm a middle aged woman, and I didn't have a clue until early this year.

I'm very sorry about your sister. I'm not very good at empathy, but I hope you'll understand that I'm trying to make you feel better when I say that I'm sure she would want you to be happy, and that you should try to remember the good things. 

I'm glad to hear that you have a lot of support. Christmas is a difficult time for many of us. I hate the lead up to it - the noise, crowds, over decoration, the demands to be "sociable". Once it's here I'm OK, as I can then have a peaceful time in my flat, just me and my partner.

Confusion is understandable at this stage, but just bear in mind that you're the same person you've always been. We're all individual, so we each have slightly different qualities, skills and needs, but there are many areas of commonality, or at least similarity. We all get anxious when we're overloaded, but some will get overloaded quicker than others, depending on our individual sensitivies and current frame of mind, and meltdowns take differing forms.

You're correct that knowledge is power. I read lots about autism, but then wanted to know how NTs (neurotypicals, or people without autism) were different from me. I found the book " A field guide to Earthlings - an autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behaviour" really helpful. I got it from Amazon in Kindle format.

There is always someone on here who will try to help, so if you have a question, just post it.

All the best

Pixie