Introducing myself...

HiLatediagnosedandlost and welcome 

I’m AuDHD too and I’ve felt that not knowing who the real me is after years of masking and copying others just to get by, so you’re not alone in that.

For me it’s been a slow process of getting to know myself again. I’m still figuring it out. Be gentle with yourself, you don’t have to have all the answers straight away.

Thank you for replying. At this moment in time I feel like im never going to find out who my authentic self is. I am a different person to different people. I act a certain way with one, and be another person to another. It sounds ridiculous. 

You sound like me!  

I hope you're doing ok?

I tell those who matter, but to be honest, other people/family members are in a sort of denial and I feel something akin to shame of I say it out loud so I keep it to myself for the most part. 

I agree. Its been hard enough. Do you tell people about your diagnosis? 

It sounds like you are absolutely doing the right thing for you. The least amount of stress possible is high on my agenda, lol. Let us both be kind to ourselves, eh? 

Oh I don't think I really know myself. Im just so relieved to understand what is going wrong. You're obviously very high masking. I'm very isolated now so its easier. But I understand what you are saying as ive been like that before. 

I ended up diagnosed with all sorts of mental health issues once I hit absolute breaking point. Mainly because of how hard social interaction is for me and periods of prolonged stress. Im hoping that I can rebuild now, more authentically.

Its harder for you as you have many relationships that are already established. 

Dont want to be the prophet of doom but for me it ended with multiple breakdowns. So its really important that you look after yourself. You're obviously not schizophrenic. You need to find the relationships that help you relax and move away from the ones that makes the anxiety worse.

Atleast thats my plan but I have added advantage of medication working well for me.

I think that's great you are settling into the authentic you. Nice to hear. I think my biggest hurdle is that I have so many different groups od people I deal with in daily life, that are all so different in many ways, ie parents, mates, work colleagues, customers, acquaintances, that I become a different persona to each group, catering to how I feel they want me to be to them, if that makes sense? I can be intelligent, highbrow and witty to one type, then quite coarse, gruff, outgoing and loud to another. It is so confusing I could spend years unpacking who I really am. And uts scary, because it makes me feel "schizophrenic'.

I think that's great you are settling into the authentic you. Nice to hear. I think my biggest hurdle is that I have so many different groups od people I deal with in daily life, that are all so different in many ways, ie parents, mates, work colleagues, customers, acquaintances, that I become a different persona to each group, catering to how I feel they want me to be to them, if that makes sense? I can be intelligent, highbrow and witty to one type, then quite coarse, gruff, outgoing and loud to another. It is so confusing I could spend years unpacking who I really am. And uts scary, because it makes me feel "schizophrenic'.

I tell those who matter, but to be honest, other people/family members are in a sort of denial and I feel something akin to shame of I say it out loud so I keep it to myself for the most part. 

I agree. Its been hard enough. Do you tell people about your diagnosis? 

It sounds like you are absolutely doing the right thing for you. The least amount of stress possible is high on my agenda, lol. Let us both be kind to ourselves, eh? 

Oh I don't think I really know myself. Im just so relieved to understand what is going wrong. You're obviously very high masking. I'm very isolated now so its easier. But I understand what you are saying as ive been like that before. 

I ended up diagnosed with all sorts of mental health issues once I hit absolute breaking point. Mainly because of how hard social interaction is for me and periods of prolonged stress. Im hoping that I can rebuild now, more authentically.

Its harder for you as you have many relationships that are already established. 

Dont want to be the prophet of doom but for me it ended with multiple breakdowns. So its really important that you look after yourself. You're obviously not schizophrenic. You need to find the relationships that help you relax and move away from the ones that makes the anxiety worse.

Atleast thats my plan but I have added advantage of medication working well for me.