Published on 12, July, 2020
Good evening,
I went to my GP last week and told him that I suspect that I'm on the spectrum. I've wondered for years but after watching Chris Pakham's TV show I thought that I should find out for sure.
Since I watched those two episodes, I've become somewhat obsessed with learning as much as I can about autism and keep coming across traits that I have, that are common in people on the spectrum.
The main traits that made me seek a diagnosis are:
Difficulty with eye contact with everyone except for my wife.
Social awkwardness and Difficulty making small talk unless I know the person well
Planning conversations ahead of a social event (often weeks before, over and over again). I also replay previous conversations in my head.
I have limited interests that I get obsessed with, entomology being the main one and professional wrestling and comedy being the longest lasting. It isn't enough to just watch wrestling and comedy, I delve deeply into why and how everything works. Same with music too, I can't just listen to it, I have to find out everything about the artist and if there's a song I like, I'll listen to it on repeat for weeksI'm very fussy with food, particularly certain textures. If you put a lasagne in front of me and told me that was my dinner, I'd look at it the same way as someone would react if you put a pile of poo in front of them. This has caused a lot of issues in my life, it's very restrictive and I have to completely avoid social events that take place in places that exclusvely do food that I don't like.
I often fiddle, finger tapping, picking and chewing the skin around my finger nails
I could carry on writing but I should probably leave it at that. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get a proper diagnosis because mental health services here in Guernsey are rubbish and I know that none of you can give a diagnosis but it would be great to have someone sort of confirm it and help me to stop ruminating before I have a meeting with the local autism charity at the end of the month.
I haven't told most of my family about this yet, my wife knows and so does my GP (who I happen to work with) I will "come out" if I can get a diagnosis. Part of the reason for seeking it is that I've recently had a promotion at work which will require more social interaction, which obviously could cause issues for me. I've already completely failed to show any compassion to a Imember of my team who fell and broke her wrist. I just couldn't figure out what to say to her.
Hi there!
First off I hope you find all the answers you’re looking for and you get more clarity from your meeting with the autism local charity.
Secondly basically everything you wrote relates to my recent experience it’s quite scary! I went to my GP where I thought there was a 90% chance I may have ADHD and maybe 5-10% chance I could have autism. Anyway since that meeting I was told I’ll be put forward for both but I’ve just been obsessed researching about autism I can’t seem to switch it off. I’ve also had a letter about an autism assessment 4 weeks ago (which I’m still doubting) but nothing about ADHD. The only report I could find from school was at 6yrs old where I was “quiet, polite and happy boy. Has made good progress through persistent endeavour. He works with enthusiasm at all times. It also mentioned being able to work in a group so this is what put we off filling in my assessment form as it sounds social, obviously my later school experience 8-16 I was more problematic which I though was linked to ADHD.
Anyway small talk is definitely one I see myself as a worker I just like to crack on and don’t really know what to say in a lot of situations although the more I’m around certain people it gets easier when you know what to expect.
Eye contact I’m not sure if I can make it but I used to just laser beam focus stare at people and I read up it can come across as creepy so I try to look away but I’m always aware thinking of how much I contact I make. I just thought everyone thinks that.
planning conversations I’m not sure of but definitely for brief exchanges but definitely replaying conversations, doesn’t everyone do that ?
limited interests? Mine was gaming from 13-26 years I was obsessed late nights every night I thought this was linked to ADHD and stimulation. for me at the moment the 2 things I’m obsessed about is the Work I’m in and researching (constantly get told I’m addicted to my phone by my partner ooops)
Finger tapping, leg bouncing, flicking the lid on and off of pens. I’m only aware I do this the past 2 years it must of been subconsciously beforehand
Fussy food, he’ll yeah! Me and my partner has a running joke. “Shall we have this”….noo”……“you haven’t ever even tried it have you”…:: “correct and I’m still not going to” hahaha on the list is lasagne, tuna and anything fishy, coleslaw, more than 80% off the menu at posh restaurants and all vegetables except lettuce, soft carrots and mushy peas. +100 other things that restrict my diet.
even to what to say in bad situations, nothing comes out I just give like a “awww” that doesn’t seem sympathetic my partner says although I feel terrible for the person.
sorry about the long post and hi-jacking your thread but literally everything felt so relatable… I look forward to your reply and if there’s any other traits you notice in yourself.
I'd recommend that you go for the autism assessment. You certainly have autistic traits and if it turns out that you're not, at least you'll know.
No need to apologise for a lengthy reply at all. It's nice talking about these things with other people. I've only ever really discussed a lot of this with my wife. It can feel quite lonely being "different" and not having anyone else to talk to. I want to talk about it all the time with my wife but I purposely suppress the urge because I don't want her to get bored of it. She already tells me off for talking constantly about insects lol.
The sympathy thing is so hard to convey, I do feel sympathy, it's just impossible to sound sympathetic.
I enjoy playing video games and will often stay up late but not during the week (bed by 1am for an 8am waking time). I tend to be very selective about which games I play though. Wrestling, NBA, Red Dead Redemption 2 (currently completing it for the 5th time) and GTA. I rarely play actual games on NBA, I create teams and players then simulate whole seasons so that I can look at their statistics compared to all time greats etc. Which is almost certainly an autistic trait too.