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Sdh2015 said:

is there anyone here who has been in a similar situation if so could you please get in contact with us

I'm an Asperger Syndrome adult. The lack of any State or charitable services for adults until the last half-decade has been a source of resentment for us, relative to those that have existed for parents.

Putting that aside though, I have the impression you're feeling isolated at the moment. That would be bound to lessen if you were to go along to a parents' support club and talk to other parents of autistic children.

You can find contact details for club in your area using the NAS Signpost service, www.autism.org.uk/signpost. It's not very intuitive to navigate IMO, this is how to access the details I'm discussing:

After entering some "Profile" information, submit those by clicking "View Details". Then on the left side menu, click "Key Services" and then the sub-item "Local Support".

Regards

Thank you, I have looked into it and can't seem to find any local groups for children only for adults unfortunately 

Also, have you looked at finding a local parent support group?

Search for Support Group on this page

www.autism.org.uk/directory.aspx

Thank you again for your advice. I think he has some trouble inderstanding when we are upset with him or playing with him. It's so hard at the moment because in just feel like they have told us he could be autistic and havent given us any advice at all on trying to help him. I get frustrated with myself because I feel like he needs my help yet I don't know what to do. Thank you for your advice I will try all of your suggestions :)

Some people find picture cards useful for communicating with non verbal kids. www.google.co.uk/search I don't know whether speech and language therapy would be useful at his age, this is a question for your health visitor. I think you can also try being calm and firm if he does things like that. He needs to know that he can't throw things and that hitting himself is bad. Try holding/hugging him until he calms down and say No! firmly but clearly. Take him to a quiet space too if you can. The naughty step at the bottom of the stairs where it is quiet and cool is ideal for this. If you keep repeating the message then he may learn that it doesn't get him anywhere and that he can't get away with the behaviour. Hopefully you can nip this in the bud before he gets bigger and stronger.

Can I please ask for a little bit more advice. The last week or so my son has started hitting his head on the wall or hitting himself in the head with something such as a remote control. He is also throwing a lot of things. I think it's because he is fruatrated because he can't talk. any advice on the best way for me to help in this situation would be much appreciated. Thank you 

thank you for your advice I will take it on board and ur suggestions a try :) 

Haircuts are another common issue. :-(

His distress may be a result of the barber being too brisk and harsh. I tried a few barbers out last year and felt that they were attacking my scalp with sharpened combs! I have found other barbers who are quite capable of cutting my hair without this feeling so it is worth trying out different places until you find one that works for him. Otherwise you can get hairdressers who do home visits or you could even do it yourself.

I would try and avoid getting upset yourself and making a fuss, when he gets upset, as this will only reinforce his distress. Give him a reward when it's over.

Does he go with you when you have your hair done? If he becomes familiar with somewhere and he sees that you don't make a fuss then he may become more tolerant.

Thank you for your response, I agree completely that society will be the biggest problem however I will do my best to support my son in anyway I can and I will try to not let society cause and problems for Him. unfortunately I understand that I cannot protect him from everything and as he gets old things will get harder in society. 

with regards to having his hair cut is there anything I can do to make it more comfortable for him? I hate the fact that he gets so distressed I hate seeing him like that. 

I understand how things I could never have imagined would cause him such discomfort will indeed be painful and distressing to him but what I cannot figure out is if I can help to make things more comfortable or tolerable for him. 

Firstly congratulations on having an autistic son! I refuse to see autism as a terrible problem that leads to an unfulfilled life. I'm not doubting that what lies ahead may be very hard for you at times but that will be largely due to society's attitudes and not because of your lovely son.

The hardest thing may be learning to think like an autistic person so you can see things as your son does. We don't enjoy socialising as a rule but we can learn to tolerate it. Eye contact can feel so intimate that its physically painful. Your son may hate having his hair cut because he's so sensitive to touch that it hurts.

Feel free to come back here and ask whatever and we'll help if we can.

thank you again for your advice. I have started to avoid playgroups completely now as I dont feel he is benefiting from them at all and I don't want to upset him. 

Unfortunately he is very upset if even one person comes to the house which is making things very difficult and is making me feel very isolated and lonely at times.

i can imagine it may have come as quite a relief to you - being diagnosed now. Im glad u are feeling it easier to cope now :) 

Supermarkets seem to be difficult for a few sufferers for some reason, it has come up in other threads. It may be something about the lighting or the number of people or the amount of things to look at.

Playgroups are liable to be simply unpleasant from an autistic point of view. Playgroups tend to be loud and busy environments that will overload an autistic child. Most children will thrive and learn social stuff at playgroup but an autistic child may just feel tortured. Also if you invite a lot of people to the house he may be overwhelmed - perhaps try and limit it to smaller numbers of visitors?

Getting diagnosed has been pretty good for me, I can suddenly begin to understand why I have struggled in lots of situations. It hasn't solved everything though but I get much less frustrated now. :-)

Thank you very much for your reply. the information you have provided me with is very useful. I find he particularly has a meltdown in the presence of other people weather that's in a supermarket, at a playgroup or people coming to the house he just seems to cry and get himself into such a state.

yes we can completely relate to what you said about his mind being active but him being closed off from the rest of the world. He seems to just go into a daze and we find it very difficult to get his attention. 

Thank you so much for your advice I really appreciate it. 

I can imagine it's quite difficult for you being diagnosed so late in life. I'm glad to hear that you are learning a lot about ASD and I hope it's making things easier for you. 

Hi,

Welcome to the forum! I'm a late diagnosed (at 56) ASD sufferer and have been learning loads from this forum and other places over the last year since diagnosis. There is a lot to learn and sooner or later you will read about it in a post here.

There is a huge variety in how it affects individuals. There is also a vast range of progress that people make. Often there are delays in development so being non-verbal at an early age is common but it does not mean that he won't talk normally at some point as Margaret has found. I expect you can see that his mind is active but that he is a bit closed off from the world?

Autistic children can thrive if the environment is right. Make sure that you are consistent and calm and reasonable with him. If he has a tantrum or meltdown then remove him to a quiet place and allow him to cool off. If you say No then don't change your mind - this means sometimes saying Yes when you want to say No but above all be consistent in teaching him rules and behaviour.

Thank you very much for your reply Margaret, what a nice reply.  I wouldnt change him for the world he is such a fantastic little boy. 

Its just so hard all I want to do is to help him to develop and to be happy but I just don't know how to at the moment. It's just all a bit of a shock to be honest. 

Thank you for welcoming me to the forum I've never used anything like this before 

Hi, I just wanted to say that I too am autistic, and didn't speak until I was 4 or 5.  I am not the person you really wanted to talk to, but I wanted to respond to your note.  

I'm sure that another parent will see this later and respond to you.

But welcome.  And remember your litlle one is himself, you don't really want him to be anyone else, as he is yours.

Please take care,

Margaret