Late diagnosis

Hi, 

I have struggled with my mental health for decades. I had been diagnosed with treatment resistant depression as it seemed no amount of SSRI/ SNRI CBT etc was of any benefit. It wasn't until last year that a phycologist asked if anyone had discussed that I may be autistic, obviously I was a little surprised as I hadn't considered it (thinking back I shouldn't have been that surprised).

I'm now on the waiting list for a formal diagnosis (3-5 year waiting list).

After a bit of research and self discovery I'm of the opinion that I am indeed autistic and that a weight has become less of a burden.

I struggle with stress and it massively impacts my daily life. My GP has suggested that I go back into antidepressants but I'm very reluctant as I've never found them to be beneficial. I try mindfulness/meditation but I find it difficult to quieten/slow my mind. I've asked my GP about pregabalin but they will not prescribe it.

I'm feeling as I'm at a bit of an impasse.

Any suggestions or questions I could ask would be gratefully received.

Parents
  • Hi, I’ve had bouts of depression on and off for most of my life. The whole autism acceptance journey was when a lot of my struggles got better. I realised that most of my anxiety came from external forces, mainly other people and situations.  I don’t do something now because I’m supposed to, I will adapt the situation or just not do it. Depression still occasionally happens, I identify some of it  now as mental exhaustion. It’s like being depressed, massively overwhelmed and anxious all at the same time. I tried antidepressants but felt no better. I accept now that my brain isn’t faulty, it’s just different.
    I’ve spent two years processing decades of things that went wrong or I’ve struggled with, don’t rush it all, it became my new special interest and led to a long burnout.

  • Around 8 years ago I began to find life a lot more challenging than before. This has been explained to me that i experiencing an ASD burnout. My automatic masking and deflection defence mechanisms aren't as robust as they once were.

    Like you for a long time I was "just" depressed and could be fixed with medication and CBT etc. The whole "different and not broken" is an important point to understand.

    After years of pushing myself through situations and being a person that I really wasn't. I now have to figure out who I really am. 

    I now understand why I prefer structure and being organised and how to use it to make my life easier.

    Thank you and good luck 

Reply
  • Around 8 years ago I began to find life a lot more challenging than before. This has been explained to me that i experiencing an ASD burnout. My automatic masking and deflection defence mechanisms aren't as robust as they once were.

    Like you for a long time I was "just" depressed and could be fixed with medication and CBT etc. The whole "different and not broken" is an important point to understand.

    After years of pushing myself through situations and being a person that I really wasn't. I now have to figure out who I really am. 

    I now understand why I prefer structure and being organised and how to use it to make my life easier.

    Thank you and good luck 

Children
  • Thanks, Coming out of lockdown was when my struggles really amplified, I appreciate covid was devastating for many, for me lockdown was the perfect world, the world reopening was horrendous, it all became too noisy and just too much. I think during lockdown I had stopped masking so much.

    After years of pushing myself through situations and being a person that I really wasn't. I now have to figure out who I really am. 

    It’s working out what is the real you and what is the persona you created at most probably quite a young age, normally just to survive. The two blur into one, it took me ages to recognise when I’m masking or when I’ve allowed it to slip and be my true self.