Introducing myself...

HiLatediagnosedandlost and welcome 

I’m AuDHD too and I’ve felt that not knowing who the real me is after years of masking and copying others just to get by, so you’re not alone in that.

For me it’s been a slow process of getting to know myself again. I’m still figuring it out. Be gentle with yourself, you don’t have to have all the answers straight away.

Thank you for replying. At this moment in time I feel like im never going to find out who my authentic self is. I am a different person to different people. I act a certain way with one, and be another person to another. It sounds ridiculous. 

Thank you for replying. At this moment in time I feel like im never going to find out who my authentic self is. I am a different person to different people. I act a certain way with one, and be another person to another. It sounds ridiculous. 

That's sounds lovely, you're being you. But I appreciate it can be problematic. Ive had stages of being reclusive. Ive also had stages of being outspoken. Neither helped. That's why I joined here, I've never had a problem talking with people on the spectrum.

And yes the overthinking when communicating is awful. I have an internal dialogue going off and I dont know how to respond or can remember what is being said. I cause offence alot when I certainly dont mean to or am accused of being aggressive when im being passionate. I squirm around and overthink everything, sometimes for days or weeks after a conversation. Its very frustrating not being able to communicate and awful when people respond negatively when im simply being myself.

I had given up altogether but medication has helped me no end. And I want to try again, now I have a deeper understanding of the problem.

Hi Kellyann. I'm glad some of what I've described resonates with you. Im doing "ok" thanks, but not the best I could be. I do t know how to act around people now. Always second guessing. Ive noticed my filter seems to have gone walkabout. If something pops in my head in conversation about a certain topic,, and it's potentially controversial,  although funny or acidic,  I cant hep but say the thing. Don't know if that sounds familiar?

You sound like me!  

I hope you're doing ok?

Yeah me too, and it is definitely not ridiculous but now I’m finding spaces where I can just be me without the mask.

It does feel strange but it’s kind of releasing something at the same time, my body feels more relaxed. It’s hard to explain.

I’ve joined a couple of in person Autistic groups. I live in the Sheffield area, and the groups are very gentle and non threatening. It’s a place where I feel safe enough to let my guard down or take my mask off.

Maybe that might be something you want to try.