Potential Autism Diagnosis in my Fifites

Hey, thought I'd introduce myself.

It's only relatively recently that I've realised I might be autistic - I say I might be, as I haven't been officially diagnosed, although the online tests I have done seem to indicate autism. In fact, it was literally earlier today that I contacted my GP and got the autism diagnosis ball rolling.

i think many people I know would be surprised if they read this - it's not obvious from the outside, but I realise I've become incredibly good at masking. People would look at me as living a norma life - I'm happily married and have two wonderful children. My (potential?) autism shows in the following ways:

I do avoid eye contact (although I wasn't particularly aware apart from the fact a couple of people have recently mentioned it)

I've had a background anxiety my whole life, which peaks and troughs but it's always there - I started biting my nails at the age of 4 and that continues nearly 50 years later.

If I'm in society, the moment I'm alone, I need to release - I repeat phrases and just do weird ***, but the moment someone's around, I'm 'normal' again.

I feel like I'm acting most of the time and I fit in with the company - not so much now, but when I was younger i'd build a relationship with someone, but worry they'd find me out (work out that I wasn't as normal as them).

I have this weird thing, where I can't simply read a random book or listen to an album (I love both books and music). But I have this thing where if I like a song, I have to listen to the artist's songs/albums in release order, or read all of an author's books from their first publication to the last. If I don't, it doesn't feel right - I literally can't do it any other way.

I'm obsessive about time. If I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I'm always early - ridiculously early usually, so much so that I have to kill lots of time. The thought of being late fills me with anxiety. 

I have lots of short terms hobbies, which take over my life and they become super important to me, then are quickly dropped and I move onto something else. 

Now I don't know if any of this means I have autism - I'd be interested to know if anyone has any of the same traits. But I guess the main question i have is - what do I do with the knowledge that I (potenially) have autism. Joining this forum and posting here is my first step. Thanks for reading!

Parents
  • Welcome to the community Johnty Slight smile

    It's really good that you've taken the steps in understanding yourself better and got the ball rolling with the GP. 

    Your experiences resonate with me and I recognise many of the traits you describe. Masking is something many of us get very good at, although it gets exhausting! The anxiety and the need to fit in can also be exhausting. 

    I hope you find lots of help on this forum from other members, I have found this place incredibly helpful and wish I joined whilst I was waiting for my assessment. My advice is to keep learning about what autism means to you whilst you're waiting for your assessment (it sounds like you're doing this already!), and keep a track of what you think are your autism traits, so when it comes to your assessment you'll be armed and ready!

  • Hey Andy, Thanks for the reply - good to hear your experience resonates. Yeah, I'm trying to find out as much as I can - and everything I'm reading so far is helping me gain further understanding

Reply
  • Hey Andy, Thanks for the reply - good to hear your experience resonates. Yeah, I'm trying to find out as much as I can - and everything I'm reading so far is helping me gain further understanding

Children
No Data