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Feeling lost with my 14 year old daughter

NAS85386

She says we are too different seems she doesn’t like me or her dad says he doesn’t talk to her enough and I’m too much.

 Gets mad at me all the time for trying to chat w her and stays in her room. I’m constantly trying not to upset her and crying secretly because I feel helpless.

any advice ? She was recently diagnosed & is starting therapy I think will as well.

  • I'd say if she's telling you she wants space, give her some for now. She's probably going through a hard time and teenagers usually want to have some sense of control often by isolating themselves for a while, she's probably very stressed. Be kind to yourself. I'm 23f and diagnosed with autism when I was 20. Highschool was a nightmare for me, completely overwhelming and I wasn't supported. it seems you care for your daughter which is good, don't forget that. My mum didnt bother with me at all and actually prevented me from getting diagnosed as a teenager. 

  • It may be that she needs some quiet alone time to recover from the overwhelming school environment. Autistic people of all ages tend to need a lot of alone time and may shut down or find verbal communication too demanding.

    I used to spend most of my time alone in my room when I was your daughters age. Even now I can get annoyed at my mum for trying to talk to me when I need quiet. It doesn't mean I don't love her dearly.

    I would agree with giving your daughter some space and respect her wishes if she does not want to chat. Make it clear that she can come and chat to you anytime about anything she wants to. 

  • Hi,

    Sounds like life is pretty tough for you all right now, sorry to hear that

    I could be totally wrong however it sounds like she is feeling pretty confused right now. She's suddenly got a diagnosis of autism which explains things to her but it also makes her feel different to everyone else. You mentioned she's starting therapy suggesting that she's struggling. You are her mum which means she knows that she can push you away and you will still care. She's taking her anger out on you. I did it with my mum after I was diagnosed, just bare with her, she will get there.

    However she is also a teen and we do tend to avoid parents as much as possible, so try not to take it too personally.

    Advice is to give her some space but make her aware that you are there if she wants to talk. Also mention that if she does want to talk to you about stuff then it could be over text instead. I've always found that easier.

    Not sure if she reads but there is a series of books by Libby Scott aimed at teen girls which explains the life of an autistic girl, might make her feel a little less alone right now.

    Alisha xx

    P.S. hope things get easier soon, you are doing a great job so try not to be so hard on yourself

  • Sorry to hear you and your family are going through an upsetting time.

    This might sound like backhanded reassurance but bear with me:
    I'm not sure specifically what you need advice on, especially pertaining specifically to autism. Because as far as I know all teenagers eventually go through a phase of disliking their parents and acting out and then usually eventually grow out of it some time after 18-21, so as much as it's upsetting and sucks right now one good thing you can take away from all this is that she's hitting a pretty standard milestone for her age even compared to non-autistic peers if this didn't start before the teen years.

    It might be helpful to get a few more details before we can give adequate advice, things like: What aspect specifically do you need advice with, and what is the therapy she is starting specifically for?