Hello

Hi gramit108 thanks for the reply and i think you have a point as im sure the medical examination is only for physical i.e eye test,blood pressue etc etc but i dont know if they will have a copy of my medical records or not but i never thought of joining the union as its 15 a month and i always get told theyre usless but maybe i will look into tht i can always leave once i have my answers. I did think that surely i have proved i am capable of doing the job i mean everyone asks me where this crossing is or that crossing so im at least a good reference to crossing in our area

Hi lowman,

I don't know if there are different rules for the work you are doing, but usually you are under no obligation to disclose having autism to an employer. Employers are also not allowed to discriminate against you based on it if it doesn't stop you from being able to fulfil your job. You have been doing it for 12 years so you are clearly competent. Autistic people can also have an amazing eye for detail and following processes so potentially better suited than others at certain tasks.

Do you belong to a union? Could you discus things with a rep?

Oh thanks i will go and look for them they sound helpful youre right and i know i shouldnt need a label i am ready for a diagnosis i really want one but i guess my need to keep my job is stronger than my need to know maybe i should just have a read of those books maybe they will stop my brain from over thinking things and keeping me up most nights. Thanks for your comments by the way i didnt think id get any as i tend to bore people before i even start but i have now got lots of info thank you

If you're not ready to get a diagnosis, why not ignore the label, and just use the information available as a source of self help to problems that you've recognised. There's nothing very weird about most of it. I'd already read similar ideas to much of it from other sources, and the only difference with some of it is that it suggests applying similar solutions in a way that can work for people on the spectrum. If someone thinks you are doing something in an odd way, just tell them that you've found it works for you. It might work for them too, even if they're NT!

A really useful book is "Living Well on the Spectrum" by Valerie Gauss. The first part has a series of worksheets to help identify your problem areas, and the second part has worksheets to help resolve different types of problem. It's also worth reading books like "Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome" by Tony Attwood, which has some useful suggestions.

If I'd known this stuff decades ago, even without the autism label, I might have been able to adapt before my life got in a mess, and getting a diagnosis now wouldn't be so important.

Well maybe i will pluck up the courage to get tested one day when im not working where i am now but at the moment i have too much debt and no house to live in to risk losing my job but thank you it is nice to know that the tests have a lot more credit than i presumed they do i would like to be told that i definitely do have it one day as its a nice thought that im not the freak i always thought i was and that others have similar problems to me

I gave copies of my AQ test, and others I did, to the psychologist doing my assessment. He said they will provide useful extra information to help with the diagnosis. So they are useful to the experts.

Yes i do over think things i do prefer museums and libraries too i hate parties so awkwrd and theres never anywhere to hide. When i was at school i used to walk round and round the school at lunch and break time until the library opened and i could spend my time there. Yeah i only have 1 friend and he moved 150 miles away and haven't spoke to him for over a year now. I have only had 4 girlfriends and the longest one lasted was 3 months they just get bored or annyed with me i think. Oh wow i didnt think self diagnoses is accepted maybe i will try to do the aq again your way and not try to pick every detail out and just imagine what im like in those situations thank you and sorry if i keep goong on about myself.

The GP I saw said the AQ test results can vary according to your mood, for example most people who are depressed won't feel like doing things with others or going to a party. But I've always felt more comfortable in libraries and museums than parties or concerts and have always been a bit of a loner. Apart from my husband, I only have one real friend but I'm happy with that. I don't go to work social events as I don't enjoy them. 

Anyway, I'm rambling on now so I'll try to get to the point.  I'm no expert but I think maybe you're "over thinking" your answers? If you're not sure, think about how you would behave most of the time. 

A score of over 32 generally indicates you are on the autism spectrum, however my friend scored 28 compared to my 41 and she is like me in a lot of ways. I originally wanted a diagnosis because I had been going through a period of extreme anxiety and wanted an explanation for my reactions, however people on the spectrum are very understanding and accepting and some people on here are self diagnosed, so don't worry about not being accepted. Other people will support and advise you as they've supported and advised me. 

Hi pixie thank you for your lovely comment, i think you're right i dont think i get effected by my ways like i did as a kid although i did go to volunteer for the night walks for autism the other week got there and i got really nervous and just froze and couldnt bring myself to ask where they wanted me and after a lot of nail biting and pacing i ran off home confused about my behavior and reaction and i really did think maybe i am but if i cant get a formal diagnosis will i be accepted by people who are formally diagnosed and feel i should but on another thought i think is it worth the risk losing my job just for a label. Anyway i digress as usual i think youre right disorder is an ugly word. Oh cool i didnt know late development of things was a part of it (im still ignorant and learning about it) i never learnt to tell the time till i was like 8 or 9 i remember my mum shouting at me that i should know this by now and she used to threaten to take me to a special school if i dont buck up my idea. Yes i always presume people are angry at me or think they are critising me too your comment is very interesting to me ive learnt a lot thank you i wish i was better at writting maybe i could reply to your comment better. Just a quick question but i have been obsessed at taking the aq test and i am always very honest with my answers as i spend hours taking them and thinking them over but i noticed that my results change depending how i feel when i take it like when i came back from my failed attempet at the night walk i scored a 40 but when i am calm and in a good mood i score a 36 usually but once i got a 32 and a 26 even does mood make a difference do you think to the scores? 

Hi Steve and welcome to the forum. 

I'm a 55 year old female "aspie". Like you, I watched a BBC documentary a while back and started to wonder about aspergers, and when I took the AQ test I was a bit surprised at my score of 41 as I've always been able to cope reasonably well.

It does explain a lot of things though, like my delays in learning to tie shoelaces and ride a bike as a child,  my lifelong inability to catch anything that's thrown to me, my clumsiness, my sensitivity to certain loud noises  my distress at feeling I'm being criticised (whether real or imagined) and my problems with different types of relationships.

It can make working difficult, and I know now why I've never stayed in the same job for more than 5 years. Working relationships can be a minefield  and many people with autism or aspergers fail to achieve their potential and end up working in boring or unfulfilling jobs. You should be proud that you can keep a job and are buying a house - I'm not being patronising, this is often a major achievement for people on the spectrum. 

With regards to getting a diagnosis, the AQ test is a recognised screening assessment, however some doctors are more familiar with it than others. The GP I saw has a background in mental health and accepted my score of 41 as evidence. He offered me a referral to a specialist but explained that I wouldn't get any support afterwards as I cope OK most of the time and can hold a job down. I've heard that some specialists won't actually give you a formal diagnosis if you don't need support in day to day life, no matter how strong your AS traits are. I find it has helped just to accept that I have AS traits and find out more about myself, and joining this community is a great source of support, and just feeling like you're not alone in being like you are is helpful. 

I think the medical profession make an error in judging it as "autism spectrum disorder"  though - I view the word "disorder" as a mental illness that possibly can be cured, whereas being on the autism spectrum is just a different way of thinking and dealing with the world. You don't have to tell anyone about it, and I wouldn't advise discussing it with your employer if you have any concerns about how they will view it. Unfortunately a lot of people still don't have a clue - after all some of us aspies, like me,  are still learning about it! 

Good luck 

Pixie