Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone
This is kind of a big deal for me to put this out there. I have been compiling a list of my traits and experiences over the last 9 months now since I discovered my son is autistic. Before that time I knew I was different and I’m utterly shocked at the amount of things I have on my list. I kinda know the answer but I’m so thoughtful towards others that I wouldn’t want to waste an assessor’s time or take an assessment away from someone else but just wanted to share this.
My list so far.
Over sensitive in my nature
Bright sunlight hurts
Take things literally and don’t get why people find that funny
Get frustrated and irritated with yourself and others for very little
Tired in body for no reason feel exhausted
Sensitive to smells (candles and perfume, hairspray and car air fresheners)
Sensitive to extreme heat/cold
High pain threshold
Very Forgetful so use notes but forget to look at them
Struggle with eye contact feels extremely uncomfortable (can’t even look at myself for long)
Struggle with socialising feels overwhelming (more people the worse it feels)
Mask a lot especially in social interactions
Everything is a task
OCD (feel good when I’m this way)
Poor concentration unable to multitask
Sit in quiet dark space sometimes to calm myself down
Over empathetic (can physically feel tension, happiness from others)
Struggle thinking of words when in conversation
Always thinking I don’t handle things well
Can talk very loudly and then too quietly
Don’t like people that much
Easily offended
Get very down
Struggle to plan how long tasks and work take
Struggle to find a word when talking (brain doesn’t think quick enough)
Hate asking for help (guilt)
Get so fixated on tasks can block out things around me inc not eating
Don’t really enjoy going out and can’t wait to get home
Very slow at reading as I constantly go over the same thing (to try and make sense)
Multi tasking is awful and makes me really anxious
Avoid gossip and speculation
Constant need to talk about disagreements
Sulk a lot (silent treatment)
Always look grumpy to people even when happy
Wife says I always appear unhappy
Sensitive to air pressure do get regular nosebleeds
Panic attacks
Highly self aware
Inertia (struggle to start but when I do it’s difficult to stop)
Lack of control (won’t let others do certain things as they won’t do it as I would do it)
Depression and anxiety
Constantly monitor people’s behaviour, body language and expression so I can better interpret their mood (but usually get it wrong)
Use other people’s mannerisms for my own purposes (to appear confident or tougher)
Interests/obsession Motorbike racing, autism, order and monitoring people’s behaviour
Meltdown (internalised and contained) usually are extreme unhappiness, feel detached from everything and in a truly dark place and alone.
Panic attacks where I’m heaving and trying to throw up, breathing restrictions in my throat and sometimes are physically sick.
Have had counselling with 2 or 3 private therapists to no avail.
Genuinely feel I suffer ptsd and was especially highlighted after my father’s devastating stroke and aneurism. This changed me permanently.
Stims include hands between knees and wobble my knees, hold my head in my hands, bite skin in my mouth and fingers sometimes rock
Don’t like being grabbed or touched by surprise
Have trouble saying bye to people like I don’t hug or kiss (unless it’s wife my mum or kids) I just don’t get it
Hate the material silk, it makes me feel sick just thinking about it
Suffered from severe urticaria for years (could never find a cause) had tests for intolerance but was never found. I think this was social anxiety and stress that caused it. I was on medication for a long time for this.
Have had antidepressants in the past from Gp.
Can get taken advantage of.
Hate injustice
Always picking out flaws in what my wife says and correct her which appears to come across as negative
When socialising I get very tired early, lots of yawning and just need to rest
Replay past conversations over and over in my head ( this can be for a very long time after the event)
Don’t like people being too close to me especially if I’m not familiar with them
Can forget what I’m doing if I have a break
Would really appreciate any feedback if you wouldn’t mind at all please.
I'm getting "Findus Crispy horse pancake" vibes
LOL.........thank God we're not in horse territory ?!
This thread is becoming a recipe for disaster
I tried a 'zebra omelette' once...a salt-n-pepper extravaganza !
