Post diagnostic counselling

Thanks :-)

I think it might have changed into 3 separate courses but I did one about autism in general.  It was aimed at autistic and allistic people. Damien Milton was a contributor as was George Watts, both who are autistic. It's been quite an interest of mine over the years anyway. 

Licence to be different - permission to be yourself!

Thanks for sharing your experience out-of-step.  Funnily enough I have shied a bit away from the academic analysis since diagnosis.  Possibly because I have had experience of lots of academic analysis where the general conclusion has been that "this requires more study" - because me head has been a bit too frazzled!.   Kent have 3 courses I see on the website ,  I think you've helped me along that way a bit further even if I'm not ready to jump into one yet. Yes the neurodivergent filter is an interesting thing to be aware of - license to be different perhaps?  Maybe your key things will work for me too :-) - I'll research them further.  (hehe - how that academic thing tends to come back to that...)

Welcome! I am a bit younger than you. It's different for everyone. There's a wealth of knowledge and experience from people of all ages and stages on their discovery on these pages. I had private counselling which helped massively but you said this isn't currently an option. Futurelearn have a free course about Autism through the University of Kent which I found really helpful in order to understand aspects and explore with others through discussion (however, this academic approach may not be for you). In general, I've learned a few key things which I can apply to many scenarios to help me understand myself and thought processes (such as need for resolve, bottom up thinking, double empathy, monotropism and inertia).

If you have spent so long through life analysing yourself anyway, you will get there eventually under your own steam through further analysis but with the filter of now knowing you are neurodivergent. 

I still don't fully understand masking and burnout and I've had my diagnosis for two and a half years. It takes time to integrate everything and I think there's probably no end to this.

I don't know if this answers anything you are looking for but it's my experience. 

Hehe - yep  - time to gain insight seems to be a regular mention in the responses from our fellows so far.  It's good to learn how people such as yourself have found a way to understand things "better".  Thanks again :-)

Thanks Number :-)  Good advice re: not seeking protocol.

A respected person once told me that the quote about a journey of a thousand miles beginning with the first step is a mistranslation.  It should be about beginning under one's feet.

So getting a hang on what is happening at the moment seems a good idea.  After diagnosis there was for me a strong sense of not being able to trust reality and my interpretation of it.  So re-examining the present is necessary however a bit tiring in a complex environment - at least to start with perhaps.

Nice tho' it would be to simply carry on with life, the stimulus for diagnosis for me was that I was giving up the will to carry on with it.  To simplify would be nice however.

Thanks for your warm welcome (without the Pentacostal fire and Brimstone) :-)

All the best

Hi Autumn Trees - great name choice!

Hmmm... going ok today thanks :-)

Yes, celebrate and regret.  Recognise that cycle.

Remorse? yep I get that - like going over episodes of an old detective series where someone dies :-)

Preventable? How so I wonder... Perhaps an earlier diagnosis and a more compatible culture and society?

Great to learn that you're ticking along with things.  It took me over 6 months getting to this conversation and I'm not quite ticking over smoothly yet so I can look forward to it.  

Yes crazy indeed that there isn't more help. I may be a bit biased, but the autistic people I have encountered so far are all pretty fab with so much to contribute.  So it seems a shame that we're not cared about better.

The response to my introductory post seems to indicate that there are ways to find out advice.  Best from fellow people with autism. 

Maybe having to figure it out for oneself comes with being autistic?

All the best

Hi Phased how's it going? 

I was diagnosed a week ago and I have felt a range of things since that moment. 

At first I was elated - after a year of waiting it was all over! And I had an answer! I wasn't hoping for one answer or another, just A answer and now I had it and I can move on. That night I was desperate to celebrate, I wanted to parrrrtay - many wines were drunk. 

But then the next few days as it sunk in I felt quite deflated, and then quite remorseful? I think I was feeling sad for past-me. And all the struggle I've had to endure to this point and the sense that all of this was preventable. 

Now I have told all my nearest and dearest + work and everything is ticking along as necessary I am just sort of getting on with it. I have this forum and a Facebook group for women with autism to share thoughts and ideas with. I also have a private therapist who I see twice a month. In hindsight, the smart thing to do would have been to book in with her soon after the diagnosis but I missed my chance so I'll see her later this week. 

It is a bit crazy that there isn't more help out there, you're just left to figure it out on your own...

Hello Phased, I am Number.

