Published on 12, July, 2020
Good evening,
I went to my GP last week and told him that I suspect that I'm on the spectrum. I've wondered for years but after watching Chris Pakham's TV show I thought that I should find out for sure.
Since I watched those two episodes, I've become somewhat obsessed with learning as much as I can about autism and keep coming across traits that I have, that are common in people on the spectrum.
The main traits that made me seek a diagnosis are:
Difficulty with eye contact with everyone except for my wife.
Social awkwardness and Difficulty making small talk unless I know the person well
Planning conversations ahead of a social event (often weeks before, over and over again). I also replay previous conversations in my head.
I have limited interests that I get obsessed with, entomology being the main one and professional wrestling and comedy being the longest lasting. It isn't enough to just watch wrestling and comedy, I delve deeply into why and how everything works. Same with music too, I can't just listen to it, I have to find out everything about the artist and if there's a song I like, I'll listen to it on repeat for weeksI'm very fussy with food, particularly certain textures. If you put a lasagne in front of me and told me that was my dinner, I'd look at it the same way as someone would react if you put a pile of poo in front of them. This has caused a lot of issues in my life, it's very restrictive and I have to completely avoid social events that take place in places that exclusvely do food that I don't like.
I often fiddle, finger tapping, picking and chewing the skin around my finger nails
I could carry on writing but I should probably leave it at that. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get a proper diagnosis because mental health services here in Guernsey are rubbish and I know that none of you can give a diagnosis but it would be great to have someone sort of confirm it and help me to stop ruminating before I have a meeting with the local autism charity at the end of the month.
I haven't told most of my family about this yet, my wife knows and so does my GP (who I happen to work with) I will "come out" if I can get a diagnosis. Part of the reason for seeking it is that I've recently had a promotion at work which will require more social interaction, which obviously could cause issues for me. I've already completely failed to show any compassion to a Imember of my team who fell and broke her wrist. I just couldn't figure out what to say to her.
I was dx in January this year, I’m 64 and retired, so very late. I relate entirely to your observations around team and person management, I was always an excellent specialist (I work magic with words and numbers) but with one employer and true to the Peter Principal (sp?) was “promoted to the level of my own incompetence”. Specifically having been a terrific buyer and deal sealer, I was given responsibility for a team of 14 staff and which I totally blew, couldn’t do and ultimately left. I returned to a specialist role in finance elsewhere and did well again. Obviously it’s just my experience but feels relevant your comment. Good luck.
That story tells me that I should ensure that my team and management know.
I'll consider letting my boss know that I'm seeking a diagnosis over the weekend so that she's at least aware of the possibility. I'm fine managing the team from a work perspective, telling them what to do, passing on information from other departments but I struggle with face to face stuff and I do want them to feel like they can talk to me if they are depressed etc. I'm very compassionate and empathetic, I just struggle to show it.
It's sad that it took so long for you, it sounds like you've had a good successful career though