Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey, thought I'd introduce myself.
It's only relatively recently that I've realised I might be autistic - I say I might be, as I haven't been officially diagnosed, although the online tests I have done seem to indicate autism. In fact, it was literally earlier today that I contacted my GP and got the autism diagnosis ball rolling.
i think many people I know would be surprised if they read this - it's not obvious from the outside, but I realise I've become incredibly good at masking. People would look at me as living a norma life - I'm happily married and have two wonderful children. My (potential?) autism shows in the following ways:
I do avoid eye contact (although I wasn't particularly aware apart from the fact a couple of people have recently mentioned it)
I've had a background anxiety my whole life, which peaks and troughs but it's always there - I started biting my nails at the age of 4 and that continues nearly 50 years later.
If I'm in society, the moment I'm alone, I need to release - I repeat phrases and just do weird ***, but the moment someone's around, I'm 'normal' again.
I feel like I'm acting most of the time and I fit in with the company - not so much now, but when I was younger i'd build a relationship with someone, but worry they'd find me out (work out that I wasn't as normal as them).
I have this weird thing, where I can't simply read a random book or listen to an album (I love both books and music). But I have this thing where if I like a song, I have to listen to the artist's songs/albums in release order, or read all of an author's books from their first publication to the last. If I don't, it doesn't feel right - I literally can't do it any other way.
I'm obsessive about time. If I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I'm always early - ridiculously early usually, so much so that I have to kill lots of time. The thought of being late fills me with anxiety.
I have lots of short terms hobbies, which take over my life and they become super important to me, then are quickly dropped and I move onto something else.
Now I don't know if any of this means I have autism - I'd be interested to know if anyone has any of the same traits. But I guess the main question i have is - what do I do with the knowledge that I (potenially) have autism. Joining this forum and posting here is my first step. Thanks for reading!
Hey Andy, Thanks for the reply - good to hear your experience resonates. Yeah, I'm trying to find out as much as I can - and everything I'm reading so far is helping me gain further understanding
Thanks Iain, that's really helpful and good to know you get the book thing. I'll check out the reading and the different discussion boards
Read about monotropism, autistic inertia, double empathy. These go a long way to help understand executive function difficulties, thought patterns and communication differences.
Johnty said:what do I do with the knowledge that I (potenially) have autism.
I would say you read up on autism, understand the traits you exhibit and learn about techniques to follow to reduce the impact these have on your life so you have an overall better quality of life.
Knowledge = power in this situation. How you use that power is up to you.
A good starting point to understand the nuts and bolts would be this book:
Understanding Autism For Dummies - Stephen Shore, Linda G. Rastelli, Temple Grandin (2006)ISBN 0764525476
Spend some time searching the discussion boards here for posts about the same traits you have and join in discussions as well - it helps you feel less "different" and gives a community you can dip in and out of as your energy allows.
I get the book thing - I'm a big fan of fantasy & sci-fi and a lot of books come in a set of 3 or more, so whenever I pick one up at a charity shop then I will end up getting the rest of the set before I even start to read them. eBay has been great for completing the sets and making sure that wherever possible they spines are the same size, style and format (hardback/paperback) as the rest of the set.
Welcome to the community Johnty
It's really good that you've taken the steps in understanding yourself better and got the ball rolling with the GP.
Your experiences resonate with me and I recognise many of the traits you describe. Masking is something many of us get very good at, although it gets exhausting! The anxiety and the need to fit in can also be exhausting.
I hope you find lots of help on this forum from other members, I have found this place incredibly helpful and wish I joined whilst I was waiting for my assessment. My advice is to keep learning about what autism means to you whilst you're waiting for your assessment (it sounds like you're doing this already!), and keep a track of what you think are your autism traits, so when it comes to your assessment you'll be armed and ready!
That's so helpful, thank you Rosie! I'll be checking those out
Thanks for the feedback Spikey - it's good to know there are people with similar experiences, it's just good to know! And cheers for taking the time to so thoroughly respond. And yeah, I will contact you privately - seems you are further along the road with this than I am, so have got some questions. I'll drop you a message tomorrow!
Hi again Johnty!
Contact me privately if you have any specific questions. But just to validate your experience a bit before I shoot off to collapse in a heap...
High masking - check!
Eye contact - check!
Entire life background anxiety - CHECK!!
Word stimming - check!
Acting/"find me out" - check!
I don't get the album/book thing quite as bad as you, but I did HAVE to watch Lethal Weapon 2 to 4 after watching the first one again EVEN THOUGH I was disappointed that it wasn't as good as I remembered .
Obsessively early - check - I actually got to one of my assessments late (because I also have this thing where I swap x:15 and x:45 - nothing to do with autism, I think) but because of my obsessive earlyness, I was still on time!
Short term hobbies - check! Actually, this can vary - some are really long term, but I do the short term too.
Welcome!
Hi!
I'm almost exactly the same. I only got my final diagnosis last week and I am in my fifties too.
I want to type a longer reply because you have stated a some of things that I didn't even consider mentioning in my interviews, but I have a workman here valeting the car which is seriously wrecking my concentration
I have a lot of the same quirks.
If I may make a suggestion that is not related to your post. Seriously consider an icon and changing your username (it won't remove your post) so that it is easier to tell who you are. There are lots of NASnnnnnnns here and I can't tell them apart
I think this can be done fairly easily, but I have forgotten how, sorry! Someone kind told me.
Hi NAS94803,
Welcome to our Online Community!
Our website has a lot of useful information about diagnosis, including a pre-diagnosis guide for adults who think they might be autistic.
You can also browse our website for lots of other advice and guidance on a wide range of information about autism, including what autism is, socialising and relationships, employment, benefits and social care.
Kind Regards,Rosie Mod