Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone
This is kind of a big deal for me to put this out there. I have been compiling a list of my traits and experiences over the last 9 months now since I discovered my son is autistic. Before that time I knew I was different and I’m utterly shocked at the amount of things I have on my list. I kinda know the answer but I’m so thoughtful towards others that I wouldn’t want to waste an assessor’s time or take an assessment away from someone else but just wanted to share this.
My list so far.
Over sensitive in my nature
Bright sunlight hurts
Take things literally and don’t get why people find that funny
Get frustrated and irritated with yourself and others for very little
Tired in body for no reason feel exhausted
Sensitive to smells (candles and perfume, hairspray and car air fresheners)
Sensitive to extreme heat/cold
High pain threshold
Very Forgetful so use notes but forget to look at them
Struggle with eye contact feels extremely uncomfortable (can’t even look at myself for long)
Struggle with socialising feels overwhelming (more people the worse it feels)
Mask a lot especially in social interactions
Everything is a task
OCD (feel good when I’m this way)
Poor concentration unable to multitask
Sit in quiet dark space sometimes to calm myself down
Over empathetic (can physically feel tension, happiness from others)
Struggle thinking of words when in conversation
Always thinking I don’t handle things well
Can talk very loudly and then too quietly
Don’t like people that much
Easily offended
Get very down
Struggle to plan how long tasks and work take
Struggle to find a word when talking (brain doesn’t think quick enough)
Hate asking for help (guilt)
Get so fixated on tasks can block out things around me inc not eating
Don’t really enjoy going out and can’t wait to get home
Very slow at reading as I constantly go over the same thing (to try and make sense)
Multi tasking is awful and makes me really anxious
Avoid gossip and speculation
Constant need to talk about disagreements
Sulk a lot (silent treatment)
Always look grumpy to people even when happy
Wife says I always appear unhappy
Sensitive to air pressure do get regular nosebleeds
Panic attacks
Highly self aware
Inertia (struggle to start but when I do it’s difficult to stop)
Lack of control (won’t let others do certain things as they won’t do it as I would do it)
Depression and anxiety
Constantly monitor people’s behaviour, body language and expression so I can better interpret their mood (but usually get it wrong)
Use other people’s mannerisms for my own purposes (to appear confident or tougher)
Interests/obsession Motorbike racing, autism, order and monitoring people’s behaviour
Meltdown (internalised and contained) usually are extreme unhappiness, feel detached from everything and in a truly dark place and alone.
Panic attacks where I’m heaving and trying to throw up, breathing restrictions in my throat and sometimes are physically sick.
Have had counselling with 2 or 3 private therapists to no avail.
Genuinely feel I suffer ptsd and was especially highlighted after my father’s devastating stroke and aneurism. This changed me permanently.
Stims include hands between knees and wobble my knees, hold my head in my hands, bite skin in my mouth and fingers sometimes rock
Don’t like being grabbed or touched by surprise
Have trouble saying bye to people like I don’t hug or kiss (unless it’s wife my mum or kids) I just don’t get it
Hate the material silk, it makes me feel sick just thinking about it
Suffered from severe urticaria for years (could never find a cause) had tests for intolerance but was never found. I think this was social anxiety and stress that caused it. I was on medication for a long time for this.
Have had antidepressants in the past from Gp.
Can get taken advantage of.
Hate injustice
Always picking out flaws in what my wife says and correct her which appears to come across as negative
When socialising I get very tired early, lots of yawning and just need to rest
Replay past conversations over and over in my head ( this can be for a very long time after the event)
Don’t like people being too close to me especially if I’m not familiar with them
Can forget what I’m doing if I have a break
Would really appreciate any feedback if you wouldn’t mind at all please.
Totally understand what you meant, but I never want you to cook me an omelette
A quite dense pancake at that.
Dense!
out_of_step said:LOL
You succeeded in making me giggle
out_of_step said:Sorry if I'm making no sense. I am tired and probably shouldn't post.
This is the set of the traits, the percentage of them that a person has, that makes them autistic or allistic. Allistic person may also be very much monotropic, or may also hate changes or have inertia, but have no issues in communication with others. I like a Channel “Aspergers from the inside” on YouTube. This man, Paul Micalleff explained that well in my opinion. Most of the single autistic traits are normal and with some variety also possessed by allistic people.
LOL
Thank you everyone for your responses. Also interesting to see how some of our symptoms are on the opposite end as well. Yes I understand what you mean CatWoman there are things on there that NT individuals would and do experience. For me the big one is the social part which I do to a point but it wipes me out basically. I used to think it was because I had had a hard week at work but I get it when I’m well rested also. By the time it gets to 9pm at the latest I’ve got about 6 toilet breaks under my belt and yawning constantly, then I go quiet and can’t find the words I need to keep in a conversation. At that point my wife starts telling me that I’m so far behind in the conversation. Also realised after being with my partner after 27 years ish that I struggle to understand her. She does explain things to me in more detail now so I can get my head around things better. On the flip side she doesn’t get how I work but with this it’s hard for me to explain.
