Undiagnosed

I've found my score variable but I'd say that the average was 30.

We don't have the NHS here, I've found out that we do have local experts who can diagnose me. Fingers crossed that I can get seen soon. 

The doubt is a silly thing really, since I've become more sure of my diagnosis, I keep identifying my autistic traits in real time. At this point, I'd be surprised if I'm not. 

I went to a social event this afternoon, my boss is leaving next week and it was her leaving do. I found myself exhausted afterwards, I stayed about two hours longer than I wanted to because I couldn't bring myself to say bye to everyone. I walked home the long way, through some ornamental gardens and felt a sense of relief as I walked through and I could hear the birds etc. 

I was the same, that I was pretty certain but still frequently doubted myself about it until it became 'official'. Getting a diagnosis might be good for your own peace of mind. 

Did you research the waiting times at your closest NHS assessment centre? It varies from like 6 months in some places to several years in other places. A private assessment can be done much sooner usually.

30 means you are probably autistic. (Although it is ofc quite subjective and hard to know exactly how to interpret a lot of those questions so your score can change from time to time.)

I'd recommend that you go for the autism assessment. You certainly have autistic traits and if it turns out that you're not, at least you'll know.

No need to apologise for a lengthy reply at all. It's nice talking about these things with other people. I've only ever really discussed a lot of this with my wife. It can feel quite lonely being "different" and not having anyone else to talk to. I want to talk about it all the time with my wife but I purposely suppress the urge because I don't want her to get bored of it. She already tells me off for talking constantly about insects lol.

The sympathy thing is so hard to convey, I do feel sympathy, it's just impossible to sound sympathetic. 

I enjoy playing video games and will often stay up late but not during the week (bed by 1am for an 8am waking time). I tend to be very selective about which games I play though. Wrestling, NBA, Red Dead Redemption 2 (currently completing it for the 5th time) and GTA. I rarely play actual games on NBA, I create teams and players then simulate whole seasons so that I can look at their statistics compared to all time greats etc. Which is almost certainly an autistic trait too. 

That story tells me that I should ensure that my team and management know. 

I'll consider letting my boss know that I'm seeking a diagnosis over the weekend so that she's at least aware of the possibility. I'm fine managing the team from a work perspective, telling them what to do, passing on information from other departments but I struggle with face to face stuff and I do want them to feel like they can talk to me if they are depressed etc. I'm very compassionate and empathetic, I just struggle to show it.

It's sad that it took so long for you, it sounds like you've had a good successful career though 

Thanks, we don't have the NHS here in Guernsey, we pay for primary care but secondary care for most things is free.

It looks as though they don't currently see adult autism as something worth funding which is a shame.

Hi there!

First off I hope you find all the answers you’re looking for and you get more clarity from your meeting with the autism local charity.

Secondly basically everything you wrote relates to my recent experience it’s quite scary! I went to my GP where I thought there was a 90% chance I may have ADHD and maybe 5-10% chance I could have autism. Anyway since that meeting I was told I’ll be put forward for both but I’ve just been obsessed researching about autism I can’t seem to switch it off. I’ve also had a letter about an autism assessment 4 weeks ago  (which I’m still doubting) but nothing about ADHD. The only report I could find from school was at 6yrs old where I was “quiet, polite and happy boy. Has made good progress through persistent endeavour. He works with enthusiasm at all times. It also mentioned being able to work in a group so this is what put we off filling in my assessment form as it sounds social, obviously my later school experience 8-16 I was more problematic which I though was linked to ADHD.

Anyway small talk is definitely one I see myself as a worker I just like to crack on and don’t really know what to say in a lot of situations although the more I’m around certain people it gets easier when you know what to expect.

