Teens and Autism

The age of 13 is an age where it is easy to make mistakes. I used to go through and understand it. These questions I have also asked myself. I don't understand what people's definitions of ASD and ADHD are specifically, but maybe people are Sonic exe confused? When I was 35 years old, reading this thread was like seeing myself in my youth. Negative thoughts caused by puberty. Just give your children advice and wait for time. Things will be different and get better as they get older.

Thankyou for all the replies. Nas85807 if you would want to, maybe there is a way through this message board that they could talk. Thanks again fir the ideas. 

my 13 yeas old exactly the same feeling no friends no nice kids round him same feeling I was you live close by so they can meet 

So there I was 13 years old and all my friends were starting to explore sex and relationships and enjoy their lives AND NO ONE WANTED ME!!

Fortunately, since ever since my dad remarried at age 6 I'd gotten used to my own family treating me like that, then markedly worse when the new kids started arriving, so it probably wasn't quite as bad for me as it is for your lad.

It took me fourteen more years before I finally found the winning strategy. learn to be nice, as a SKILL or complicated GAME. The best thing you can give your kids is training to wear the NICE mask. Or train them to win at all costs and CRUSH the opposition.

Or best of all, have both skills and the discerment to use 'em correctly.

I hope there's a few crumbs of help there for you and your boy. "Playing nice" definitely made me more and better friends. cultivating friendships is a lot like learning how to cultivate your garden. All hard work, and messy too until the flowers come up.

I had to learn to communicate my essential goodness and value by actions, since my words never worked well.

Get your kid working on the game of "making money", not by getting a paper round, but by his own unique skills. I found I could fix things. My mate is a chef. Helping him find and grow real life skills that people will reward him for, will make him friends and companions that are less transitory, and more invested in him. At least that how it seemed to work for me. And if you practice being nice long enough it kind a does become no longer a "mask" it becomes you.   

Hi, Sadly I've had almost exactly those same thoughts (about being useless, no good at anything, a failure, no friends etc) and I still do. So I can relate even though I am much older now than your son. I wish I knew how to boost self-confidence. As I grew up much of my self-worth was based on doing well academically- I had a hard time at school, no friends etc, so I just focused on the academics but that was in the long term also not the best approach. 

What I find sometimes helps, when I feel unhappy with everything, is to write out the negative thoughts and/or things I am not happy with (I really like to take large pieces of paper and maybe some coloured pens to write down key words). I then try to separate them into those issues that I can do something about vs those that I cannot and I will think of ways that I can tackle those things I might be able to change. It's not always easy though- things like 'not having friends' can be very tough to consciously change- I had no friends at school and I felt that maybe I wasn't trying hard enough etc. but I now know I simply hadn't meant people that I could be friends with- that happened at university and I made a few friends almost effortlessly. It was much easier to meet likeminded people at university. What I really want to tell your son is that he will make friends. There are people out there that he can be friends with. He just hasn't met them yet. The challenge really is to meet those people- the best chance is probably through a shared interest, but I know that it can be hard to put yourself in situations where you might be able to meet friends. Do you think there might be a way that he could meet fellow train enthusiasts? I just had a google and there seem to be some train clubs or model train clubs for young people - maybe there is something like that in your area? 

What helped me is to have a project/aim to work towards- it helped me focus and feel more productive and it can boost confidence. Though it is a balancing act too as I actually ended up having such a constant need to be productive that I find resting hard. But projects/aims really help- mine were usually academic or related to hiking. It sounds like the Xbox is one thing he loves. Could you maybe get him started on a train related project? 

I was told by a therapist a few years ago to keep a diary listing 5 positive things that happened each day- i tried it for a while- it didn't really work for me, but maybe it works for other people. 

I'm sorry I don't really have the solution. I hope your son will gain some more self-confidence with time! 

I’m not sure what to suggest. Therapy to change his way of thinking? He needs to boost his self esteem essentially. And that’s quite hard to do, since most of us feel worthless or not good enough. I think once he accepts himself, he will probably start funding the positives more easily. But that comes with time. Perhaps in the meantime he could do some type of voluntary stuff based around interests? Could he walk a neighbours dog for instance? Small acts of kindness for people can work wonders for self appreciation….