Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone
This is kind of a big deal for me to put this out there. I have been compiling a list of my traits and experiences over the last 9 months now since I discovered my son is autistic. Before that time I knew I was different and I’m utterly shocked at the amount of things I have on my list. I kinda know the answer but I’m so thoughtful towards others that I wouldn’t want to waste an assessor’s time or take an assessment away from someone else but just wanted to share this.
My list so far.
Over sensitive in my nature
Bright sunlight hurts
Take things literally and don’t get why people find that funny
Get frustrated and irritated with yourself and others for very little
Tired in body for no reason feel exhausted
Sensitive to smells (candles and perfume, hairspray and car air fresheners)
Sensitive to extreme heat/cold
High pain threshold
Very Forgetful so use notes but forget to look at them
Struggle with eye contact feels extremely uncomfortable (can’t even look at myself for long)
Struggle with socialising feels overwhelming (more people the worse it feels)
Mask a lot especially in social interactions
Everything is a task
OCD (feel good when I’m this way)
Poor concentration unable to multitask
Sit in quiet dark space sometimes to calm myself down
Over empathetic (can physically feel tension, happiness from others)
Struggle thinking of words when in conversation
Always thinking I don’t handle things well
Can talk very loudly and then too quietly
Don’t like people that much
Easily offended
Get very down
Struggle to plan how long tasks and work take
Struggle to find a word when talking (brain doesn’t think quick enough)
Hate asking for help (guilt)
Get so fixated on tasks can block out things around me inc not eating
Don’t really enjoy going out and can’t wait to get home
Very slow at reading as I constantly go over the same thing (to try and make sense)
Multi tasking is awful and makes me really anxious
Avoid gossip and speculation
Constant need to talk about disagreements
Sulk a lot (silent treatment)
Always look grumpy to people even when happy
Wife says I always appear unhappy
Sensitive to air pressure do get regular nosebleeds
Panic attacks
Highly self aware
Inertia (struggle to start but when I do it’s difficult to stop)
Lack of control (won’t let others do certain things as they won’t do it as I would do it)
Depression and anxiety
Constantly monitor people’s behaviour, body language and expression so I can better interpret their mood (but usually get it wrong)
Use other people’s mannerisms for my own purposes (to appear confident or tougher)
Interests/obsession Motorbike racing, autism, order and monitoring people’s behaviour
Meltdown (internalised and contained) usually are extreme unhappiness, feel detached from everything and in a truly dark place and alone.
Panic attacks where I’m heaving and trying to throw up, breathing restrictions in my throat and sometimes are physically sick.
Have had counselling with 2 or 3 private therapists to no avail.
Genuinely feel I suffer ptsd and was especially highlighted after my father’s devastating stroke and aneurism. This changed me permanently.
Stims include hands between knees and wobble my knees, hold my head in my hands, bite skin in my mouth and fingers sometimes rock
Don’t like being grabbed or touched by surprise
Have trouble saying bye to people like I don’t hug or kiss (unless it’s wife my mum or kids) I just don’t get it
Hate the material silk, it makes me feel sick just thinking about it
Suffered from severe urticaria for years (could never find a cause) had tests for intolerance but was never found. I think this was social anxiety and stress that caused it. I was on medication for a long time for this.
Have had antidepressants in the past from Gp.
Can get taken advantage of.
Hate injustice
Always picking out flaws in what my wife says and correct her which appears to come across as negative
When socialising I get very tired early, lots of yawning and just need to rest
Replay past conversations over and over in my head ( this can be for a very long time after the event)
Don’t like people being too close to me especially if I’m not familiar with them
Can forget what I’m doing if I have a break
Would really appreciate any feedback if you wouldn’t mind at all please.
Most of those I can relate to. Looks like you maybe one of the tribe!!
Thank you both. I feel relieved to be honest but at the same time surprised at when your take the time to watch yourself how much you can learn.