Thank you once again for your responses, I feel quite reassured. I’ve never really talked about these things which tells me I’m comfortable enough here to mention them.
out_of_step said:eggs and flour isn't a cake, it's an omelette.
Um
I think you mean pancake ...
What one person might see as sulking, another person might see it as needing quiet to gather and process thoughts and emotions.
I haven't read all the OP. I do agree that most people have traits but we need to be careful not to undermine anyone here (edit which upon re reading your post, you havent). I have read your previous posts so I totally get the angle you are coming from. ("Normal behaviours" being pathologised). I think it comes down more to - how do traits affect you negatively. ..how do they impact you on a daily basis... and I also like the cake analogy. There are certain ingredients you need to make a cake, whereas eggs and flour isn't a cake, it's an omelette.
Sorry if I'm making no sense. I am tired and probably shouldn't post.
Certainly a lot on that list I can relate to! Probably 95 percent of the list to be honest.
Diagnosis might be a good thing, having a clear answer rather than a very strong suspicion has helped me a bit.
Your definitely among similar people here, hopefully that will help
I would say 90% or even more - it’s me. Literally like you described me. I’m not diagnosed and currently too tired to even think about it. But I know from my psychiatrist and therapist that they are sure I have Asperger. I think you not gonna waste anyone’s time.
I'm not saying you're not autistic, your list is pretty incredible, but just for a minute, lets use a different lens to view some of the things you've mentioned.
Lots of people have periods of depression for all sorts of reasons.
All good people should hate injustice, why is this included as an autistic trait?
We can all be taken advantage of, there are lots of people who are very good at scamming and conning others.
Why would you not be traumatised by your fathers stroke? Surely to keep going over it is part of the grieving process?
I've met lots of people with "interests" over the years, I don't think they should be specifically seen as evidence of autism.
Doesn't everyone have an "ick", whether its to a fabric, a food or anything really?
I nearly puched my ex husband in the face when he came up behind me unexpectedly and grabbed hold of my shoulder, in what universe did he think doing that to someone who did martial arts and suffers from PTSD was a good idea?
Counselling is a very particular sort of thing, you have to be in the right place for it and to have a counsellor who you relate too and the type of counselling they offer.
You sulk, well if that makes you autistic then so is every child and many adult men I've had relationships with.
Have you been in situations where help has been unavailable or you've been offered the wrong sort of help? Some people will guilt trip you about not knowing how to do something, other's seem to think it means you want them to do it rather than help you learn, some just try and take over your entire life and punish you for not needing your life run by a third party.
Don't we all have a word on the tip of our tongues that refuses to come out, sometimes for days?
It worries me that so many "symptoms" are quite normal, I guess that you do have an awful lot of them and that the balance of probability is autism.
Hi, most of these are familiar to me. I have a few differences:
Pain threshold - I'm not sure how to judge it, but I think mine may be low. That's consistent though, as autism can cause us to be either hypersensitive or hyposensitive to stimuli.
I'm not usually forgetful - I generally have a good memory. But sometimes overload or executive function problems can cause short term memory problems. I expect your long term memory is ok.
I don't personally notice any problems with my eye contact, but it is a well known issue for many autistic people.
Poor concentration? It depends on context. If I'm having to listen to something I'm not interested, or do a task I don't really like, I can easily lose concentration. But when I'm engaged with something I can hyper-focus.
I'm not slow at reading, I actually read really fast - however if it's a factual text or a description of something in a novel, I !might have to re-read parts to ensure understanding / clarity.
Overall, your description reads pretty much exactly like someone on the spectrum. I am self diagnosed - my GP said I wouldn't get any help if I did get a formal diagnosis, so I didn't see much point, although I wouldn't put anyone off who wants it for their own peace of mind.
I hope this forum helps you.
You missed off::
- makes lists to keep track of things.
I recognise many of the same things you mention in myself - some I accept, some I actively work on changing and others are projects for another day.
Sorry I meant all 3 of you not both
Thank you both. I feel relieved to be honest but at the same time surprised at when your take the time to watch yourself how much you can learn.
I definitely relate to the majority of this list, thank you for sharing as I didn't have a list but most of these would absolutely been on my own list. Especially hating injustice, this one really affects me and also replay past conversations over and over in my head - this is really difficult to manage I find personally, I can't focus on anything around me when I am replaying conversations and often walk around in circles whilst doing this and its difficult when trying to sleep when this happens.
Yup, that all looks familiar, and I found a couple to add to my list. Thanks!
Most of those I can relate to. Looks like you maybe one of the tribe!!