Introducing myself...

Yeah me too, and it is definitely not ridiculous but now I’m finding spaces where I can just be me without the mask.

It does feel strange but it’s kind of releasing something at the same time, my body feels more relaxed. It’s hard to explain.

I’ve joined a couple of in person Autistic groups. I live in the Sheffield area, and the groups are very gentle and non threatening. It’s a place where I feel safe enough to let my guard down or take my mask off.

Maybe that might be something you want to try.

Thank you for replying. At this moment in time I feel like im never going to find out who my authentic self is. I am a different person to different people. I act a certain way with one, and be another person to another. It sounds ridiculous. 

HiLatediagnosedandlost and welcome 

I’m AuDHD too and I’ve felt that not knowing who the real me is after years of masking and copying others just to get by, so you’re not alone in that.

For me it’s been a slow process of getting to know myself again. I’m still figuring it out. Be gentle with yourself, you don’t have to have all the answers straight away.

Hi Sean and welcome from a fellow late-diagnosed AuDHDer. This community has helped me a lot and I hope we can help you too.

With transparency, here's what I wrote to SilmarilCritter earlier as I think it may be of interest to you too...

Diagnosis is a big thing so be gentle with yourself and let your body and mind work through it. This community is full of lived experience, insight and wisdom which can help you. Here's my post-diagnosis story.

I was diagnosed as being autistic and ADHD last summer. It took until I was 59 because I am a very high masker too. I hadn't realised what a toll this masking took on me, and just thought I was a bit rubbish for getting ill every few years.

My experience was relief and validation along with grief about my earlier life. I have, like you, had a flat feeling with some skill regression (executive function, working memory).

Diagnosis explains the 'why' of our strengths and challenges, but it doesn't give us a route to follow from there. That is for us to explore and maybe that flatness and sense of being lost prompts us metaphorically to have a sit on a bench, think about where we've been, look at the map and the landscape, and then step forwards towards something of interest.

Struggling to identify emotions is quite a common thing for us autistic folk, and you may find it interesting to read about alexithymia if you haven't already.

I have also experienced a period of deep burnout since the autumn, triggered by bereavements, health issues, domestic strife and work challenges. At its worst, I wasn’t functioning at all really as a dam had broken and everything felt threatening and overwhelming. That eased slowly over time, thankfully.

My own rebuild has required me to do the work of recoding a lot of past events, letting go of expectations (and people pleasing), working through my post-diagnostic identity challenges (who am I behind the mask?) and simplifying my life. This community has helped me feel more connected (thanks, everyone).

I am making progress and I know there is more for me to do. I know already my life will be slower and quieter than before, with space for me to explore my interests and with a focus on my own needs. It will be a sort of homecoming, I think.

Hey! Its definitely a strange one. And thank you for replying. This seems the best place for us to find things out.

Thank you bunny! I want to be at peace with this but I'm finding it hard to work out what I should be feeling and have started to feel this "skill regression" and that's a hard pill to swallow also. All of a sudden, I don't feel confident or competent in anything I do. I'm sure I will get there. Hope to see you about om here. Sean. 

Hi Sean - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community.

Following a diagnosis, it can be common for us to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation - I've linked to an article below about this.

As for many others, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting, rather than a conclusion with instant solutions. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything.

The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months, and others covering the kinds of support that you can access. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistics

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including:

• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

Before arranging it, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)

Hi Sean, I've just been diagnosed with autism and am feeling very similar to you. From what I've heard it's common at this stage to feel like you don't know who the 'real' you is (I definitely feel this way). I don't have any advice as it's still new to me but you're not alone.