Late diagnosis

Thanks, Coming out of lockdown was when my struggles really amplified, I appreciate covid was devastating for many, for me lockdown was the perfect world, the world reopening was horrendous, it all became too noisy and just too much. I think during lockdown I had stopped masking so much.

Hergé said:

After years of pushing myself through situations and being a person that I really wasn't. I now have to figure out who I really am. 

It’s working out what is the real you and what is the persona you created at most probably quite a young age, normally just to survive. The two blur into one, it took me ages to recognise when I’m masking or when I’ve allowed it to slip and be my true self.

Around 8 years ago I began to find life a lot more challenging than before. This has been explained to me that i experiencing an ASD burnout. My automatic masking and deflection defence mechanisms aren't as robust as they once were.

Like you for a long time I was "just" depressed and could be fixed with medication and CBT etc. The whole "different and not broken" is an important point to understand.

After years of pushing myself through situations and being a person that I really wasn't. I now have to figure out who I really am. 

I now understand why I prefer structure and being organised and how to use it to make my life easier.

Thank you and good luck 

Hergé said:

I find it difficult to quieten/slow my mind.

Oh yes.  Abso-fooking-lutely.

The thing that has helped me with managing this (believe it or not)..... is to NOT try to slow it nor impede my mind....I just let it run, but in a way that I attempt to manage.  So rather than trying to "block" my brain, I now do one of two things, depending on my situation at the time and my mood.

It was actually another member on this forum (now sadly a former member) who put me in touch with these methods.  

Option 1 = I fill and immerse my brain in something so completely that there is no spare capacity in my brain because I have provided it with an overflowing plate of mind food (of my choosing.)   Needless to say, this method has its own challenges and pitfalls.....but a change is as good as a rest !  Thankfully, I do love my work and I also love to work....so normally, it will be work that I use with this method generally.  I also find that "jamming in" a repetitive piece of music or a track on repeat also helps me be so full in my head that disruptive thoughts and distractions simply cannot get a look in.   

Option 2 = I allow every random thought and concious stream to enter my head.  As it does so, I "greet it" i.e. I give it a very short amount of concious attention to decide whether it is relevant in that moment - irrespective of what the answer is to this short burst of concious attention, I "thank it" for coming to my attention, but advise it that now is not the time for it, and I simply say "goodbye" to that thought.

Now I know that option 2 sounds a bit waa waa - but honestly, it has helped me at times of potential overwhelm.  I find that talking out loud to myself when I greet, assess, thank and then say goodbye to each thought helps me to process them promptly.

I am pretty sure that the Option 2 method has a "name" - but I cannot remember what right now.

Anyway - I just thought I would "pass forward" this idea to you in the hope that it may be of some use to you.

I wish you well - and I extend you a warm welcome to this place.

Kind regards

Number.

Hi, they aren't allowed to prescribe it directly but they are the first contact point. They have written to the phycology services who will assign me to a phycologist to get the ball rolling.

Hi, I’ve had bouts of depression on and off for most of my life. The whole autism acceptance journey was when a lot of my struggles got better. I realised that most of my anxiety came from external forces, mainly other people and situations.  I don’t do something now because I’m supposed to, I will adapt the situation or just not do it. Depression still occasionally happens, I identify some of it  now as mental exhaustion. It’s like being depressed, massively overwhelmed and anxious all at the same time. I tried antidepressants but felt no better. I accept now that my brain isn’t faulty, it’s just different.
I’ve spent two years processing decades of things that went wrong or I’ve struggled with, don’t rush it all, it became my new special interest and led to a long burnout.

I don't think making decisions about which psych meds to try is really something a GP should be doing. That stuff has always been handled by a psychiatrist for me (including pregabalin) and I can't imagine any GP I've had doing things differently. It'd be like a GP prescribing chemotherapy drugs instead of someone who's whole job revolves around that specialisation. 

Is there any way to get a referral to a psychiatrist? 

Thanks Hergé

Thank you. Since my preliminary diagnosis I haven't been feeling quite as low, it's given me some sort of clarity and understanding of why I feel as I do.

I've discussed this several times with my GP but they just seem to push the standard ssri. They have now referred me back to the phycology services, so hopefully I may get somewhere.

Previously I've discussed whole thing with a phycologist who said that an ASD person doesn't always respond to standard treatment which includes medication and CBT.

All the best to you and your son.

Hi Hergé, sorry to hear about your depression. I don't suffer with it myself, but my son does (on and off) and it's a horrible disease. From what I've read, stress can sometimes be a reason for depression meds not working - so maybe have a chat with your GP about alternative anxiety meds/treatments first?