Hello

Hi, it is good to hear from you again. I have done that test, yes, amongst others, and consistently appear as being on the autistic spectrum. The last scores I printed out we're 166/200 neurodiverse and 49/200 for neuro-typical, so, as far as it can be trusted, fairly conclusive. I am waiting to hear from my neurologist as to his opinion (I provided as much written evidence of my traits as possible). My parents are, in my opinion, definitely on the spectrum, but, since they do not understand what ASD is, they don't recognise it in themselves at all. I see it in my brothers and sister too (we are half-siblings, related on the maternal side). I live in Wales, and I would be willing to bet the postcode lottery will not be in my favour. I only hope my neurologist will take me seriously and perhaps arrange for me to be formally tested. I think my parents need a doctor to say "your son has/is autistic before they will even start to take me seriously. Our communication has always been difficult since we simply do not talk about our feelings to one another, at all...thanks again for your advice, it is truly appreciated.

Hi again Paddy,

Have you thought about getting a diagnosis? There is some help available to adults who have problems due to autism (it's a postcode lottery so will depend on where you live). Have you tried the free test at http://aspergerstest.net/aq-test/ ?

Also, do you see any autistic traits in your parents? Autism is frequently inherited so there is a chance that some of your difficulties with your parents may be due to one (or even both) also being on the spectrum. When two people with autism try and communicate then it can be somewhat difficult!

Hello again. I honestly believe I have had them to some degree all of my life, yes. My inability to make long-lasting friendships when I was young; my inability to understand when friends were most likely taking advantage of me, or being friendly, then bullying me in a group. In addition to this there were things like the fact that my mother and father could put me on the floor, surrounded by toys, and they would not hear a peep out of me. I could quite happily spend hours on my own, playing or reading, without any interaction with my family, although, at the time, I think I did have more interests in making friends, although, as I said, I never had any success with it. I always preferred spending my time with teachers, because I found I could relate to them more easily than I could my peers.

Then there were things like my total inability to understand any mathematical concepts whatsoever, the fact that, although in primary school I was not taught anything, my remedial teacher in Junior school told my parents, and myself, that there was no need for me to be in there for English-related subjects, because. once I was shown the basics, I soon attained a teenage, then an adult reading age, although I didn't do anything with it, because I felt the teachers were overly-critical of me in many respects, although, of course, I may have misinterpreted things they said.

Added to that was the fact that I often acted, on reflection, in ways that must have embarrassed girls that I had crushes on. Things like giving them inappropriately lavish gifts to show them I liked them, and not just telling them, and definitely not handling rejection well at all when it occurred, and it occurred remarkably often.

There are many more instances, I am sure, but I think that all I have said definitely points to some level of autism. I think it was perhaps just missed because of my other disabilities which my doctors and parents tended to concentrate on because they were more obvious.

Paddy said:

but I think I need to be a little more kind to myself, and give myself a bit of rest from all the stress from my auditory and visual problems at the moment.

Being kind to yourself is something I've urged a few posters to do recently on the forum. Autism comes with a very critical component that we sometimes turn on ourselves and sometimes turn on other people. We tend to be too categoric and too harsh when we could do better to go with the flow.

I get the impression that you may have had autistic traits before the anaphylaxis. Have I understood this correctly?

It was a very distressing time in my life, yes, and, as I mentioned, one of the most difficult things is that my personality seemed to change. I think, along with the fact that I most likely was autistic to a degree, the course my life took since my illness has made my behaviour and how I deal with things worse. At the moment, because I am coming to terms with a great deal, I am probably being a little too self-indulgent, but I think I need to be a little more kind to myself, and give myself a bit of rest from all the stress from my auditory and visual problems at the moment.

It must have been very difficult for you to be diagnosed at 56, I am not sure I could deal with this for that long.

I am not sure, because my mind is so clouded at the moment, but I think my auditory problems have got worse since my mother developed deafness, and now my father is going deaf too, so they are both speaking so much louder now than they used to. I am beginning to wonder if they may both be on the spectrum, also, because they have both seemed quite uncaring towards my problems, at least to me. My father has certainly not been supportive, although he did say the other day that he does think I am on the spectrum, but I think he was just humouring me to stop me talking about it. The next day he said I read too much about it on the internet, and I should stop, but, of course, I am very obsessive about it. I like to understand things, and I hate not knowing about things if I think I need to know about it.

As you said, it is very difficult to diagnose, and my traits could be because of other things, but, the more I think things through, the more it seems to fit how I am, with people, interests, and in other aspects of my life. Thank you very much for conversing with me, once again.

That's quite a history to have lived through!

Autism isn't necessarily a catastrophe by any means - I was diagnosed at 56 but have had it all my life and now recognise that it was passed down several generations of my family. It brings difficulties but many people can get through their whole lives without being aware whilst others are more affected and also have other problems. It is hard to spot and hard to diagnose as it is often mixed up and obscured by other consequential and coincident issues.

There are a lot of misconceptions about autism and your parents are likely to associate it with severely handicapped people and are likely alarmed by that. Most autism isn't like that, it is a difficulty or a difference but it is often not the terrible thing that many people fear.

Thank you for the kind welcome. To answer your question, I had anaphylaxis when I was 17, at the beginning of a serious illness which caused my lungs to collapse, kidneys to fail, I had septicaemia and 2/3 of my stomach removed because of bleeding ulceration. Unfortunately, at the beginning of treatment for the kidney failure, I was catheterised with a latex catheter. I have been allergic to latex since at least junior school-age, and, although we told the hospital about the allergy, they did not make a note of it.

At the moment I am still coming to terms with the possibility/probability of being on the autistic spectrum, and also taking steps to cope with the sensory issues, something which so far is quite difficult as my parents do not yet believe that I am on the autistic spectrum. I am hoping to see my neurologist in the very near future, and hopefully he will be able to tell me if my symptoms are more likely to be due to the hydrocephalus which I currently have at the back of my head, or autism, or, indeed a combination of the two.

Over the years I have done many things to practice communicating with others, although, in the last few years I have become even more isolated, due to the loss of the one good friendship that I did have, and, as situations arise I will, of course, attempt to accomodate others wherever I possibly can. I think at the moment I am just overwhelmed by the possibilities of diagnosis and need time to adjust/come to terms with what the future may hold.

Thank you once again for the warm, kind welcome to the forum.

Hi Paddy and Welcome to the forum,

There are a lot of things about autism that can't be known. I suspect that you may never know what caused your autism unless you can see clear traits in your parents or unless you can pin it to an event such as birth trauma. When did you have anaphylaxis - was that at birth or some time later?

Sensory issues are very common with autism. A lot of people struggle with noise and I, for example, find that I need noise cancelling headphones to cope in some situations.

Face to face encounters are also a problem and some people, like you, end up avoiding any encounters - I would encourage you to try and practice this though as you will find that the vast majority of people are actually kind and honest and won't try and pick on you.