Can we just have all the eggs flour and milk together and make a pancake then everyone's fed and happy, trying to make omelettes wrong isn't going to work.
There's a metaphor almost as good as the "perfectly good zebra" one
Now, you sound like Terrance Howard. fyi - he seems to have decided that 1 x 1 = 2 ?!......and there is no such thing as a straight line?!
I'm not saying he is wrong......one of my greatest strengths......and one of my greatest weaknesses.....is that I like to learn........and try to maintain an openly autistic mindset?!
I have been told time and time again "come on.... 2+2!" and led to believe my rationale is wrong. This is how we get undermined. Now I know differently, I can say "just because your omelette is made of eggs and milk, that doesn't mean to say that my omelette made of eggs and flour is wrong. It tastes a bit different but still fills me up".
Oh crikey.
What you said........re: "
out_of_step said:that we DO process the world differently
......but when I explain this phenomenon to NT's in my world, I use the phrase that we (the autistics) have the same "mode of thinking." My experiences on this forum have cemented my sense of belonging to this tribe. There are many folk here that I find myself not agreeing with - quite often - but I generally find myself able to identify with their 'mode of thinking', even if I do not agree with their assertions.
IRL, I also find myself not agreeing with - VERY often - MOST people .......but I also have the discombobulation of having absolutely NO idea WHY/HOW they are thinking that way.
The difference between these two realities, is one of the reasons (probably the main reason) that I know I belong......here. This doesn't make me happy, but nor does it make me sad. It is novel to feel that I belong ANYWHERE! Who knew ?!
...........and thank you to you all.
A colourful crayfish should never hesitate to post. That is my wisdom for the day......(I am tired too, and probably shouldn't post either!)
I don't think it was ill conceived at all. You speak the truth. When we are diagnosed as adults, it takes a heck of a lot of unpicking. Things we have always known were difficult but didn't know why. .things which are "normal" (and they are) cos every one else around you is like that or very similar...until your circumstances change...but I would say, and it's still happening for me, realisation on almost a daily basis that we DO process the world differently, (and not to deny our selves of that). And to me, it is this difference in processing which accounts for our traits etc. So while others may share our traits, they may come from a different root, and may not be as many, or cause the same or as many problems.
I think sometimes we are trying to find a line when there isn't one. Or is there? I completely agree - everyone has stuff to contend with, that's life. I don't think the world is set up right for humans these days, let alone autistic ones.
I have a good concentration, even very good, but not always on the things it should be. My colleague at work (behaves like ADHD) but I’m not the one to assess that. He shakes his legs constantly when talking to someone. I can’t concentrate on anything he says if I can see his shaking legs. Best to talk to him when we both are standing.
Bloody ell woman!
I think I'm some flour short of an omelette today ....
Or I'm scratching up the wrong post? Wait...that was the other week...
out_of_step said:Who makes an egg only omelette!?
Me!
out_of_step said:Milk and butter!
How can eggs and flour make milk and butter?
And milk and butter!
Who makes an egg only omelette!?
And if youre feeling flash, boiled potatoes and bits of greenery for an additional flourish
OOS, I get that you feel my post was was ill considered and as I said at the begining I had no intention of undermining anybody. I agree that many or all of these things have very negative impacts, but how is anyone supposed to feel when faced with the traumatic death of a loved one? Maybe its partly because I wsn't diagnosed until I was 50 and had lived so much of my life as an awkward out of place NT trying to fit in, that I saw so many people having the same experiences, some might be autistic, but many others not, its just life and I think there's often a tendency to want one big answer that ties all lifes shittyness together and has one remedy, life is a collection of experiences and events some good, some bad, some meh.
out_of_step said:At least I got the eggs bit right
OMG.
An omlette only has eggs!
No flour.
So, WTAF does eggs and flour make?
Glue?
At least I got the eggs bit right
That made me laugh also.
I will check that out and thanks for sharing