Compared to the confusion, upset and self loathing that I endured before I accepted my autistic reality (in my 50's) everything since then has been comparatively easy.  Being in this place helped me enormously in the early stages - people here were able to reinforce and normalise feelings that I thought were unique to me!  They are not.  I have subsequently found very sound and sustaining friendships in this place......but that takes time.  Many here are slow to open up - for very good reason!

My advice to you would be this.....Be calm, hang out here and see who (and what) resonates with your experiences and feelings.  I'm really not sure that attempting some type of formalised protocol for 'moving on' with your diagnosis is a wise aspiration?  Moreover, I don't think formalised protocols are ever suggested or reported in this place.......we're all too special and unique little snowflakes! [Puke!]

I think the happiest reporting people are those who are simply carrying on their lives...albeit with some experimental and bespoke tweaks to hopefully make their lives just a little bit better.  It appears that those who eagerly seek some form of Pentecostal fire and brimstone rapidly become disillusioned.

Anyhow - the above is merely my opinion, but I do extend you a warm welcome to this place.

Kind regards, Number.

Oh definitely do one at a time- this is a selection of books I've read over a period of a few months! I do go back to them for specific bits amd bobs now I've read them all properly but I think my head might have exploded if I'd tried to do it all at the same time

Thanks for explaining.

in this case,  that spending mots of money tricky when I wonder whether I'll be OK to earn more... at the risk of being too open with things, work at present borderline from mental health perspective for me.  

What does the phrase mean?

Phased said:

pragmatic miserliness

I like it  That's a phrase which could be used to describe me as well.

The choice of a neurodivergent therapist is a sensible one and good advice too, thanks :-)

thanks battybats - I have promptly ordered the Devon Price book on your recommendation and the excellent reviews that it has received.  Your other recommendations much appreciated, maybe for later - will do one at a time for now. All the best  :-)

You are very welcome.

Phased said:

 Peer support in the form of the good people I'm coming into contact with such as youself and Automistic is great :-)

That’s great, I am glad we can help you! You can learn loads by being part of this autistic community, it’s brilliant!

Phased said:

Not sure if it is pragmatic miserliness or something else but I am not able to go down the specialist private counselling route at present. 

Oh ok, I hope you can get the support you need in another form.

Thanks for your reply :-) Sharing the resources are much appreciated.  Not sure if it is pragmatic miserliness or something else but I am not able to go down the specialist private counselling route at present.   Peer support in the form of the good people I'm coming into contact with such as youself and Automistic is great :-)

The thing I've found most helpful is having a neurodivergent therapist- mine is AuDHD and she has a much better idea of how my mind works than anyone I've seen before. She's helping me process all my feelings about diagnosis and living an authentic autistic life, from a perspective that doesn't try to enforce 'normality' on me.

Due to the lack of personalised support for adults most of what I've done is read and learn on my own: I found that the best resources have been books and articles writtten by other autistic people. One that I recommend at any given opportunity is Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, which is 90% accessible reading and 10% self-help/'understanding your autistic self' activities. It's been incredibly helpful for me by increasing my confidence in my own judgement and acknowledging that my experiences are shared by others. Untypical by Pete Wharmby was also very good for the same reasons.

In terms of the day to day stuff I actually need help with, I've started using the following resources:

• How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis- a short and easy to read guide to household chores for people who are chronically ill and/or neurodivergent more generally (I'm both!)
• Looking After Your Autistic Self by Niamh Garvey- a book intended to guide the reader in working out things like their sensory triggers and how to manage them
• Avoiding Anxiety in Autistic Adults by Luke Beardon- discusses a series of things in adult life that are extra stressful for autistic people (such as employment and medical care), why they are hard for us, and what accommodations might be useful to us in those situations

Those are all 'works in progress' and I'll need to keep going back to them for some time yet before I get my life together! But even just knowing they're there to refer to is making a difference because I know I don't have to keep struggling to be 'normal' on my own.

Autonomistic said:

Thank you for posting that. I have not come across this site before and the concept of peer support sessions looks very interesting.

You are very welcome. Sharing experiences with other autistic people is so helpful and meaningful for me. I hope it is for you too.

There are some other autistic led groups that offer peer support sessions particularly after autistic identification but they are mainly regional I think.

I thought that Autistic UK was a national charity, however it appears not! I think the website has recently been redesigned though so maybe it’s a work in progress.

Autonomistic said:

I was exploring the site a little and the page titled 'Support Services for Autistic Adults' made me laugh. Derbyshire appears to be the centre of the autistic universe. Yorkshire and Cardiff are both out at sea