Eye contact I’m not sure if I can make it but I used to just laser beam focus stare at people and I read up it can come across as creepy so I try to look away but I’m always aware thinking of how much I contact I make. I just thought everyone thinks that.

planning conversations I’m not sure of but definitely for brief exchanges but definitely replaying conversations, doesn’t everyone do that ? 

limited interests? Mine was gaming from 13-26 years I was obsessed late nights every night I thought this was linked to ADHD and stimulation. for me at the moment the 2 things I’m obsessed about is the Work I’m in and researching  (constantly get told I’m addicted to my phone by my partner ooops)

Finger tapping, leg bouncing, flicking the lid on and off of pens. I’m only aware I do this the past 2 years it must of been subconsciously beforehand 

Fussy food, he’ll yeah! Me and my partner has a running joke. “Shall we have this”….noo”……“you haven’t ever even tried it have you”…:: “correct and I’m still not going to” hahaha on the list is lasagne, tuna and anything fishy, coleslaw, more than 80% off the menu at posh restaurants and all vegetables except lettuce, soft carrots and mushy peas. +100 other things that restrict my diet.

even to what to say in bad situations, nothing comes out I just give like a “awww” that doesn’t seem sympathetic my partner says although I feel terrible for the person.

sorry about the long post and hi-jacking your thread but literally everything felt so relatable… I look forward to your reply and if there’s any other traits you notice in yourself. 

I was dx in January this year, I’m 64 and retired, so very late. I relate entirely to your observations around team and person management, I was always an excellent specialist (I work magic with words and numbers) but with one employer and true to the Peter Principal (sp?)  was “promoted to the level of my own incompetence”. Specifically having been a terrific buyer and deal sealer, I was given responsibility for a team of 14 staff and which I totally blew, couldn’t do and ultimately left. I returned to a specialist role in finance elsewhere and did well again. Obviously it’s just my experience but feels relevant your comment. Good luck. 

Yep I am in the same place myself and you pretty much describe me but with different obsessions. Some of the YouTube videos such as "Autism from the Inside "( especially 9 Positive Autistic Traits" ), PurpleElla, SamsySam etc have been really helpful. GPs tend to prefer you to give them the symptoms so they can do the diagnosis, I have found. As to diagnosis, it seems authorities require an "official" NHS diagnosis so a private one may not be so useful. I now know enough to accept I am Autistic so not so bothered about an official approval. I am taking "coming out" slow and careful. I just hope this need to know everything about autism will pass soon!

I hope you manage to get the answers (or diagnosis if you feel you need it) you’re looking for. I’d love to be able to give more specific advice, but I don’t have the first clue about how the healthcare system works in the Channel Islands!

Hopefully the charity you’re speaking to might be able to help you out with what you need. 

I'm not sure, I just think that as a medical practice, they might want evidence rather than my own opinion. 

I have a meeting with the local charity at the end of the month and whilst they probably don't have the skillset to formally diagnose me, they probably have enough experience to give a likely diagnosis that would be trusted enough. 

I tend to be a stickler for evidence and proof so perhaps I'm just putting my own thought processes onto them. 

On the plus side, one of the senior managers is my wife's Auntie (perks of living in a small island) so that could help.

8

Why would they want a formal diagnosis? You can tell them you think you are likely autistic if you wish. They might only ‘need’ a formal diagnosis if you need to request special adjustments to do your job, but really, they might give them anyway if you ask. 
For most of us, a diagnosis is for ourselves. To confirm things. Put an end to the overthinking, and take away that question mark.

Thank you for your reply.

I've done those questionnaires a few times and normally score about 30.

I work at a medical practice so I think they'd want a formal diagnosis rather than a self diagnosis. I know that I can pay for one but I'd rather not spend hundreds of pounds to do so.

I'm 95% sure that I am autistic but there is a niggling doubt. 

Hello!

Welcome to the forum!

Yeah, you have described quite a lot of autistic traits there. None of us on here can actually 'confirm' it but it seems likely.

(I relate particularly to the last thing you said, about not knowing what to say to someone in a bad situation. )

Have you tried doing the online tests? AQ test: https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

About the test: novopsych.com.au/.../

TLDR: The suggested cutoff is 29/50. At this threshold there is a very low false positive rate but the false negative rate is still quite high. So if you score above 29 you are very likely to be autistic, and if you score below 29 it's a bit inconclusive.

You are very welcome to 'self-diagnose' if you feel like you've done enough research (but you might need something official if you want more support/understanding at work). Getting an official assessment has its pros and cons. For me I think it was worth it to go through the process, but it very much depends on the person :)