Potential Autism Diagnosis in my Fifites

Hey, thought I'd introduce myself.

It's only relatively recently that I've realised I might be autistic - I say I might be, as I haven't been officially diagnosed, although the online tests I have done seem to indicate autism. In fact, it was literally earlier today that I contacted my GP and got the autism diagnosis ball rolling.

i think many people I know would be surprised if they read this - it's not obvious from the outside, but I realise I've become incredibly good at masking. People would look at me as living a norma life - I'm happily married and have two wonderful children. My (potential?) autism shows in the following ways:

I do avoid eye contact (although I wasn't particularly aware apart from the fact a couple of people have recently mentioned it)

I've had a background anxiety my whole life, which peaks and troughs but it's always there - I started biting my nails at the age of 4 and that continues nearly 50 years later.

If I'm in society, the moment I'm alone, I need to release - I repeat phrases and just do weird ***, but the moment someone's around, I'm 'normal' again.

I feel like I'm acting most of the time and I fit in with the company - not so much now, but when I was younger i'd build a relationship with someone, but worry they'd find me out (work out that I wasn't as normal as them).

I have this weird thing, where I can't simply read a random book or listen to an album (I love both books and music). But I have this thing where if I like a song, I have to listen to the artist's songs/albums in release order, or read all of an author's books from their first publication to the last. If I don't, it doesn't feel right - I literally can't do it any other way.

I'm obsessive about time. If I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I'm always early - ridiculously early usually, so much so that I have to kill lots of time. The thought of being late fills me with anxiety. 

I have lots of short terms hobbies, which take over my life and they become super important to me, then are quickly dropped and I move onto something else. 

Now I don't know if any of this means I have autism - I'd be interested to know if anyone has any of the same traits. But I guess the main question i have is - what do I do with the knowledge that I (potenially) have autism. Joining this forum and posting here is my first step. Thanks for reading!

Parents
  • Hi again Johnty!

    Contact me privately if you have any specific questions. But just to validate your experience a bit before I shoot off to collapse in a heap...

    High masking - check!

    Eye contact - check!

    Entire life background anxiety - CHECK!!

    Word stimming - check!

    Acting/"find me out" - check!

    I don't get the album/book thing quite as bad as you, but I did HAVE to watch Lethal Weapon 2 to 4 after watching the first one again EVEN THOUGH I was disappointed that it wasn't as good as I remembered Slight smile.

    Obsessively early - check - I actually got to one of my assessments late (because I also have this thing where I swap x:15 and x:45 - nothing to do with autism, I think) but because of my obsessive earlyness, I was still on time!

    Short term hobbies - check! Actually, this can vary - some are really long term, but I do the short term too.

    Welcome!

  • Thanks for the feedback Spikey - it's good to know there are people with similar experiences, it's just good to know! And cheers for taking the time to so thoroughly respond. And yeah, I will contact you privately - seems you are further along the road with this than I am, so have got some questions. I'll drop you a message tomorrow!

Reply
  • Thanks for the feedback Spikey - it's good to know there are people with similar experiences, it's just good to know! And cheers for taking the time to so thoroughly respond. And yeah, I will contact you privately - seems you are further along the road with this than I am, so have got some questions. I'll drop you a message tomorrow!

Children
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