Published on 12, July, 2020
Im not officially diagnosed with autism, but I am mostly sure that i am autistic or at least neurodivergent in some way. I have always felt like there was something wrong with me, even when i was young I realised that there was something different about me, the way I thought, behaved and communicated was different than other kids. As i grew up, i just thought i must be doing something wrong, so i just tried to pretend to be more normal by copying people around me.
A few years ago, i was looking up something about autism, i don’t remember why, and I realised that autism is actually a lot different than what I thought and saw before on tv or media. And I also realised that i fit into most of traits and it explained a lot about my life and how I felt. I didn’t tell anyone about this, but I kept thinking about it ever since.
Around 3 years ago my younger brother got diagnosed with autism, so my mom started to learn more about it to be able to help and understand him better. And she told me about how she thought that i actually have shown a lot of signs since my early childhood.
At first i ignored it and thought i was just overthinking, but then i kept seeing things about autistic people and their experiences and i keep thinking about how much i relate. I also did a lot of research into the subject and even tried multiple online tests, so im mostly sure i have autism. But since i am still undiagnosed, it feels a bit wrong to actually call myself autistic or tell anyone. Can i still say i am autistic even if i dont have an official diagnosis? Would that be morally wrong or offensive to diagnosed autistic people? Sorry if i said anything rude or wrote too much.
You say that 'formal identification' would be 'unnecessarily ... pathologising' but pathology is the study of disease.
The medical model is the pathology paradigm. I think diagnosis in the context of autistic people is a tool and function of the pathology paradigm, after all you usually only go to the doctor if you are ill. You shouldn’t need to see a doctor in order to gain identification of your neurotype. However I understand that we live in a society with limitations like this where my neurology is unnecessarily medicalised.
I also understand that for some autistic people formal identification is necessary in order to gain access to support.
If you want to learn more about the pathology paradigm, please read:
https://neuroqueer.com/throw-away-the-masters-tools/
How do you diagnose/identify yourself if you don't use the criteria used by medical professionals?
By researching autistic experiences and culture for several years and heavily relating to autistic lived experiences.
Writing reports about autistic experiences and pursuing this as a dedicated interest, I would not be so interested and invested in autistic experiences if I was not autistic.
I have felt an instant intuitive deep connection with other autistic people for years, so I don’t need an uneducated professional to tell me who I am. I know who I am.
Ausomely Autistic said:There would be no reason for me to feel intuitively connected to other autistic people if I wasn’t autistic.
You can feel connected to other members of society without being the same.
Ausomely Autistic said:I think formal identification is inherently pathologising as diagnosis is a tool and function of the pathology paradigm
It concerns me as there will be the autism that is diagnosed using standard criteria and those who diagnose themselves as you do by different (non standard) criteria.
Ausomely Autistic said:You shouldn’t need to go to the doctors for identification of your neurotype
I agree that there is a lot more information available nowadays compared to when I was young to self-diagnose using standard criteria, as I do (to avoid visiting the GP).
Ausomely Autistic said:I do not intend to pursue formal identification as I think it would be an unnecessarily negative and pathologising experience for me.
If you don't use these criteria, then how do you know you are autistic? ie what criteria are you using?
Or do you actually use the medical criteria for diagnosing yourself?
If you do use the same medical criteria for your self-diagnosis, then what is the difference between you doing it and a medical professional doing it apart from thoroughness and that someone else is making the decision?
Autism isn't a disease so a medical diagnosis isn't 'pathologising'.
I’ve scored very similar tbh. Interesting
I just finished he questionnaire, and honestly i was extremely surprised by the results. I really didn’t expect to relate to the traits of Monotropism so much. Tbh, i though that this was just a common way of thinking, or at least for people with more anxiety. The results said that apparently im more Monotropic than about 25% of autistic people and about 90% of allistic people. Now im even more interested in topic and i think its worth looking into a bit more.
Great! Glad you found it interesting! I hope the theory of monotropism resonates with you.
I am very monotropic!
Thats great, thanks. I saw somethings about this theory before and its really interesting.
https://www.autismresearchcentre.com/tests/
here's a good place to start.
Here's a place to start
Hi. I hope Uhane will have some more recommendations of tests for you, but in the meantime The Monotropism Questionnaire might be a useful test to take.
The Monotropism Questionnaire is not an autism test as such but it will show you if you have a monotropic cognitive style which is very common among autistic people:
https://dlcincluded.github.io/MQ/
Monotropism describes the autistic led theory that our community usually has a single attention tunnel which is usually based around a few or a singular interest at a time. Basically monotropism describes a single attention tunnel and interest based nervous system.
If you want to learn more about monotropism, here is the website:
https://monotropism.org/
I hope this helps!
Thanks, i will check out that video.
I already tried a few tests that i found online, and I looked at some videos about the official test. Do you know any specific online test that i could take?
yes the journey. You've taken the first steps. Welcome home.
It may help to take some of the tests available online.
also here's a good video to help you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJdy5K1DYYA&ab_channel=AutismFromTheInside
Hi, Thank you for sharing your experience. Its really nice to know there are other people who are self diagnosed and that it can also be seen as valid. It can be very difficult and time consuming to get formal assessment at the moment, specially for high masking adults, but i hope that it gets better as people learn more about autism. I wish the best, and i hope you are able to get your diagnosis.
Hi, i just saw your reply. Thank you for saying that. This seems like a very positive and healthy way of thinking about it.
So many of us are self-diagnosed because it takes so long to get an NHS assessment. It's perfectly valid, and can be a stage on the way to getting a 'formal diagnosis' but it doesn't have to be. I'm at the self-diagnosed stage after lots of reading, online tests and talking to other people. I'm currently waiting for an NHS assessment. I'm pursuing a formal diagnosis because my mum had dementia and lots of care needs in later life and should that happen to me I think it's important to have autism on the records so it can be taken into account.
Yes, not easy. I tore myself to pieces for years (not to be recommended) with the result that I got nowhere....repeatedly....like smashing your face on concrete.....really awful....endless...bleak....upsetting.....lonely....
Then - out of the blue - bolt from nowhere - things make sense - I make sense - still horrific in many ways - but known and increasingly better understood.
Stay sane and stay safe. If people can do that, they are winning. Full stop.
Number
Thanks for that. Finding myself, I don’t know how to do that or where to start. 49 years old and my whole life spent trying to make others happy. I feel like myself was lost so long ago that I barely remember who I was in my youth. I guess I have the rest of my life to find that out though.
take care
I can only speak of my experience....but I think those people who would need to see "proof" of my reality.....beyond what is self-evident in my behaviours ..... are the type of cynics who would never actually "believe"... even if a piece of paper said so.