feel isolated, please say hi...

hi thoughtfulspot

I am sure you are a wonderful mum, and that's the most important thing.  My daughter was premature and I can well remember how stressful and tiring that was, and having a three year old as well must be tiring too, so get a nap whenever you can and look after yourself.

Our local children's centre has parent and child groups, and that's a good place to meet other people, and there's no pressure to interact with the other mums.

I think when the children begin to play with the other children then it's chance to say hello to the other parents.  

Activities such as painting and other creative play sometimes invovle parents as well.   You could well make friends at playgroups such as this, and then would see them later when your children move on to school, and would be able to say hello to them there while waiting for your children to come out.

Try not to worry.  Enjoy being a mum.

take care

Jen

Hi Thoughtful Spot,

I'm not sure I can advise too much on being a mother but I am father to two young children. I'm sure you're doing an amazing job.

If there is a rare day when I have to pick my eldest one up from school, I tend to sit in the car until 15.24, with pick up time being 15.25.

The way I see it and it's not always been this way, if you don't actually want to interact in the school playground, then you don't have to do so. I used to think that I was duty bound to socialise and take part in things that I found incredibly difficult.

Once I realised that I was just different (and that's pre and post diagnosis) then it became a lot easier. 

After all, who was I trying to please? 

Ultimately, I guess myself and proving that I can fit in and can do things which others seem to find so simple. 

I've accepted now that I have nothing to prove to myself and it makes things far easier I've found.

Finally, because I am starting to ramble as usual, you sound like a great Mum. Your children clearly come first , ahead of everything else and that's even harder if you factor in your condition.

Well done.

F.

I'm an Aspie Mum to three (2 with ASD).  I also had a very hard time when my last two children were born as they were only 14 months apart, and the youngest has ASD, Proprioceptive sensory disorder, verbal processing disorder, sensory issues, complex communication disorder and dyspraxia!!(He did nothing but cry and scream till he was 3!!)  By the time he was twelve months old I had been hospitalised once with sleep deprivation induced psychosis! (I slept for 36 hours straight and that sorted me out!)  I found that my local health visitor team were really helpful.  Social services got involved through because I have high functioning Autism!  I suppose I should have expected social services as many people don't understand autism.  They didn't do anything, they just rang me now and then.  The health visitor was great though, she put me in touch with a local sure start service, got me going to baby clubs and accessed free nursery places for my two littlest so that I could have some respite.  I don't know how I would have managed without her.  Your GP should be able to point you in the direction of services you can access, if not try your local council.  Every local authority has a Parent Partnership or SENDIASs service which should be able to give you information of local services.  You may not find any help directly for Adult Autism but any kind of support group may be beneficial. 

As for the 'playground', why worry.  You're there to drop off and collect your child, it's not a social event.  Put your earphones in and hang around at the back!  I do!  It won't be too long until you make a friend or two.  My littlest are 8 and 10 now and I have three amazing friends from the playground, something I would never have expected.  They are totally fine with my Autism and have really been supportive of me and my bizarre social anxiety!  I also have a really hard time with 'people', and I'll completely withdraw and isolate myself if I'm allowed to.  But when you have children that's not really an option, and it's probably not that health either tbf.  I found that craft clubs, aimed for older retired people were better for me as I'm much more anxious with people my own age (I'm not sure why).  I also found older people more patient and understanding, also when you turn up somewhere 'to do something' you can avoid social chatter by focussing on 'the thing' instead. 

'Your' diagnosis is exactly that, its yours.  No one can look at you and see your Autism, trust me, people are not that astute.  In 44 years (and I work in SEN) I've only had 2 people ask me diirectly if I'm Aspergers!  It's a word, it doesn't change who you are.  You're the same person you were before someone put a label on you.  Use your diagnosis to gather information to help yourself, don't use it as a reason to limit yourself. (says me...who will totally isolate myself in a heartbeat!!)  If you're feeling down, just think about all the good qualities you have that a neaurotypical person might not have. 

I think you're doing amazingly already.  After all you can type out stuff legibly and you've probably had 3 hours sleep.  That practically makes you a superhero!

Take care.

Hi :)

Thanks KateWales103, your kind support much appreciated!

I am relieved to know that I am not the only one dreading interaction at the playground! It does not come naturally to me either.  I have to act and work hard to talk to people. I never know what they are going to say or how to respond and always think of the right thing to say afterwards. I have alwasy been bullied by groups of women, so am dreading school. But on the plus side I know I have the very best intensions. I am kind and caring and always mean well. I hope that will come across to people.  It takes me at least an hour to recover from dropping my little boy off at playgroup. I really hope he doesn't pick up how much it affects me. I am trying to be strong for him. 

Having two is full on isnt it! Thankfully I have my mum close by who has been helping in the day, so I have been able to have breaks. Looking after both of them together is very intense. I feel so guilty about not being able to give them my undivided attention. 

It is actually been a big relief to get a diagnosis. I can finally stop beating myself up when I don't fit in! but also so worried how it will affect my boys. I hope I can now learn how to be a better mummy. I wish I had time to read all the books, so much to learn!!

Very best of luck with the diagnois of your 10 year old boy x

Hello - mum to a 10 year old autistic (mid diagnosis) boy just wanted to say hi - I can't imagine how much extra pressure your diagnosis must have heaped on you at a time when I know life is super stressful anyway! Also had a 3 year old running around when our boy was born!

I hope someone in a similar situation will reply but just to say I really identify with dreading interaction with other parents and playgroup/school. Am naturally shy and also found all of that really difficult, must be much worse for you x