Published on 12, July, 2020
Im not officially diagnosed with autism, but I am mostly sure that i am autistic or at least neurodivergent in some way. I have always felt like there was something wrong with me, even when i was young I realised that there was something different about me, the way I thought, behaved and communicated was different than other kids. As i grew up, i just thought i must be doing something wrong, so i just tried to pretend to be more normal by copying people around me.
A few years ago, i was looking up something about autism, i don’t remember why, and I realised that autism is actually a lot different than what I thought and saw before on tv or media. And I also realised that i fit into most of traits and it explained a lot about my life and how I felt. I didn’t tell anyone about this, but I kept thinking about it ever since.
Around 3 years ago my younger brother got diagnosed with autism, so my mom started to learn more about it to be able to help and understand him better. And she told me about how she thought that i actually have shown a lot of signs since my early childhood.
At first i ignored it and thought i was just overthinking, but then i kept seeing things about autistic people and their experiences and i keep thinking about how much i relate. I also did a lot of research into the subject and even tried multiple online tests, so im mostly sure i have autism. But since i am still undiagnosed, it feels a bit wrong to actually call myself autistic or tell anyone. Can i still say i am autistic even if i dont have an official diagnosis? Would that be morally wrong or offensive to diagnosed autistic people? Sorry if i said anything rude or wrote too much.
So many of us are self-diagnosed because it takes so long to get an NHS assessment. It's perfectly valid, and can be a stage on the way to getting a 'formal diagnosis' but it doesn't have to be. I'm at the self-diagnosed stage after lots of reading, online tests and talking to other people. I'm currently waiting for an NHS assessment. I'm pursuing a formal diagnosis because my mum had dementia and lots of care needs in later life and should that happen to me I think it's important to have autism on the records so it can be taken into account.
Hi, Thank you for sharing your experience. Its really nice to know there are other people who are self diagnosed and that it can also be seen as valid. It can be very difficult and time consuming to get formal assessment at the moment, specially for high masking adults, but i hope that it gets better as people learn more about autism. I wish the best, and i hope you are able to get your diagnosis.