Skip to main content
Close Button
Donate
  • Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 92 subscribers
  • Views 991 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Teens and Autism

NAS36325
over 1 year ago

Hi,

I’m the father of two boys. One with ASD and the other with ASD and ADHD. My eldest (with ASD) is 13 and he is the reason for my post. He frequently questions the value of his life, ‘I have no friends, I’m useless, I’m no good at anything, my life’s really bad. ‘ He’s incredibly bright and funny, obsessed with trains and his Xbox and currently training on there to be the next F1 world champion !!!
We try our very best to help but don’t have all the answers and I’m sure this is not an uncommon story. So I guess what I’m wondering is who else has a similar situation and what’s worked for you. I know he feels like he’s the only one so maybe you have a lad that’s in/been through this too? I’ve suggested he write on here but that’s a step too far for him right now, even though chatting to someone like himself I’m sure could really help. 

So if you’ve found yourself in the same position and have some sage advice or have a teenage lad who’s really owned his Autism I’d love to hear back. 

Thanks

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    So there I was 13 years old and all my friends were starting to explore sex and relationships and enjoy their lives AND NO ONE WANTED ME!!

    Fortunately, since ever since my dad remarried at age 6 I'd gotten used to my own family treating me like that, then markedly worse when the new kids started arriving, so it probably wasn't quite as bad for me as it is for your lad.

    It took me fourteen more years before I finally found the winning strategy. learn to be nice, as a SKILL or complicated GAME. The best thing you can give your kids is training to wear the NICE mask. Or train them to win at all costs and CRUSH the opposition.

    Or best of all, have both skills and the discerment to use 'em correctly.

    I hope there's a few crumbs of help there for you and your boy. "Playing nice" definitely made me more and better friends. cultivating friendships is a lot like learning how to cultivate your garden. All hard work, and messy too until the flowers come up.

    I had to learn to communicate my essential goodness and value by actions, since my words never worked well.

    Get your kid working on the game of "making money", not by getting a paper round, but by his own unique skills. I found I could fix things. My mate is a chef. Helping him find and grow real life skills that people will reward him for, will make him friends and companions that are less transitory, and more invested in him. At least that how it seemed to work for me. And if you practice being nice long enough it kind a does become no longer a "mask" it becomes you.   

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    So there I was 13 years old and all my friends were starting to explore sex and relationships and enjoy their lives AND NO ONE WANTED ME!!

    Fortunately, since ever since my dad remarried at age 6 I'd gotten used to my own family treating me like that, then markedly worse when the new kids started arriving, so it probably wasn't quite as bad for me as it is for your lad.

    It took me fourteen more years before I finally found the winning strategy. learn to be nice, as a SKILL or complicated GAME. The best thing you can give your kids is training to wear the NICE mask. Or train them to win at all costs and CRUSH the opposition.

    Or best of all, have both skills and the discerment to use 'em correctly.

    I hope there's a few crumbs of help there for you and your boy. "Playing nice" definitely made me more and better friends. cultivating friendships is a lot like learning how to cultivate your garden. All hard work, and messy too until the flowers come up.

    I had to learn to communicate my essential goodness and value by actions, since my words never worked well.

    Get your kid working on the game of "making money", not by getting a paper round, but by his own unique skills. I found I could fix things. My mate is a chef. Helping him find and grow real life skills that people will reward him for, will make him friends and companions that are less transitory, and more invested in him. At least that how it seemed to work for me. And if you practice being nice long enough it kind a does become no longer a "mask" it becomes you.   

Children
No Data